Sigh, it seems
there are some misconceptions and rumours floating around about me that I need to clarify.
First, I have not
quit the newspaper. Which should be
obvious as I am still the contact person, and I still write a blurb for this
spot every issue.
That said, I have
had to make changes in how I go about putting the paper together, and, the
biggest change of all, is that I have had to get help with the twice-monthly
deliveries as I am just not able to handle the physical effort on my own. Even though I have had help, I have been
along on every trip, in the car, giving directions.
doesn’t look like this situation will be changing any time soon, and, as I can’t
always find someone available to spend the day with me, I can’t guarantee that
I’ll always be able to get the print issues out to the communities in a timely
manner. The paper will be available
online for sure.
Second, I AM
getting better, but “getting better” does not mean that I am cured, totally
healthy, or that life is now back to normal.
FAR FROM IT! All “getting better:
means at this point in my life is that I am not loudly knocking on death’s door
any more. Thank goodness! I still need loads of rest, I still need help
doing things, and I am not supposed to have any stress - though I still haven’t
figured out how to get around that one as just having a chronic illness is
stressful enough, besides the stresses that result from not being able to do
what you want, or need to do each day.
I was told that I
have been like a gas tank that is so empty and dry there aren’t even any fumes
in there. When I rest, and manage to get
replenished, I act like I have a full tank, when in reality I may only have a
few drops of gas, which are quickly used up.
Until I can get my tank filled up again, I am going to be limited as to
what I can do on my own.
Third, just because
I am smiling doesn’t mean that everything is sunshine and roses in my life,
because it is NOT! I smile, because I am
at heart basically a very happy person, and because smiling is the one thing I
can do that doesn’t stress me out, or exhaust me within 10 or 15 minutes. While there may be a smile on my face, the
tears are a mere blink away and can fall at any time - and they do fall.
My life changed in
the past 5 years, and nothing is the same.
When my sister and
I were younger, our house was hit by lightning one night. The lightning hit our TV aerial and travelled
along the wiring, into the house...an outlet cover was blown across the room,
but the most freaky part of the whole thing was that the lightning went horizontally into our metal TV stand just
above all the LPs storied on the bottom shelf before it changed direction
sharply and went straight up into the TV.
As a consequence of
getting zapped, our colour TV became a black & white TV, except if we
watched black and white movies - which always appeared in bright vivid colour. Other than the quirk of the coloured vs black
and white, and the odd loud snap and crackle when you least expected it (and
the house was totally silent otherwise), the TV was fine so we didn’t get a new
one, until it finally did bite the dust.
YEARS of watching the TV, and knowing that if we saw black and white it was
really in colour, and visa versa, you’d think we wouldn’t have been surprised
when we were able to watch shows and movies the way they were meant to be.
The first time we
popped in the old John Wayne classic “Angel and the Badman” (VHS) to watch on
our brand new TV we were sure that the TV, or the VCR, or both, were broken as
the movie we were viewing was definitely black and white, and not in colour as
it had always been every other time we viewed it. (It has since been updated in
colour and newer releases on DVD are almost all in colour).
We even scrutinized
the video case in sheer disbelief to discover that the version we had was in
fact a black and white movie. As we sat
there watching the movie we could remember the colour of each and every outfit
and item of scenery, as well as the vivid blue of the sky!
Even though we had
known in our minds that what we had been viewing before had been altered as it
was being seen on a (for all intents and purposes broken) TV, that had been our
“reality” for so long that when we saw it through a new lens (TV), it took a
while to adjust.