By Beth Richardson © 2017, 2018, 2019
“You ready to talk, or are you going to keep on pretending you’re fine and all is well?”
She lifted her head up just far enough to level a glare at Dan, “I’m NOT pretending…I AM fine and all IS well, thank YOU very much!”
“Uh huh...that’s why you just acted like an air raid siren went off,” At that moment, Jayne hated, deeply and intensely hated, how Dan’s eyebrows could convey such scepticism when they twitched as they were now doing. If she had something in her hand, she’d be hard pressed not to wing it at his head.
“I DID NOT act like an air raid siren went off,” Jayne tried to sound more offended than she was as she stalled, and tried to figure a graceful, and, more importantly, highly distracting, way out of this mess. On the one hand, it was better that it was Dan who saw her mini freak-out as he was used to seeing her at her worst, unfortunately, and wouldn’t immediately call for her removal from the paper, but on the other hand, since it was Dan who saw it, there was very little chance she could effectively bluff her way out of this as he had an annoying ability to see right through, or was it into, her.
“Uh huh...I believe you, really I do...NOT!”
Just then Jayne spied a piece of paper on the floor to her left, and grabbed it, “I was merely getting this notice...I dropped it earlier, and need to make sure I get it into this week’s edition. So, no more problems or worries...I’m FINE!”
“Uh huh...and that’s why your tea was in your stressful standby, the old Queen Anne bone china cup, and not your everyday choice of the Little Mermaid mug that Steph gave you...by the way, I was able to save the teacup, but not the tea...and the phone is a little worse for wear after its flight across the room.”
Jayne felt like cursing: at herself, for being so distracted she didn’t notice what she was doing when she made her tea, and for letting Dan get to her; at Vera, for teaching her kids to appreciate, and for that matter, recognize the finer things in life, such as fine bone china, because, really, who in this day and age could recognize fine bone china if they saw it, okay, Monique would, as she was raised to use it regularly, but she was an exception not the rule, and Jayne wouldn’t even have the teacup except it was a gift; at Dan, for knowing her much too well, and for being too dratted astute and noticing EVERY little detail, no matter how hard she tried to hide her fears, doubts, and worries from him, you’d think he was able to read her mind, and good heavens, he better NOT be able to really read her mind as that’s the LAST thing she needed to deal with right now; at Jim, for not answering the phone when she called the farm earlier as everything hinged on him getting that hall key ASAP; at Mike, for being an obnoxious jerk this morning, well, truth be told, most mornings, and afternoons, and evenings; at Mrs. Shultz for making her so nervous and adding to her doubts because the plan was foolproof, PROVIDED she could keep it a secret from Dan and a few others, and connect with Jim and keep everything on track; at the desk for battering her sore head twice in one day, because, of course it’s the desk’s fault, not hers that she banged her head; and...well, she could probably create quite a lengthy list if she really put her mind to it. With another groan, Jayne dropped her head back down. Oh, who was she kidding, this whole thing WAS going to backfire on her, royally, and then she’d be run out of town and she’d end up a homeless waif again. Okay, maybe being homeless wasn't the worst thing that could happen to her, she at least knew how to survive, as demonstrated by the Girl Guides repeated invitations to meetings to teach the girls outdoor survival skills, and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time she’d ever caught a crow or magpie and skinned and roasted it, or muskrat, but getting kicked out of town, and leaving Dan would be devastating, even if she dearly wanted to knock his all-knowing head off his broad sexy shoulders right now.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
Before Jayne could stop him, Dan answered her phone with a crisp British butler-like accent, and a definite twinkle in his eyes.
“Good morning, you have reached the offices of In My Humble Opinion. Thank you for calling. To agree with my humble opinion, please press 1, to tell me how wonderful you think my humble opinion is, please press 2…”
Jayne tried to get up and reach for the phone at the same time, temporarily forgetting that she was completely under the desk. She hit her head with a solid THUNK, and fell back onto the floor with a loud “OUCH!”
Dan shook his head at her, and extended a helping hand, all while keeping the phone well out of her reach as he continued, “...to make a donation so that my humble opinion can be shared more widely with others, please press 4, to disagree with my humble opinion, just hang up as you have no taste whatsoever…Uh, no ma’am, no disrespect intended at all. Just a little Monday morning humour to start your day off on the right foot,” Dan switched to his normal voice, and placing a gentle hand on Jayne’s shoulder, he kept her in place, “I’m sorry, Jaynelle is unavailable at the moment, but if you leave a message, she will get back to you at her earliest convenience…”
“Will you give me the phone, NOW!” Jayne whispered, sure that Dan’s antics were going to cost her an ad or two, if not her job. She may own the paper, but it was a tenuous ownership at the best of times.
“...I’ll make sure she calls you as soon as she’s available, and you have a wonderful day.”
Dan disconnected, placed the phone on the desk behind Jayne, and pulled her into his embrace, “Call Gertie about the quilting bee location before you finalize the notices,” Jayne groaned again as Dan tilted her head to get a better look, “...how’s the head?...that was quite the crack...I don’t see any blood...maybe we should check if you broke the desk...and we should probably run you to Emergency in case you have a concussion...”
“I don’t have a concussion and I don’t have time to go to Emergency...I have a paper to get together.”
Jayne felt very confused, and it wasn’t from the knock on the head, or the possibility of a concussion. It hadn’t been that long ago that Dan had kissed her and ran out of the room, now here he was holding her as he inspected the bumps on her head! Did the kiss change anything, or were they to continue as they had? Should she mention the kiss, or wait for Dan to make the first move? Or, should she…
“So this is what we are squandering our local taxpayers’ hard-earned money on...vulgar public displays of affection...just wait till the Council hears about this latest atrocity to come out of this den of iniquity.”
Jayne thought the Mayor was going a little too far with his comments. She felt Dan stiffen, so quickly placed a finger over his lips before she slowly leaned around his bicep to glare at the Mayor, who stood just inside the office doorway, with a disgusted expression on his face, while at the same time he seemed to be gleefully rubbing his hands together. He seemed much too jovial, especially after she’d knocked him down a peg or two on Saturday, plus, it was highly unusual for him to even venture near her office, let alone walk in the door! Jayne was sorely tempted to remind him of some of his past wildly inappropriate ‘public displays of affection,’ even after he took office, if only to keep him in line, but decided getting rid of him fast was far more important, and she suddenly knew just how to do that, and solve her other problems too. She leaned back, looked up into Dan’s face, fluttered her eyelashes, and mouthed the words, “Save me!”
( Jayne debated closing the office door behind Dan’s departing back, but then figured that would look more suspicious than leaving it open. She’d just have to keep a closer watch before she did anything. Jayne felt a brief twinge at the way she’d manipulated Dan to get rid of him and the Mayor, but the situation was dire, and so delicate, that she figured the end justified the means. If she was lucky, Dan wouldn’t realize what she’d done, and if, he did, hopefully it would be much later, and she’d have a nice long reprieve for a few hours. Plus, maybe the distraction with the Mayor would cause him to forget he wanted to psychoanalyze her. Oh, well, she could hope. A quick glance at the clock showed her that time was flying fast, and Steph would be showing up for her shift soon. Jayne momentarily turned her back to the door as she reached for the phone, and the all-important envelope.
“Hey, have you…”
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Again, Jayne’s hands flew into the air, and again their contents went flying, but this time Jayne stayed on her feet as she turned to toward the voice and slapped her hands to her chest to keep her wildly beating heart in place.
“Oh, gosh! I’m SO sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Jayne blinked as Sue rushed over to give her a hug. She took a deep breath before replying, “It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“Are you sure? You seem pale...and you’re really shaking.”
“I’m fine. Just anxious about getting this next issue together and out.”
“It’s been a stressful few days...maybe you should…”
“I’m FINE! What brings you down to this neck of the street?” Jayne subtly moved Sue back towards the door.
“Oh, I’m looking for Peter. The gals said he headed down here.”
“He’s been and gone. I’m not sure where he is now. Is it the baby?”
“Baby’s fine...Hmm, he said he was going to look for Patty...wonder if he found her? Thanks any way. Are you sure you’re okay...you’re still trembling.”
“I’ll be fine once my heart slows down. My fault for thinking too hard,” she smiled as Sue walked through the doorway. Who was this elusive Patty, and why did everyone seem to know except her? And how could someone be so much a part of the community that everyone seemed to know her, and yet be able to hide from Jayne? If only she had more time to find out.
Jayne picked up the phone and made sure it was okay. The poor thing was really getting a beating.
“Okay...where’d the envelope go?” Jayne looked around, but couldn’t see it. It couldn’t have gone far, but there was no sign of it at all. A large envelope could not disappear into thin air, and speaking of air since it flew it should be on top of whatever surface it landed on and not under. But, Jayne even crawled under the desk, to no avail. “It HAS to be here!”
“Lose something?”
“OUCH!” the edge of the desk caught Jayne right on the top of her head as she popped up too fast, and without watching where she was.
“Sorry about that...you okay?”
“Fine, fine...it isn’t the first time I’ve done that today. You’re early.” Jayne rubbed her head, mussing up her hair, as she took Mr. Hickson’s helping hand. “I wasn’t expecting you till later. What on earth did Mrs. T tell you?”
“I figured I better come early and get the lowdown so if there were any problems we had time to address them.”
“Please, no problems! I’ve got enough on my plate!”
Mr. Hickson laughed and dropped down into one of the chairs. “What do you need me to do?”
Jayne glanced at the open doorway before plopping on the edge of the desk. “I need you to keep Gertie totally occupied and completely away from Main Street from now till noon on Wednesday.”
“Whoa, there, young lady, you want me to do what?” Jayne didn't blame Mr. Hickson for being a little, oh let’s just be totally truthful, a LOT, leery of her plan, but he was the ONLY one in town she could count on, as Gertie would steamroll over anyone else.
“Please...I know the two of you have your issues, but this is super important, and we can’t have Gertie finding out and interfering. That would ruin everything!”
“Young lady, I understand the seriousness of this endeavour, but I don’t see how you think I can keep that harpy occupied? Are you matchmaking?”
“Heavens, NO!” Jayne crossed her heart, “I wouldn't wish her on my worst enemy...okay, maybe I would, but I certainly would NOT wish her on a friend. Besides, if you will let me play matchmaker one day, I know the most delightful…”
“No, no, no, no, no thank you...I don’t need some bossy know-it-all trying to run my life...no, give the she-devil to Simpson...he could use some cheering up.”
“He does at that...I wonder…” Jayne reached behind her and scribbled a quick note on a scrap of paper, “but, we’re not here to help Mr. Simpson, we’re here to get Gertie out of town for a few days.”
“OUT OF TOWN!”
“Shhhhh, keep your voice down! This is a secret, remember!”
“You didn’t say anything about going out of town with the harpy.”
Jayne sighed. When she had conceived of this plan it was flawless, why, now that it was going into effect, was it falling apart? “You don’t have to leave town if you don’t want to, you just have to make sure Gertie does not step a toenail on this street till noon, Wednesday. I don’t care how you do that, I just need you to do it...tie her up, or lock her up, if you have to.” Jayne rubbed her head, she wasn’t sure if the ache was from banging it on the desk, or if the increasing stress was giving her a headache. And where was that envelope? If she didn’t get the key to Jim ASAP the whole plan would collapse faster than a row of dominos, and then her life would collapse right along with it, and she could kiss living and working in Humble goodbye for good.
“Well...this isn’t what I was expecting.”
“Please, this isn’t just for me, but for the whole community…” Jayne hoped her smile would win him over.
“You’re sure this is necessary?”
“Completely necessary.”
“Won’t she get suspicious if I suddenly want to spend time with her?”
“Hopefully she’ll be too excited and thrilled that you are noticing her to be suspicious.” Jayne crossed her fingers, hoping Mr. Hickson couldn't see her hands.
“And what about when this is all over...won’t she expect me to still be noticing her?”
Jayne sighed again, why was everyone making this whole situation so difficult. “When this is over, you have my full permission to ignore her and treat her as rudely as you always have…just, please, please, please, keep her away from Main Street!”
“You sure are asking a lot, young lady, but, I’ll do it for you.”
Jayne jumped up and hugged Mr. Hickson. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…”
“Now, now…” Mr. Hickson pulled Jayne’s arms from around his neck. “I just hope we don’t live to regret this.”
“Me too.” Jayne sat back down on the desk, “But if we can pull this off, imagine how different things will be…”(July 7, 2017)
“Different doesn’t always mean better...at least in my books….nothing wrong with the way things are.”
Jayne stifled another sigh. When she had told everyone, well everyone who could help her pull this off, they had been very enthusiastic about the idea, and now that it was actually in the works, and almost a reality, they were throwing doubts around left, right and centre, and dragging their feet.
“Sometimes things need to be different in order to stay alive and grow,” Jayne thought she saw something move at the edge of the open office door. Was someone outside listening. Really, it should not be this difficult to keep a simple secret!
“And sometimes change at the wrong time, or for the wrong reasons, can lead to an early demise.”
“This isn’t about changes, and what’s going to happen...you’re just scared of Gertie.” Unlike others in town, who acted as though they were still in school and the teachers were the ultimate authority even though they were all adults long out of the school setting, Jayne wasn’t cowed by authority figures, or former authority figures, unless they were police. She would, and had on occasion, gone toe to toe with them to get her own way, and get them out of their small-town mentality and everyday ruts.
“Darn right I am, young lady. That harpy has already sent one upstanding man to an early grave, and can’t wait to get her claws into her next victim...well, it isn’t going to be me!”
“Okay...look at it this way, if we can successfully pull this off, ‘that harpy’ as you insist on calling her, will be so occupied that she won’t have time to ‘get her claws’ into you or anyone else...we’ll be protecting the entire male population of Humble and surrounding area.”
Jayne was beginning to feel desperate. The clock was ticking, and if she didn’t get that key to Jim right away, this whole situation would blow up in her face. Where was that envelope?
“Okay, for you, and the brotherhood, I’ll do this.” Mr. Hickson stood up and straightened his clothes. “But, if this backfires, I’m placing all the blame on you, young lady.”
“If this backfires, and it won’t, it will be my fault. Thanks again.”
Jayne glanced up and down the street as she waved Mr. Hickson on his way. The coast was clear so she rushed back inside to continue searching for the missing envelope.
While there were numerous piles of papers and notices, the collection of mismatched chairs, and the two desks, there really wasn’t a lot of furniture in the room, so Jayne had a hard time understanding how the envelope could just disappear. She walked towards the kitchenette on the off chance it had flown behind her.
“So, are you ready to talk now?”
“AAAAAHHHHHHH!”
Jayne sagged against the small sink and tried to calm her breathing and heartbeat. No way would she be able to convince Dan she wasn’t up to something if she kept screaming her head off every time he showed up.
“You’re supposed to be distracting the Mayor and keeping him away so I can put the paper together.”
“He and Mark are going at it over the investigation of Todd’s accident, and the main street break ins...Now, what’s really going on?”
“Nothing...I’m fine...just getting tired of people sneaking up on me.”
“Nice acting job,” Dan applauded, “I almost believe you...Not! Now spill.”
Jayne’s knuckles were white as she gripped the counter behind her, and her jaw was clenched tight, “There...is...nothing...to...talk...about...I’m… FINE...now...GO...AWAY!”
“Yep...you’re definitely up to something…”
“Daniel McDonald! Will you leave me alone so I can get my work done!” Jayne picked up a mug and drew her arm back to throw it at Dan.
“Whoa there...no need for violence…” Dan ducked as the mug sailed past his head and out the open doorway to smash on the sidewalk. “Tsk, tsk, littering in Humble…” Dan ducked as another heavy mug flew his way. “Jaynelle...Okay, I’m going...I’m going.”
Jayne didn’t put the third mug down until she saw Dan head down the street. She grabbed the bag and almost stuffed a whole fritter in her mouth. She barely noticed the warm, gooey, doughy texture as she chewed so fast her jaw threatened to cramp. Why was everything falling apart now, especially when she was finally going to make the biggest change for the better that this community had ever seen? Plus, she was doing this anonymously, so she wouldn't even get any credit for this. Jayne stuffed the rest of the fritter in her mouth. Because she was doing this anonymously she couldn’t even share her worries, fears, and concerns about this with Monique or others. A second fritter was stuffed into her mouth as she contemplated how to salvage the project.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Ummble Eeeeinnngs”
“Jayne? Is that you?”
Jayne quickly swallowed the lump of fritter. “Sorry about that, you caught me with my breakfast in my mouth.”
“Just wondered when the paper deadline is?”
Jayne sighed, the paper deadline had not changed in the entire history of the newspaper, but people still couldn’t seem to remember when it was.
By Beth Richardson © 2017
“Noon , tomorrow.”
“
“Thanks, so it will be okay if I get my submission to you by 3:00 tomorrow afternoon?”
“Nope, noon , or it doesn’t go in.”
“Come on, Jayne, you could make an exception this time.”
“Noon , or it doesn’t go in,” she repeated.
“Well, you don’t have to be so unreasonable...I can get it to you by 3:00 , which is plenty of time for you.”
“Noon , or it doesn’t go in,” Jayne repeated.
“If you aren’t going to be nicer, I just might not even submit anything, and I’ll tell others to boycott you...we don’t need you, we can advertise in other papers, you know...now what do you think about that?”
Jayne had reached the end of her rope, and was in no mood for threats, empty or otherwise, “Won’t break my heart at all. Have a nice day,” she hung up and tossed the phone onto her desk.
“Good morning!”
Jayne stopped herself just before she growled at Steph. She didn’t need Steph on her case all day, bad enough she had Dan hassling her.
“Is this for us? I found this envelope outside. Oh, and did you know there is some broken glass on the sidewalk? I better sweep it up before someone gets hurt.” Steph handed the missing envelope to Jayne as she headed towards the closet just past the kitchenette.
“Thank you!...Uh, I have a quick errand to run...if the quilting gals phone take a message...and leave the front page blank for now.”
“Are you putting the accident on the front?”
“No, third page, followed by the fundraiser supper pictures on the fourth, and go the fifth, if needed...grad picture in the centrefold...if he doesn’t phone, give Frank a shout and see what he wants done about his chair ad...I’ll be back as quick as I can.”
“Okay...I’ll start on it as soon as I clean up the glass.”
Jayne, clutching the envelope, decided to leave through her back door. If she stuck to the back alleys, and cut across the fields, she might be able to connect with Jim around the barn, without anyone seeing her. At times like this, she really wished he’d enter the modern world and carry a cell phone like everyone else.(July 21, 2017)
Jayne carefully backed out of her door, keeping an eye on the hallway connecting her living quarters with the office, just in case Steph should appear and try to stop her for any reason. The envelope, with the all-important hall key, was clutched firmly in her hand as she slowly took another step backwards.
“Going somewhere?”
“AAAAAHHHHHHH!”
Before she could blink, Jayne found herself lying over her door jamb, in the most undignified sprawl, as the door hit her. Closing her eyes she stifled a groan and gingerly tested for any broken bones. She was positive now that there wasn’t a spare inch of her body that would not be sporting the most colourful of bruises. Mondays could be brutal challenging days but this one...this one was right up there with the most torturous day she’d ever lived in her life, and to think it was just barely past 9:00 ! At this rate, she’d be hospitalized before noon !
She cracked one eye open and looked up at Dan, who rose from the step to stand over her with his hands on his hips.
“Is there a particular reason why you are continually sneaking up on me and scaring the wits out of me this morning?”
Dan reached down and pulled Jayne up, absently straightening her clothes, “Any particular reason why you are continually sneaking around and trying to avoid me this morning?”
“I’m not sneaking...nor am I avoiding,...I’m working!”
“Yeah, yeah, tell that to someone who will believe you…”
“I have a newspaper to put together and these constant interruptions are making it harder to do my work.” Jayne glanced around her, but couldn’t see the envelope. Now where did it go??? She’d have been better off just putting the key in her pocket!
“You have never complained about being interrupted before, by myself or any member of the community. Besides Short Stuff is helping you today. So,” Dan folded his arms and seemed to grow a few feet taller, “what’s going on? What are you hiding?”
“NOTHING!”
“Jaynelle!”
Jayne wondered what she could say that would get Dan off her back for a few hours. Obviously he was determined to keep after her like a dog with a bone, but there had to be some way to get rid of him so she could continue working on the “Plan.” It was too important to stop now.
“Don’t you have a field to hay or a tractor to fix or something?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
Jayne stuck her tongue out. Okay, so Dan was going to be stubborn, well, she could be stubborn too.
“Oh, Danny Boy?...Short Stuff said that Jayne…oh, you found her.”
Jayne closed her eyes and leaned against the wall behind her. Could this day get any worse? Could it? No, there was no point tempting fate by asking, or she’d end up faced with another curve ball, or six! Now she couldn’t even count on any help from Jim Jr., not if he was in cahoots with Dan, who was out to thwart her every turn today. Why today? Of all days...which had started off so promising with Mr. Smythe’s phone call.
“Is this yours?” Jim Jr. picked up the envelope and lightly slapped it against her chest.
“Yes, thank you,” Jayne quickly checked to make sure the key was still inside. Maybe, just maybe, she could still make this work.
“I’m not sneaking around,” Jayne glared at Dan as he snorted, “I’m not...Jim’s not answering the phone and I need him to clarify some points regarding his committee’s presentation at the last council meeting so we can wrap up the report in the paper. Any chance you boys could plee track him down for me? That way I don’t have to spent time hiking all over town and countryside looking for him.”
“Why don’t you just call one of the other committee members?”
“Was Dad even at the meeting? I thought he decided to let Gertie look after it.”
“He went...Gertie had to attend the museum meeting, or was it the beautification meeting?...heck, I can’t remember, but I don’t recall him saying he was part of the presentation...I pretty sure he just observed.”
“If you are looking for Dad why are you sneaking out the back door?”
“Why don’t you phone the other committee members, or even the gals at the office? They’d know.”
“Did you phone Gertie back yet? I’m sure she’d know, even though she wasn’t at the meeting.”
“Well, if she didn’t, there’s no way Dad would know, right?”
Jayne clenched her jaw so tight her teeth started to ache. Time was running out, and the boys were not helping in the slightest.
Forcing a smile, which she was sure looked like anything but a smile, Jayne tried again, “Are you boys going to help me find Jim or not?”
“Not when it’s not necessary.”
Jayne couldn’t stop the scream of frustration that erupted from her throat.
“Is everything okay?...Jayne?...oh good, you found her...I’ll just go back to work, unless there’s something you need?”
“We’re good, thanks, Short Stuff.” Jim Jr. waved Steph back inside, “Looks like someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning...or was it the wrong bed????”
Jayne smacked Jim Jr.’s arm with the envelope. “You two would try the patience of a saint! I have better things to do than to try and deal with your imbecilic Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum routine.”
“Not so fast,” Dan stopped Jayne as she headed off to circle the building, “we’re not done here.”
“YES...WE...ARE!...Let go of me or I will scream so loud the entire community shows up.”
“Oh, she’s hot now...better let her go, Danny Boy, before she decides to put a hex on us.”
“TOO LATE!”
Now what was she supposed to do? And where could she go? She couldn’t tell Monique about this. She was too angry to work. Mrs. T. wouldn’t be able to help and would just give her tea. She still needed to get the key to Jim. There were more phone calls to make and plans to put in place. And, she had her job to do...
Jayne was not someone who cried as a general rule, but to her surprise, and the surprise of Dan and Jim Jr., she suddenly burst into loud sobs and collapsed onto the grass.
“Ah, don’t cry...we didn’t mean it,” Jim Jr. awkwardly patted her back as Dan sat down beside her and hauled her onto his lap and started rocking her from side to side like a little child.
“J-j-jus-s-s-t-t-t l-l-l-eav-v-ve m-m-meeeee al-l-l-on-n-n-n-ne.” Jayne couldn’t take any more. This was it, the moment when she had to finally admit she had completely failed. No matter what she did, or how much she did for the community, at the end of the day it was useless. Nothing would make these people like her or accept her. Her plan wasn’t going to work. It was going to fail just like everyone predicted.
“Sssssshhhhh…” Dan ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.
“Ah, I’ll go get some Kleenex or something...be right back.” Jim Jr. rushed into Jayne’s apartment. If she wasn’t sobbing so hard, Jayne would have laughed at his discomfort. While the MacDonald males were a little more sensitive than your average male, they still weren’t thrilled when the tears started falling.
(August 4, 2017 )
“Ha! Public indecency! Public indecency! I got you two now! And don’t think that your friend on the force will be able to get you off. You’ll be locked up for ages.”
Jayne felt Dan’s arms tighten around her, she could not believe that the Mayor was back so soon to harass her, well them. Was this her punishment for daring to change things in Humble?
Dan gently set Jayne aside before standing up to confront the Mayor.
“I believe that you are trespassing on private property?”
“I am standing on Village property, and you can’t touch me, so there!”
Jayne wiped her eyes and wondered how on earth someone so immature had been allowed to even run for office.
“As far as I can see, you are standing two feet on this side of the property line, as indicated by that survey stake...oh, forgive me, I forgot I have to use little words so you can understand…”
Not for the first time, Jayne wondered what had happened between Dan and the Mayor during their school days as they were like oil and water. Though not in the same grade, as the Mayor graduated before they did, in a community, and school, as small as Humble’s all students knew each other quite well no matter what grade they were in.
“You can’t talk to me that way. I’m going right to the RCMP and have you both arrested.”
Dan advanced toward the Mayor, “Just try it and I’ll have them arrest you too.”
“I’m an elected official. You can’t threaten me. That’s blackmail.”
Jayne had started to stand up but froze. Okay, there was definitely something going on here that she didn’t know about, and once they were alone again, she would worm it out of Dan if it was the last thing she did. Anything more she could learn about the Mayor was one more means of getting him off her back Though, it would also mean one more reason for him to dislike her and want her gone. At the moment, she had the advantage, but that could easily change.
“You’re annoying me, Pipsqueak, and whenever you annoy me it means you’re plotting something illegal…”
Pipsqueak?? After all her years in Humble, Jayne had never heard anyone refer to the Mayor as Pipsqueak! Prior to him becoming Mayor, she’d only ever heard him referred to as Pitcher, due to his absolute lifelong love of baseball, and the reason why no one had remembered his given name. And since Dan wasn’t the name-calling type, this had to be nickname.
“You can’t distract me. You’re the one in the wrong here and you’re the one who will be arrested. I’m the Mayor here...and don’t you forget it.”
“Yep, you’re definitely up to something...getting all threatening and defensive...”
As much as Jayne wanted to know what was going on, she also realized this was an ideal time to slip away as Dan was towering over the Mayor in their little game of intimidation. She picked up the envelope and took a careful step backwards.
“You can’t threat me. I’m the Mayor!”
Jayne inched her way beyond the step to the opposite corner of the building. As soon as she was around the corner, she dashed up to the street and past the front of the building. She hoped that Steph hadn’t seen her through the open doorway, or anyone else for that matter. She had enough trouble, she didn’t want to have to explain what was going on.
Jayne slipped into the peaceful cool Museum, no one would think to look for her there, at least not for quite some time, and then immediately wished she hadn’t. Hannah was there dropping off some items in the storage room, while all eight of her children were racing wildly around the displays at the front of the building. There was a lot to be said for a community that kept its Museum unlocked so that community members could visit, drop off donations, at all hours, but on the other hand, if there were set opening hours then one could be assured of at least a quiet moment for relaxation.
“Whatsthis?” Jayne felt a sticky tug on her empty hand, and looked down to see one of Hannah’s two-year-old twins.
“A baby buggy.”
“Whatsitdo?”
“It’s for pushing babies around.”
“Whynotcarryem?”
“Does your mommy carry you around?” Jayne glanced around the room, there were still children running wildly, but suddenly no sign of Hannah, and Jayne hoped she hadn’t skipped out the back door. It wouldn’t be the first time Hannah had pulled such a stunt, leaving others to babysit the children, until she could be tracked down.
“Hannah?...Hannah?...You had better still be here…”
“Mommysayswetooheavy.”
Jayne looked down at the twin who now had both sticky hands wrapped around her leg, and showed no sign of letting go. What mother would give something sticky to children and then let them run wild through a bunch of priceless antiques? Okay, stickiness aside, who would let their children run wild around a bunch of FRAGILE antiques?
“Right...so instead of carrying a baby, mommies would push them in a baby buggy.”
“Why?”
“So they could go for a walk or get groceries or the mail.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s illegal to leave children unattended.”
“Whatsillgal?”
“Very bad.”
“Gotobedbad?”
“Worse.”
Jayne wondered how the twin could even hear her as the other children were so loud, and still there was no sign of Hannah. She started easing her way toward the bathrooms by the storage room, dragging the twin, who seemed to be suctioned to her leg, along with her.
“Howmuchworse.”
“No food, no toys, no playing, and right to bed worse.”
Before Jayne could blink she had a crying, screaming child attached to her, and as usually happens, once one child started crying, all the rest stopped their running and started crying too.
“Good Grief! This has got to be the worse Monday on record...HANNAH, GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”
“Oh my goodness, what did you do to my babies?”
Jayne was tempted to tell Hannah, who thankfully had still been within shouting distance, but exactly where she’d been was still a mystery to Jayne as she’d been distracted by the children, what she WANTED to do to those precious screaming babies, but instead did her best to remove the worst offender off her leg, as Hannah gathered the rest to her.
“It’s okay...Mommy won’t let this big mean lady hurt you...come here and I’ll kiss it better.”
Jayne rolled her eyes. She’d been around these kids enough, and been conned into babysitting them enough, that they all knew she wasn’t a big mean lady at all.
“Hannah, some assistance would be appreciated here, please.” Jayne continued her efforts to remove the crying child from her leg.
“You aren’t going to get away from me, Young Lady, the cops are on their way and they’ll be taking you with them.”
Jayne closed her eyes and tried counting to ten. If everyone didn’t leave her alone and let her get her plans in place, she was going to scream.
(August 18, 2017 )
Jayne didn’t even reach the count of five before she had the Mayor, Hannah, and Dan in her face, all vying for her attention, as the kids started racing wildly around the displays again.
“ENOUGH!!”
Had she not been so emotionally raw, and fed up with people interfering with her plans, Jayne would have laughed out loud as everyone, including Hannah’s wild hooligans, instantly froze in place and stared at her.
“Hannah, didn’t you want to discuss your plans for opening a daycare with the Mayor? You may still have time to get it on the next agenda. Dan, could you please rescue the mannequin before it crashes into that old harpsichord and flattens a child or two.”
While the Mayor’s attention was monopolized by a very eager Hannah, and Dan’s back was turned as he corralled out-of-control children and wrestled with the old mannequin, Jayne picked up the precious envelope and slipped out the door. She debated heading to the farm, but decided it was no use trying to hide, so she went back to her office, dropping into the chair closest to the doorway with a loud sigh, and flinging the envelope onto her desk.
“Gertie’s already called FIVE times about the quilting club’s hours and location for this week...Frank’s not answering, so do we put the ad in as is, or leave it out?...Grad pic isn’t as big as we thought so do you want it on the front page, or do I leave it in the centrefold and just make our names bigger?...Father Phillipe dropped off the funeral mass notice for Todd so I put that in and it’s waiting for your approval before I send the proof back to him...he also had a thank you from the family which I put in, and some writings that Todd had done...I told him I’d ask you about them, and he said just let him know what you decide as the family’s pretty shattered right now, understandably, and don’t want to deal with anyone...Also, Constable Mark was here looking for you - nothing urgent, something about sightlines, I think he said - I sent him around back, but he must have missed you as he said he’d try later...Mrs. T phoned to say hi, and I’m to tell you she’s praying for you...when you have a moment, Peter wants to discuss with you the pitch he’s going to give at the next council meeting and see if you have any ideas or pointers...Mr. Hickson stick his head in the door and said you owe him BIG TIME for Operation Harpy Alert - what the heck is that?...Gladys called and did her usual routine about the hymns and bulletin and wondered if we could please change our deadlines - I told her she’d have discuss that with the Big Guy and she thought I meant Father Phillipe, not God, which is kinda funny in a way..Mrs. Smythers phoned and said she needs to discuss an addition to their ad now that they got the gas pumps working again - and we’re to tell anyone who asks that the pumps are working, and…”
“No more...PLEASE...no more…” Jayne slouched down and closed her eyes. She wished she hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning. Truthfully, she wished she could crawl into bed and forget the whole last week. Okay, maybe not the supper with Dan and the KISS, but everything else could be forgotten. Though with the way her luck was going of late, if she could by some miracle relive the week and do it all over, she’d either experience the same stuff, or something much worse.
“You okay?”
“I’ve had the worst morning, and it looks like it is going to lead into a worse afternoon and into a worse week…” Jayne slouched even lower on the chair.
“Aw,” Steph bounced up and gave Jayne a hug, “why don’t you go rest and I’ll hold down the fort. You’ve been through a lot lately and could use the break.”
Jayne glared, “I’m perfectly FINE…”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Five bucks says that’s Gertie again...you want to answer it?”
Jayne shuddered and shook her head.
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful morning?”
Jayne often marvelled at how chipper Steph could be on the phone. It didn’t matter who was on the line, Steph managed to treat them all with the same calm, smiling demeanour. Noticing how sticky she was, Jayne got up, grabbed a cloth from the sink, and started wiping down her legs.
“As far as I know you still have a balance owing on your advertising bill so we won’t be able to renew your ads until full payment has been received...yes, I understand that times are hard, and I’m sure you would agree that it isn’t fair for us either if we don’t receive payment for services rendered?...Yes, that is certainly your prerogative...Goodbye, and have a lovely day.”
Steph reached down and took a five dollar bill from the purse at her feet, and placed it on the corner of Jayne’s desk. “It was that sleaze from the condemned car wash outside the city who still owes us for the ads last year. Same sob story about how he’s getting picked on and no one understands how rough he has it.”
“Didn’t he go into receivership? Why does he need to advertise?” Jayne was only half paying attention as she tried to remove the various sticky spots from her body. How could such a short person reach so many spots?
“I think so...he did say…”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Okay, another fiver THIS ONE is Gertie...Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful sunny morning?...Why Gerie, what a surprise to hear from you.” Steph grinned as she picked up the five dollar bill and set it on her desk. “No, I haven’t had a chance to change it since your last phone call, oh, three minutes ago...nope, no lip, ma’am,” Steph rolled her eyes, “right, go with the first time. I will do that, and you have a marvellous day.”
Whenever Steph worked a Monday, the same five dollar bill would trade hands throughout the day as they bet on whether it was Gertie, or any of the other quilting gals, phoning to change, yet again, the club’s weekly time and location. Invariably, it seemed Steph always ended up with the money by the end of the day, and it kept them from going crazy with the endless phone calls.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“No bet, doubt she’d be phoning back so soon...Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful morning?...Yes, she’s back...do you want to talk to her now?...No?...Okay...yes...yes, I’ll let her know...You too...don’t work too hard.”
Steph hung up the phone and got up to refill her mug. “Constable Mark wants you to hang around here, and not leave town today if you can help it...he’s back at the station now, but hopes to be around this afternoon to ask you some questions.”
Jayne dropped down into a chair. After the morning’s stress she didn’t know if she could handle whatever Mark wanted to talk about.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Sigh, this could be Gertie...to bet or not??...Okay, I’m in...Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful morning?...Sorry, I will NOT take off my shirt for you at any time...and, no, I won’t go out with you either.” Steph made a face and put the five back on Jayne’s desk, “I’m not exactly sure why you are phoning as I can see your cheque on Jayne’s desk...Uh...,” Steph mouthed the name Mike and Jayne shook her head, “…no, she’s not in right now... I’d be a happy to take a message...no, okay, enjoy your day.”
(September 1, 2017 )
September 15, 2017 )
October 6, 2017 )
“Okay, that was weird...even for Mike...You guys have a fight or something?”
“No...other than I refused to take my shirt off for him...again! You’d think he’d give up after all this time.”
“Maybe he thinks you’ll forget one day and say yes.” Steph giggled.
“Not likely! I’m more likely to cancel his ad for bad behaviour.”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful sunny morning?” Steph made a face before putting the five dollar bill back on Jayne’s desk. “Honestly, Gertie, you are not the only person we deal with here, so just chill out will you. I can’t make any changes to your quilting schedule if you don’t stop phoning every,” Steph glanced at the clock, “two minutes all morning, nor does Jayne have time to return your phone calls, which I remind you are coming every two minutes. Do you have us on speed dial or what?...No, I am not being disrespectful here, ma’am, I believe it is you who is not respecting our time...Whoa!...She hung up on me!”
“Isn’t the first time, won’t be the last time. I thought she was going out of town today.”
“Really? I hadn’t heard anything about...OH MY GOSH...Gertie’s the harpy, isn’t she?” Steph’s eyes widened as big as they could go.
“Shhhhhhh…” Jayne glanced at the open office door, “Yes, but keep it quiet will you.”
“Gertie and Mr. Hickson? Who’d have thought…”
“Don’t get excited, it isn’t what you think.”
“Really???...Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Patty wants to stop in and talk to you later this afternoon...I think,” Steph shuffled some of the papers on her desk, before reaching over to shuffle the ones by Jayne’s computer, “I put the note here somewhere...I know I did...here it is. Yes, she’ll stop around 2:00 if that’s okay. If not, just let Peter know as they’re going to be having lunch together or something.”
“Wow, you mean I’ll finally get to meet the mystery gal who keeps running away from me? Wonder what she wants?”
“Don’t know...she didn’t say...seems nice, in a very quiet way...almost like she’s scared of her shadow.”
“Hmmmm...she can’t be too scared as she’s managed to make friends with almost everyone in town except me.” Jayne sorted the various bits and pieces on her desk, handing some to Steph, and keeping others.
“Technically me as well. This is the first time I spoke to her.”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Would you look at that, two minutes exactly...Good morning, Humble Beginnings...how may I be of assistance to you this beautiful sunny morning?” Steph scowled and pulled another five dollar bill from her purse to put on Jayne’s desk. “No worries, I’ll let Jayne know as soon as possible. Enjoy your day. Goodbye.” Steph hung up the phone and then made an exaggerated point of looking outside and around before leaning closer to the Jayne and whispering, “Operation Harpy has just been executed. They are leaving town now. And, I’m to remind you that you owe him big time.”
“I know, I know...Peace and quiet at last.” Jayne jumped up and did a quick dance before sitting down in front of her computer. “But there’s no guarantee it will last so we better get as much done as we can.”
“Hey, Short Stuff, run over to Monique’s for me and see if Jr. is still hanging around there. I need his help with the tractor.”
Jayne looked up to see Tommy in the doorway. He gave Steph a quick one-armed hug as she slipped by him, after glancing at Jayne to see if it was okay. As soon as she was out of sight, Tommy turned a chair around and straddled it, keeping one eye on the open door.
“Mom said you called early this morning with some lame excuse about supper tonight, which worried Dad since he had to drive her to her appointment today, so he said I was to tell you he has deputized me and authorized me to do whatever you need done, and I’ll keep it strictly confidential from any and all persons you want me to.”
Jayne couldn’t help herself as she burst into tears again. Tommy snagged a box of Kleenex for her and patted her on the back.
“Gee, I haven’t seen you cry since...well, since the Old Nag died. What’s up?”
Jayne sniffled, “She wasn’t a nag, she was my friend.”
Tommy snorted, “She was a cantankerous old nag who liked nothing better to toss us in the dirt if we dared get on her back, head butt us if we forgot to bring her a treat, bite us if we tried to brush her, or just kick us for the heck of it. But, that’s not what I’m here to talk about, quick we don’t have much time.”
Jayne grabbed the envelope and pulled out the hall key. Maybe, just maybe, she could still pull this off? Though, if she managed to survive the next 48 hours she vowed she was going to put Steph in charge so she could literally hid somewhere for a full week, no, make that two weeks.
Jayne took a deep breath and started talking as fast as she could as she kept an eye on the open door, “Okay, you can’t tell a soul who doesn’t know the password - which is ‘thimble’ by the way - for anyone else, you have to keep this a total secret. You and four other guys - remember only ones who know the password should be there - will be a Smythers’ back door at 1:00 sharp today to get some very large packages which need to be snuck down the back alley to the back door of the hall - here’s the key. Don’t lose it, guard it with your life. No one, and I repeat, no one can see you do this. After the packages are in the hall, you and the guys will clear out the back storage room - we have permission to move the chairs, tables and such into the space behind the stage - they should all fit. I can’t remember if there is anything back there or not but if there is, it can go up in the old projector room for now. Mike should be showing up around 1:30 - don’t let him in if he doesn’t say the password and make sure he’d alone! Someone will be stopping at Mrs. T’s at 2:00 today and then knocking on the hall door shortly after that with some more packages. DO NOT open the door to anyone unless they use the password. Once the room is cleared out, you’ll be painting and doing some minor renos - Mike should have all the supplies and materials - and then you’ll put the package contents together and set up everything. Hopefully Jim can help out tomorrow. You have until 9:00 Wednesday morning to get this all done as the unveiling will start at noon , Wednesday, if all goes well. Mr. Hickson is to keep Gertie occupied and hopefully out of town till Wednesday so there shouldn't be any unexpected interruptions. I checked and Todd’s Mass isn’t till Friday so they shouldn’t need to set up for the lunch till after we’re all done.” Jayne took another deep breath.
“Okay, 1:00 Smythers’...password thimble...sneak into hall...got it...don’t worry kiddo, we’ll make this work.” Tommy dropped the key into his pocket.
Jayne sighed as Tommy enveloped her in his classic bear hug. Maybe, just maybe…
“Monique said Jr. headed back to the farm so you much have must missed each other...everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine...Thanks Short Stuff, I’ll get the mail and head back. If I’m lucky, he’ll already be working on the tractor.”
“Or eating everything he can get his hands on.”
Tommy gave Jayne another squeeze and tousled her hair. He hugged Steph before heading out the door.
“Is something going on?”
( Jayne shuffled some file folders and pieces of paper in front of her as she avoided looking at Steph’s eyes. “Nope...nothing’s going on...Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know...maybe ‘cause you and T Man were pretty serious looking when I walked in.”
“Nope, nothing to worry about...except getting this edition together.”
“Okay,” Steph rolled her eyes and sat down in front of her computer before listing off, “we have grad...we have the 4H/Todd Memorial fundraiser - pictures and silent auction results...we have the accident - pictures too...we have the Tea - pictures and a caption, I left out the Mayor’s speech as it’s too long as usual...we have the short stories - I got the electronic copies from Monique so they are done, and she said to tell you she IS resting today...we have Todd’s funeral mass notice - you still need to decide what to do with the story from Father Phillipe...Oh, Constable Mark said we can leave out the weekly report if we need to, since we have the accident info, so I didn’t put it in yet...we have the Toddlers’ Teddy Bear picnic picture to still fit in - gosh, those kids are cute this year...we have the council minutes...we have two pages of classifieds - still need to decide on Frank’s ad...What else?...Oh, we have a page blocked out for the Dubois estate auction, but the auctioneer phoned to say that they had to change the date, and he wondered if we can put in the Van Dijk’s farm auction instead - guess it’s true they are selling...too bad, they are great neighbours...Smythers want a larger ad to thank everyone for their patience during the problem with the gas pumps so I drafted up something and you need to look at it...I didn’t finalize the quilting time or location yet...and we do NOT have a front page, so do you want the Teddy Bear picnic on the front?”
Jayne compared Steph’s comments with her master list, “Hang onto the Mayor’s speech as we might need it for a joke some time...as we already had a story of Todd’s, we’ll run the story from Father Phillipe next week as I’m sure there will be thank you’s and we can put them together as a tribute...if we don’t hear from Frank tomorrow morning, we’ll pull the ad...leave out the cop report and we’ll do a double one next week...farm auction ad can go in if he’s running the same size ad...don’t worry about the quilt gals...shrink the grad picture so you can run the names in a vertical column on the side and add the picnic picture in the centrefold...leave the front page blank for now...I’ll look at Smythers’ ad soon...what about the notice for the Vacation Bible School?”
“I didn’t see a VBS notice.”
“Where did that notice go?” Jayne shuffled through the pile in front of her, “They were changing the dates this year and starting earlier so we have to get it in ASAP.”
“What did it look like?”
“Just a crumpled scrap piece of paper...Pastor Glynn scrawled it on something he pulled out of his pocket as we were standing outside the post office the other day.”
“Okay...so you were at the post office, which means it came in here with the mail...did you look in the recycle bin?”
Jayne stuck her tongue out at Steph, “Yes, I checked the recycle bin...and under everything...and in all the folders and piles...more than once.”
“Hmmmm...post office...mail...did you make any other stops before coming back here?”
“Honestly, Steph, when DON’T I make any other stops?”
“True...you’re almost like Billy from the Family Circus cartoon with your meandering around.” Steph laughed, “You know, you could just phone Pastor Glynn and admit you lost it and ask for the information again.”
“Absolutely NOT!”
“He doesn’t expect you to be perfect.”
“That’s not it...I don’t want to have to go through the hassle of trying to converse with him when he doesn't have his hearing aids in. It’s possible to work around it in person, but pretty much impossible over the phone.”
“Okay, so leave space for the VBS notice and we’ll keep looking for it...now about that front page...what’s going on?”
Jayne sighed, she knew it was too much to expect to keep everything a secret from Steph, especially as she was working on the newspaper.
“Nothing definite yet, but there might be a special announcement to go on the front.”
“OH! MY! You and Dan actually set a date for the wedding! I guess Hilda knew what she was doing after all. Just wait till I tell Mommy! Oh, this is so exciting!”
“Hannah!” Jayne jumped up and raced to the door to catch Hannah before she dashed away, but she was stalled when she almost tripped over Hannah’s children who were intent on racing into the Humble Beginnings office. “Oh, no you don’t...Out! Out! OUT! Hannah, you get right back here and get your kids NOW!”
Steph helped Jayne herd the kids outside and sent them off down the street after their mother.
“Hmmmm...so, is it a wedding announcement?”
“NO, it is NOT! What do we do about those kids...there is no way they will catch up to Hannah now, she’s running too fast?”
“Do you think they’ll just go home?”
“Doubtful, but...wait...Wilson Twin Alert...send the twins after the kids and they can babysit them.”
“Do you really think that is wise?”
“Trust me, there is nothing, NOTHING, those twins could do to corrupt those kids.”
“Okay, back in a bit.”
Jayne watched Steph head down the street to intercept the Wilson twins and send them off to chase Hannah’s kids. When she figured it was safe, Jayne reached for the phone to make a quick phone call.
“Studmuffin Helping Hands...how can our hands help you?”
“Cute name.”
“Ah, Jayne, we weren’t going for cute...we’re going for…”
“I know, I know...studly...well, I need you and your three best helpers at Smythers’ back door today at 1:00 sharp.”
“You realize that doesn’t give me much time to round up the guys?”
“How does free pizza for a week sound?”
“We won’t let you down. The Studmuffins are on the job.”
“Thanks...Tommy is in charge and the code word is thimble...and, remember, this top secret...no one can know.”
“Right! Thanks for the pizza...you know, you’re not bad for an older chick.”
“Don’t push it. Thanks...and this is our secret.”
Jayne looked outside and saw that Steph and the Wilson Twins were still rounding up the rambunctious kids. There was just enough time for another quick phone call.
“Good morning, Humble Hotel, our coffee is hot and our cinnamon buns are fresh…”
“Mrs. Schulz, add the dozen week-long pizza gift coupons to my order.”
“So, it’s all in place and really happening?”
“Yep, it’s really happening. Fingers crossed it’s done in time.”
“Okay, Sweetie, the coupons are added...bill to Classified like the rest?”
“Yes, please.”
Jayne hung up right as Steph walked back in the door, breathing hard from running.
“I hope you know what you’re doing...I’m not sure I’d trust the Wilson Twins with my kids.”
( “The method to my madness is to keep the Twins so occupied they can’t create any havoc around Main Street, and maybe...just maybe...when she realizes where her kids are, and who they are with, Hannah will be so freaked out that she’ll keep a tighter rein on the hooligans this summer, and won’t expect the rest of us to provide free babysitting.”
“I don’t know...sounds pretty risky to me...you do realize there is a chance the Twins will teach the kids ALL of their bad tricks and habits?”
“Sigh...you really know how to take all the fun out life,” Jayne stuck her tongue out a Steph, before they both collapsed into their chairs laughing.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
Jayne reached over and put the two five dollar bills on Steph’s desk before winking, “I dare you to answer that…”
~~~~~~
Later that evening Jayne sat outside Monique’s apartment door on the top step, a plate of food sitting forgotten on her lap, as she slumped against the old railing and gazed sightlessly at the limited view, the low hum of indistinct voices coming from the building behind her not disturbing her at all. After the hectic morning, with its added stress, the afternoon had been rather anti-climatic as she and Steph worked on the newspaper layout virtually uninterrupted. Constable Mark had been tied up with another issue, so rescheduled their meeting, leaving her in the dark as to what he needed to discuss with her. Considering everything the two of them had discussed lately, what else was there to talk about?
And, even more disappointing to Jayne, the mysterious Patty hadn’t shown up either. It seemed that none of the MacDonalds knew where she was staying, as she wasn’t at the hotel, so Jayne had no way of tracking her down, and would just have to wait so more. At least Tommy was in charge of the activity at the hall, and if his wink when he arrived was any indication, all was progressing as planned there, which was a huge relief to Jayne.
Now, she was finally alone, having escaped the boisterous gathering of MacDonalds and friends who were crammed into Monique’s tiny apartment for the weekly MacDonald Monday supper. Alone, without any task to distract her, and finally face to face with the all the emotions and mental stresses of the past week, Jayne could not summon any energy to even eat, or appreciate the lovely summer evening.
Almost against her will, she replayed over and over in her mind the various events that she’d been involved in, including the bizarre situation with Jasper Winterbloom, seeing Monique’s car smashed by the train, the phone call with her mother, the encounter in the library closet with her father, and her run-in with the Mayor just that morning. As each scene unfolded like a movie in her imagination, she slumped lower and lower, as if she carried the weight of the entire world on her shoulders like poor Atlas. And, as each scene replayed, there was a nagging feeling that she was missing something vital that would explain the meaning behind this whole mess, and why she was the target, or at least why she was stuck in the middle of it all. It couldn’t be mere coincidence that she heard from both parents in the same week, years after being abandoned by them, and basically ignored for all that time. Why would they want to interfere in her life after all those years of neglect?
“Are you ready to talk now?”
Jayne jumped in surprise, and only Dan’s lightning quick reflexes kept the plate of food from falling, and the fork from flying through the air and potentially hurting one of them.
“What is it with you and this obsessive need to talk?” she accepted the plate and fork back before quickly jammed a forkful of lasagne into her mouth, hoping to stall any further questions.
“Hmmm, I don’t know...maybe because when you aren’t talking that means you are working yourself into knots...and then there will be an explosion later on.” Dan casually leaned back as he settled a couple of steps below where Jayne was sitting.
She’d have shown him how she could explode right then and there, but she was still chewing. Dan could be such an annoying know-it-all some times. Having someone who could see right through you wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, when you got right down to it. In fact, it was down right annoying, and one day when she got enough nerve up, she’d tell Dan right to his face what she thought him and his know-it-all attitude. One day, but not tonight when she felt so raw.
“Thanks,” Jayne couldn't help the resentful tone in her voice as she reluctantly accepted the glass of homemade lemonade that Dan seemed to produce out of mid-air.
“So, why are you out here, and not inside with everyone?”
Jayne wasn’t fooled by his innocent-sounding question, “I needed some air...it’s stuffy with all those extra bodies crammed in there.” She took another forkful. She knew there was no escaping this time, short of throwing herself down the stairs, but that didn’t stop her from trying to avoid what she considered to be an all-out interrogation.
“I’m sorry.”
Dan’s simply apology was so unexpected that Jayne ended up choking. After a few pats on the back, and gulp of the lemonade, she was finally able to breathe and talk again.
“For what?”
“For hiding that we were in contact with your parents…in my, well I mean our defence, Dad and I figured that if you had ever shown any indication that you wanted to track them down, we’d have told you...since you didn’t, we didn’t...I know, it’s a rather feeble excuse.”
“Why did you track them down?” Jayne knew that Dan was aware that she had felt lost and upset when she’d been left alone in Humble all those years ago, and that coming to live with the MacDonalds had originally been one of the hardest times of her life, but she also knew that he, as well as the rest of the family, didn’t have a clue what her life had really been like before arriving in Humble, and that her feelings weren’t necessarily for the reasons that they all thought they were. While it may not have been the best coping strategy, her decision to just forget, as much as she could, what her life was like before and move forward was the only way she knew. Internal scars were easier to hide than external ones, so no one was the wiser, or so Jayne thought. Maybe Dan and Jim knew more than they let on.
Jayne flinched involuntarily as Dan reached up to very gently rub the cut on her neck. “We were trying to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
“We didn’t know...that’s partly why we did it...to find out what your parents were like, and if there would be any ramifications for you from their decision to split, and their lifestyle choices.”
“We were homeless...you can say it, you know...it isn’t a ‘lifestyle choice,’”
“Jaynelle…”
Jayne put the plate down and headed down the stairs. She didn’t get far before Dan caught her and pulled her down into his lap.
“YOU were homeless...they were, and possibly still are, involved in things that you are better off not knowing about.”
Jayne started struggling, “Let me go! Who put you in charge of me and my life? This is MY life. Hello! Look a me...REALLY. LOOK. AT. ME! I’m covered head to toe in bruises and cuts all because you and Jim were ‘protecting’ me...I darn well have a right to know what is going on as I’M the one who is directly affected here.”
(October 20, 2017 )
November 3, 2017 )
Jayne finally had had enough, and thought only of getting away from everyone and everything, especially Dan, otherwise he’d see her explode like he’d never seen her explode before. More by accident than design, as she struggled to get away, Jayne managed to elbow Dan in the torso and temporarily knock the wind out of him. Taking advantage of his loosened grip, she quickly descended the stairway and headed around the far side of the building. Partway to Main Street , she realized that neither her apartment, nor the farm, the two destinations she thought to headed for, would offer any protection, or respite, from Dan, or the intense anger bubbling within her. Sharply turning around, Jayne headed back, pausing just long enough to make sure Dan wasn’t still sitting on the steps, before dashing to the back alley, and beginning a zigzag pattern as she moved further from the library. She knew she had only a few minutes to get away before Dan, who would have gone the shorter way around to cut her off, realized that she hadn’t headed for her place, or the farm, and would come chasing after her, and with his longer legs he could easily out run her.
Out of breath, Jayne slipped between two lilac bushes and collapsed on Mrs. T’s back step.
“My gosh, Dear, where did you come from?”
“S-s-sorry...D-d-didn’t...mean...to...s-s-startle...you.” Jayne accepted the cold glass of ice tea that Mrs. T had almost pour all over her head. While Mrs. T went back inside to get another glass, Jayne took a deep breath and cooled her face with the icy condensation on glass. Now that she was here, she didn’t know exactly why she had chosen to hide at Mrs. T’s, nor did she have any idea how to escape the mix of feelings that were threatening to overwhelm her.
“Come, Dear, let’s go sit on the swing...it’s such a lovely evening.”
Jayne followed Mrs. T across the yard as she marvelled at the older woman’s agility and endless energy.
“So what brings you to my back step as if the hounds of Hades were chasing you?”
Jayne took a sip of the iced tea, as much to avoid answering, as a chance to get her scattered thoughts together.
“I just needed to get away.”
“Get away?”
“It seems like everyone is ganging up on me!” Jayne inwardly cringed. Great, now she sounded like a whiny elementary kid, not that she ever was a whiny elementary kid, but she had seen examples in the school yard at recesses.
“Well, it has been a rather...busy…time for you lately. How’s the project coming along.”
Jayne grabbed at the change of topic, like a drowning person grabbed a lifeline. “Great! Tommy is in charge and things seem to be going smoothly. If all goes well, they should finish tomorrow afternoon and then just the final details will need dealt with Wednesday morning. And I haven’t heard from Mr. Hickson so hopefully he’s managing to keep Gertie occupied.”
“Or, Gertie is keeping him occupied.”
Jayne couldn’t be entirely sure, but she thought Mrs. T seemed extra tickled over the idea of Mr. Hickson and Gertie being together. She took another sip of tea and debated how much she should say to Mrs. T. While she could count on Mrs. T keeping their conversation confidential, she knew she couldn’t count on Mrs. T staying in the background if the elderly lady thought she could bring about a solution by rearranging circumstances and interested parties like they were pieces on a chess board.
“I don’t know what to do about Dan.”
Jayne was surprised when Mrs. T started laughing so hard that tears ran down her wrinkled face.
“Oh, you young things...I remember well when Vera showed up one evening, sobbing her heart out, because she was having a hard time figuring out Jim MacDonald. Those two would fight like cats and dogs whenever they were in the same room rather than have a normal conversation. Everyone could plainly see they were madly in love with each other, but neither one would make the first move and admit it, so they just kept going around and around, till some of the high school boys managed to trick them and locked them both in the old outhouse that was still out behind the hall at that time. With no way out, and such close quarters, they couldn’t hide for long and had to come clean about what they were going through and feeling. It was quite the relief to us all when they finally got things sorted out. It may be a cliché, but love really does make things easier.”
“Love?? Who said anything about love?”
“Now don’t you try and fool an old fool like me.”
“Mrs. T, you’re not an old fool...in fact, you’re the smartest person I know.”
“Be that as it may, things will be easier for both you and Dan if you just stop fighting all the time.”
“We don’t fight,” Jayne was confused.
“I mean your feelings, Dear. Back in my day, when we liked someone we just said so. Time was short, and life was hard, so we didn’t have the luxury of moping around wondering or worrying. Saved a lot of time and energy knowing exactly where you stood with folks. Now that doesn’t mean there weren’t some dust ups. My gosh, there were some real doozies, when a boy liked more than one girl, or a girl had more than one guy after her, but all in all, it would always work out in the end.”
“So, I should just ask Dan how he feels?”
“No, you should just TELL Dan how YOU feel.”
“But that’s the problem...I don’t know how I feel...and how could I tell Dan, even if I did.”
“Oh, I think you know exactly how you feel...you just are scared to admit it, even to yourself. Life isn’t half as complicated as you youngsters make it by pretending to be something you aren’t.”
Jayne wasn’t sure if she was getting advice, or a lecture, or both. Mrs. T always made things sound so easy, yet, Jayne knew life wasn't easy. Not by a long shot.
“But what if he doesn’t like me that way...or gets upset...or it destroys our friendship?”
“Then you’ll know for sure and won’t be spending all your time wondering needlessly.”
“But….”
“No buts...Jayne, you of all people in Humble know there are no guarantees or certainties in life. Yet, even with all its uncertainty, if you just focus on what is right in front of you right in the moment, you can experience some precious miracles.”
“I know, but…”
“Dan won’t abandon you, Jayne.”
Whoa, it never ceased to amaze Jayne how Mrs. T could manage to find someone’s deepest, darkest, scariest, fear, and get it right out into the open.
“And, even if for some reason he had to leave you - whether illness, job, or even death - that would not change the feelings of love the two of you have for each other...and you are a strong, resilient woman, capable of handling whatever comes your way...look how you’ve managed this past week.”
Jayne was pretty sure that Mrs. T didn’t know everything that had happened, but one couldn’t be entirely sure.
(But whether Mrs. T know everything that had happened to Jayne in the past week or not, and one could never be sure about former teachers Jayne had found, there was one thing Mrs. T was wrong about. Jayne wasn’t strong, not even a little bit, but she was tough, and there was a great difference between the two states.
Strong described the MacDonald family, who no matter what happened, had each other for support, and always knew they were never alone. They were a family that stuck together and grew closer and stronger as the years went by. A family that weathered whatever life tossed at them, and yet seemed able to easily adapt to the changes of life’s twists and turns. A family that welcomed others in and never seemed to run out of love. They were solid as a rock, and just as unshakable. A family you could depend on no matter what.
Strong described Monique, who had left her old life and completely reinvented herself in an alien (to her) environment, and been embraced by all. So what if she wasn’t a physically strong person right now, Monique’s big heart and strong will made up for that, and drew others to her. No matter what health challenges Monique faced, she didn’t let anything get her down for long. Jayne knew if she was the one facing health issues, she would not be handling it half as well as Monique.
Strong described Mrs. T who had literally lived through historical events that Jayne and others her age had only read about, events that were character-defining in ways that Jayne could not even imagine. What did they do all day? And how did they accomplish what they did do? How did people manage before all the technological advances that were so prevalent in life today?
Strong described Todd’s parents as they grieved and prepared to bury their only child. Jayne could not even begin to understand how they were coping, or what they were feeling, after such a devastating heartbreak. Their lives were irrevocably changed, and nothing could restore it to the way it was before.
On the other hand, Jayne was tough. She knew how to survive and stay alive. She knew how to steal and scrounge for food. She knew how to hide from the authorities, and how to sneak around. She could pick a lock if needed, and scam anyone out of anything, as well as a few other somewhat questionable skills that had been necessary in her childhood, but were not required in Humble.
When life dumped its garbage on others, they managed to bloom in the midst of the mud, when life dumped on Jayne she only knew how to camouflage herself in the mud. Really strong people bent and swayed in the winds of life, they didn’t break. Jayne always felt that she was on the verge of breaking when life became more stressful. Granted life didn’t get too stressful in Humble, usually, but this past week had more than made up for all the previous years of quiet.
“...and I am excited for our plans for Wednesday. It was very clever of you to come up with this scheme. How is it coming along, Dear?”
Jayne jolted back to reality, and realized that she had missed what Mrs. T was saying. What was she talking about? Oh, Wednesday...
“I didn’t get a chance to view the progress tonight, but all the plans and players have finally been set in motion, and everyone knows what their job is. Hopefully, there will be no more hassles or setbacks.”
“As long as Gertie is occupied, I don’t think we need to worry.”
“I hope that Mr. Hickson won’t be too angry with me after all this is over. I’d hate for him to be traumatized forever because of me.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, and it will be a good opportunity for him to see that Gertie is a human being with feelings. I think he’s forgotten that in their ongoing squabbles.”
“Are you sure about that?” Jayne had had enough run-ins with Gertie through the years, that the concept of Gertie having feelings - which Jayne knew intellectually - seemed unreal. Gertie rarely had any concern for the feelings of others as she steamrolled over anyone in her way. Maybe if folks had stood up to her through the years, Gertie might not have reached the point where she thought she was an all-powerful entity, and a law unto herself. Jayne hoped her plans didn’t backfire. The last thing she needed in her life was Gertie on the warpath.
“So what are their squabbles about?”
“One day when a parent called me out of the classroom, Rodney pulled Gertie’s braids, when they were both in school and she’s never forgiven him, and he baits her just to get her riled up.”
“Rodney!?!?!!” Jayne was thrilled to have another name to add to her growing list. How it was possible to live in a community where everyone knew everyone else for decades, and not know their given names? Or, at least let newcomers know their names. She wondered if she could get a few more names out of Mrs. T, as the former teacher had taught the vast majority of Humble residents.
“Rodney Wellington Hickson to be exact. Not sure where the Wellington came from as there hasn’t been one in the Hickson line for generations. Good family...came over in the 1700s...but not of famous stock - they were really good genealogists so it wasn’t hard to find out. I think their family book is in the museum.”
“Was Mr. Simpson in the same class?” Jayne decided to give it a try.
“No, Oscar was a grade ahead of Rodney and Gertie. He was such a quiet child and well-behaved...very courteous...excellent grades...then he came out of his shell...he always smiled a lot.”
Jayne couldn’t wait to tell Monique that she had two more names.
“Wait, Mr. Simpson smiled a lot???”
“Yes, he was such a happy child.”
“What happened?”
“Olga Brunski ran away and it broke his heart.”
“Olga Brunski? Who was that?”
“She was the cutest little doll of a child. Blonde hair and the bluest of eyes. Her mother made, and dressed her, in fancy embroidered dresses. The workmanship was exquisite, and would have taken hours and hours. I never had the patience, to my own mother’s regret. I did manage to acquire enough skill to hand quilt, but embroidery was always beyond me. I admire people who can do embroidery, especially petit-point.”
“What happened?” As much as Jayne enjoyed listening to Mrs. T’s stories and tangents, but she was eager to find out what happened to turn Mr. Simpson into such a sourpuss.
“Oscar was smitten from the first moment he saw her. Shared his lunch with her...picked flowers...pushed her on the swings...walked her home…they’d sit together and read. They were inseparable for years. Sat together at socials and church events. I know her family weren’t too happy they spent so much time together, but they really had nothing they could complain about as Oscar was so well-mannered and well-behaved.”
“So, what happened?” Jayne couldn’t wait to find out the end of the story.
“Oscar was going to ask her to the senior prom, and he was so excited and spiffed himself up, but that Sunday night he went over to the Brunski house, he was barred from entering and was told never to return. We all found out the next day that Olga had suddenly disappeared the previous day. No one knew where she had gone, or why. She didn’t even packed a suitcase, or even take a sweater or jacket. Just walked away from the house, and was never seen or heard from again. It completely broke Oscar heart. He was never the same, and he never looked at another girl after that.
“Was she kidnapped?”
(November 17, 2017 )
While Jayne had experienced her own share of taking off and leaving a place without any notice or warning, she couldn’t imagine anyone from Humble doing that willingly, or successfully. She now knew that even her own parents hadn’t managed to escape Humble without being tracked down, and by ordinary citizens at that. The community was just too tight-knit and family-like for someone to totally disappear without something drastic having happened to them. And since everyone knew everyone else, secrets were practically impossible to keep - as Jayne also knew well from personal experience - so if a person was going to run away, someone would have witnessed the running, or heard something. Nothing in Humble happened in a vacuum.
“The general consensus was that she left of her own volition, but we’ll never know for sure.”
“What did the police say?”
“Oh, the police were never called.”
Jayne was stunned, “Why not?”
Despite the events of the previous week, her close friendship with Constable Mark, and her recent years living in Humble, Jayne still had a lingering fear and distrust of the RCMP, yet she knew people with “normal” upbringings, such as the residents of Humble, didn’t, so she couldn’t fathom why Olga’s family wouldn’t have called the police when she disappeared. That should have been one of their first actions.
“It just wasn’t done back then. People kept their private lives private.”
“Uh...it’s a little hard to keep private the complete and utter disappearance of someone who was obviously seen in and around the community all the time...why did no one question it?...it doesn’t sound like she was a problem teen with a history of running away...didn’t ANYONE try to look for her?”
“Oscar wanted to, but his parents convinced him that it would be a waste of time...and he was better off forgetting Olga.”
Jayne flopped back on the swing. This attitude that Mrs. T was revealing was totally opposite to everything she’d come to learn about Humble and its residents. Yes, as a society, in modern times, people were becoming less concerned about their neighbours and more insular, but fifty odd years ago that certainly wasn’t the case. Even the most recent tragedy of Todd’s accident had pulled everyone together, including the police, and not only was Todd’s family being supported, but in the community there was a LOT of talk and speculation as to what had happened, even amongst the so call keep-your-private-life-private elderly sector of the local population. Why had Olga’s disappearance created such a, in Jayne’s mind at least, strange response from the community? She just knew that she had to find out what REALLY happened to the unfortunate girl, though she wasn’t sure where to start if the police hadn’t been called. She had access to the old editions of Humble Beginnings, but it didn’t sound like there would be much in them for information, if anything at all. She supposed she could poke around the Museum, but that was getting harder and harder now that it was open regular hours. Mrs. T was her best chance of getting any information, and if she didn’t know the details, Jayne wasn’t sure that interviewing anyone else would shed any new light on the subject, though maybe now that she did have some details, Mr. Simpson would open up if she asked him some questions? That said, there was no way Jayne was going to let this mystery rest, unsolved, if she could help it.
“I don’t remember hearing or seeing the Brunski name before...are there any still in the area?”
“Oh, no...Olga was an only child, and her parents died shortly after she disappeared...of a broken heart, we all suspected, though they were both shot and Ol’ Man Brunski could never abide having a gun on the premises...couldn’t even kill a gopher, he was so soft-hearted, which used to irk Jim’s dad to no end as Brunski was his hired hand on the MacDonald farm for years...Brunski would trap the gophers and then let them loose on the other side of town, which amused everyone to no end.”
“Shot?! Were the police called for that one?”
“The police were only involved because the local RCMP happened to drive by, his car windows down, and heard the shots. So tragic...first and only suicides in Humble...till young Todd, that is...so sad.”
Jayne’s mind was whirling. While Mrs. T wasn’t supplying many details, it sure didn’t sound like a simple case of a teen running away, completely empty-handed, and parents dying of a broken heart to her, though that could have been because she grew up seeing another side of human nature, but Jayne didn’t think so. Various scenarios flashed through her mind.
“Did anything else unusual happen around that same time?”
“Let me see...I don’t know about unusual...Oscar stayed home from the prom...he was the only one to miss it that year, except Olga, of course...it was a good harvest...bumper crops that year...the community ladies outdid themselves at the canning bee and pie-making bee...folks came from all over to the harvest fair that year...it was strange not to have Mrs. Brunski’s handiwork in the bench show...first year she didn't win and the poor judges had a hard time deciding on a new winner as no one else was up to her standards or talent...I might be wrong, but there might be some of her projects in the museum...she didn’t give many away, except for local weddings and baby showers...oh, I almost forgot...the Brunski house burnt down...struck by lightning they said...we had a wicked thunderstorm - thankfully no hail - a couple nights after the bodies were found.”
Jayne sighed. There went her idea of finding out where the family had lived and seeing if she could snoop around the house. Wait a minute…
“The house burnt down TWO nights later?? Doesn’t that seem really suspicious to you?”
“Not really...it was a terrible storm and it’s a wonder nothing else was hit...we all thought it rather fortunate that no one was in the house when the lightning struck.”
“Who said it was struck by lightning? Was the fire investigated at all?”
“The neighbours saw the flash...they called the fire department...even with the pounding rain, the fire was just too big...they couldn’t save the house...it burnt right to the ground...nothing could be salvaged...melted the sewing machine and the old oven to lumps...if it hadn’t been for the rain the whole town might have burnt to the ground, as it was, they almost lost the houses on each side too, but they were saved....”
Jayne just couldn’t buy this version of the story. It seemed to bizarre and coincidental to her. Girl disappears suddenly and with no trace, parents are shot, but it’s not deemed suspicious, and then two nights later their house burns to the ground leaving no trace of anything. If nothing else, it would make a great movie plot, but in a movie there would definitely be another underlying reason for all the events.
“Where was the house? Who were the neighbours?”
“On the street bordering MacDonald’s farm...first one as you turn off the highway...Gertie’s grandparents were still living in the house next door at the time...now there were two characters...always fighting in public but never saying a word to each other at home.”
“I can’t believe it…”
“Oh, it’s true...that house would be stone silent for days on end.”
“No, I can’t believe the story about Olga just walking away and all the rest of it. It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Everything in life doesn’t make sense, Child...you just have to accept it on faith, and be thankful for what you can. Well, I think I’ll turn in now. Are you sticking around, or going home with that handsome young fella standing in the back doorway?”
(December 1, 2017 )
December 15, 2017 )
Jayne looked up and saw Dan standing on Mrs. T’s back step. He didn’t move or say a word, he just waited, and she wondered how long he’d been standing there, certainly not long enough to have heard her comments about him. Jayne wasn’t really all that surprised to see him, because even if Dan hadn’t followed her, he probably would have ended up here anyway as everyone came to Mrs. T for advice and a listening ear, no matter what the issue or trouble, Mrs. T always seemed to know just what to say, or how to fix the situation.
“Remember, Child, just tell the truth and all will come out clean in the wash.” Mrs. T gathered up the glasses and headed for the house.
Mrs. T’s funny phrases notwithstanding, Jayne wondered how she could tell the truth when she didn't have a clue what the real truth was. One thing she did know, was that she was scared, really scared. But there was no way she could tell Dan that. Never let them see your fear was a motto she’d lived her whole life with, when dealing with humans and animals. Not knowing how Dan felt about her was way better than knowing and finding out he didn’t have any feelings for her. What if she did tell Dan how she felt about him and life fell apart? How would she manage? She’d have to leave Humble for sure, and that would break her heart. It seemed too risky to make a changes now, no matter how badly she wanted to.
“Hold out your hand…”
Jayne looked up at Dan as he stood in front of her. He didn’t seem to be angry, nor did he look like he was about to play a practical joke on her. She shyly extended her hand, palm up, opening her fingers. As she did so, Dan carefully placed a single wild strawberry blossom in the centre. With a trembling finger, she hoped Dan wouldn’t notice how nervous she was, Jayne very lightly traced the white petals.
“Do you know why I showed you the wild strawberries that first day?”
“To keep me from tearing Jr’s hair out, and to protect Sue’s bedroom from total destruction?” Jayne giggled as she remembered how wild and volatile she was back then.
“Well...Yeah, that was one reason...but it wasn’t the main one...”
Jayne looked up as Dan stopped talking, he seemed mesmerized by her finger as it traced the outline of the tiny flower. She almost hated to break the spell, but curiosity was getting the better of her, “So, what was the main reason?”
Dan blinked, “Because the blossoms remind me of you.”
Jayne’s jaw dropped, “They do?!” She could not see how the fragile flower in her hand resembled her in any form, nor how they would remind anyone of her!
“Yes...the wild strawberry looks small and delicate, but it is quite a hardy plant...it can grow and thrive in less than ideal conditions...it is resilient...it isn’t flashy like other flowers, but has a purity and dignity of its own...it does what it is designed to do and doesn’t worry about the other plants around it...and if it is treated with respect, it will yield its fruit for others to enjoy.”
“I get THAT, but I don’t see how that reminds you of ME?”
“You, too, look delicate, but you’re tough as nails…”
“I look delicate??? Since when???? Thanks a lot!”
“Don’t interrupt…” Jayne squeezed her lips tight as Dan continued, “You manage to thrive and bloom no matter where you end up, or what life throws at you...you are unbelievably resilient and don’t wilt at the first hint of trouble...you have a subtle beauty that goes much deeper than the surface...you are fiercely loyal to your friends and family, and you will stand up for those who need a champion…you have an incredibly deep loving heart and those you give your love to are richly blessed...”
Jayne was stunned. She’d never heard anyone describe HER that way before. It sounded like Dan was talking about Monique or Steph or Hannah, or anyone else, not her. Not the homeless waif who was abandoned by her parents and left to fend for herself in Humble and find a way to get the people to like and accept her. Wait! Did Dan just say she was beautiful? Or was he saying she wasn’t beautiful? Then she suddenly realized something, “YOU wrote the anonymous short story! And it’s about ME?...About my first day at school here?”
“Yes…”
Jayne didn’t know what to think. On the one hand it seemed like Dan was indicating that he had feelings for her, but on the other hand, it could just be wishful thinking on her part. Though he just said she reminded him of a strawberry blossom, yet he couldn’t really be describing her, could he? Also, he did kiss her, but only that one time, and he ran away after. Then again, he did show up at Mrs. T’s after she’d run away, but there was no guarantee he had been trying to find her, though, he wouldn't just carry around a strawberry blossom everywhere, would he? It was so confusing. Jayne almost wished that Mrs. T was still around as maybe she could untangle what was going on.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you write the story? Why now?”
“I actually wrote the story before we left school that day...had to hide it from Mr. Simpson...can you imagine what Prune Face would have done with it?...somehow Mark got his hands on it, but he was the only one to read it...I thought it was finally the right time to share it.”
“Prune Face’s real name is Oscar, did you know that?...Mark saw it?...But, why now?” Jayne was feeling more and more confused.
“You’ve been through a lot, particularly this past week, and I thought you could use some encouragement.”
By this time, they had been walking back to Main Street and Dan stopped and placed his hands on Jayne’s shoulders, looking her square in the eye, “You are NOT homeless any more, Jaynelle. You past contributed to who you are, but it isn’t who you ARE...you are not a label, you are a unique individual.”
Jayne had a hard time believing Dan. Not that she didn’t want to believe him, because she really did, but the reality was that they were too different and from such different backgrounds, no matter what Dan said. She wasn’t like the residents of Humble, with their almost fairytale lives. She was…
“Stop thinking so hard, I can see steam coming out of your ears.”
Jayne elbowed Dan, much more gently than the last elbowing. “Wise guy.”
“Oof!...I mean it, Jaynelle, look at how far you’ve come, and what you’ve managed to do with the Humble Beginnings, for instance. You are a very strong capable woman. Everyone knows that...why don’t you? Ol’ Prune Face’s name is Oscar? How did you find that out?”
“Mrs. T...and Mr. Hickson’s name is Rodney...he and Gertie have a ‘past’ and that’s why they go at each other.”
“A ‘past’...that sounds intriguing...and nice subject change, by the way...we were talking about you.”
“You started it, not me...and it’s not THAT kind of past!”
“Bummer, I was thinking it would be nice blackmail material when Gertie gets on her high horse.”
“Be nice! Besides, I’m the only one who can blackmail anyone in this community.”
“Very funny...And, Jaynelle...did you honestly think you could keep a secret from me?”
Jayne froze, “What do you mean?”
“I know what you’ve got cooked up at the hall, and exactly what you are planning Wednesday…”
( Jayne didn’t know what to think. Should she play dumb, or confess all? Dan didn’t seem to be upset, but maybe he was. After all, what she was planning would radically change a fixture of the Humble community life and a long-time community tradition, in the way that a natural disaster like an earthquake or volcano erupting changed lives. She knew how the residents resisted change, especially change that was brought about by an “outsider” and not one of their own, and especially change that they hadn’t asked for or expressed a desire for. Just look at the response of the residents that she did have helping her - every single one of them kept reminding her that the whole venture could backfire - and she was sure that, though they didn’t actually say so - secretly they all expected it to be a total failure, and that worried her more than anything. The last thing she needed was to fail in front of the entire community, not that the entire community would know (hopefully) that it was Jayne who failed as this was supposed to be an anonymous gesture, though how long it would remain anonymous after bombing was anyone’s guess. All the more reason that it couldn’t fail.
“...and I think that it is a wonderful gift to the community, and a clever way to honour Gertie’s contributions without leaving anyone else out,” Dan hugged Jayne, “I’ve always admired how thoughtful you always are, and how you know just the right thing to do to make others feel special.”
Jayne wasn’t sure about her ability to make others feel special, but right now, she felt pretty special herself following Dan’s words of praise. Sigh, it seemed he DID know everything, so there was no use hiding it any more, and since he didn’t seem upset that she hadn’t told him, Jayne had a hard time remembering why she had thought it so important to keep the details from him.
“Thank you...I really hope Gertie and the others feel the same way.”
“Once they get past trying to figure out which one of them did it, they’ll be thrilled. Now, the Mayor, on the other hand, might be a harder sell unless he finds some way to take all the credit, and you know he’ll claim credit rather than admit he didn't know anything about it. How did you ever come up with the idea?”
“Honestly, I got tired of their endless phone calls each week...a little Gertie goes a long way and I guess I finally reached my limit...having her tie up my phone line every day, or show up at the office, with her threats to have me run out of town if I didn’t kowtow to her got old a long, long time ago and I needed to find someway to stop her, or at least distract her. It’s taken me YEARS to come up with this plan. And Abner can take ALL the credit if it gets him off my back too. How did you find out what I was doing?”
“We didn’t want to spoil your secret, but Mrs. T called me to get the steamer trunks from her attic as she was worried about climbing that old ladder. Naturally, being Mrs. T, she explained why it was necessary that they had to be ‘fetched’ right that moment and couldn’t wait a day or two, then swore me to secrecy and bribed me with fresh chocolate chip cookies to ensure my silence.”
“Oh, I’d forgotten about the ladder.” One summer, Jayne had gone to Mrs. T’s to help her sort some of her late husband’s items as there were some suits and hats that Mrs. T had wanted to donate to the Museum for its opening. As part of the sorting process, Jayne had ended up poking into virtually every nook and cranny of Mrs. T’s old house from basement to the attic, with its old ladder that was literally held together with wire and duct tape, but Mrs. T wouldn’t even think of getting a new ladder, or even using a different one. Jayne had been fascinated by everything she saw and found as she had no personal experience with that kind of family history or family heirlooms. Even now, while her belongings numbered more than when she arrived at Humble as a teenager, they still would not have filled more than half a dozen boxes, and then most of them would be filled with books, if she ever moved.
“I helped her with the trunks, and airing everything out, so it would be ready for pick-up...sounds like you have quite the system in place.”
“Hopefully...we’ll know for sure by tomorrow night if it worked or is a total bust.”
“If you are running the show, it won’t be a bust...it has to be a success.”
“But…”
“Yes, I know you admire my butt.”
“Oh, you!” Jayne gave him a push and hoped that her face wasn’t as fiery red as it felt.
“So...how did you manage to keep Gertie occupied? I didn’t see her bustling around town today.”
“Mr. Hickson...Rodney...was taking her out of town for a couple of days.”
“Mr. Hickson is voluntarily spending time with Gertie?! You are a miracle worker!”
“Only if they are still alive by noon , Wednesday...and there is NO guarantee on that.”
“Mr. Hickson and Gertie...hmmmmm…matchmaking?”
“NO!...I just knew that with their differences, he was someone Gertie couldn’t steamroll over...I’ll be lucky if he is still speaking to me by the time this is all over.”
“Well, he’s certainly a different sort from her husband.”
“What was he like?” Jayne glanced around her. They had arrived at the park so she sat down on one of the benches and Dan sat down beside her.
“I don’t really remember much about him as he disappeared when we were in Grade 6, or maybe Grade 5...he was afraid of his own shadow...when people talked to him, even us kids, he’d visibly curl up and make himself smaller...I’m sure living with Gertie didn't help…”
“Disappeared? I thought he died.”
“No one knows...one day he was around, and the next he wasn’t.”
“That’s so strange...first Olga disappears and now Gertie’s husband...were the RCMP called?”
“I don’t think so...no one used to call the police...I think that’s one reason why Mark became a cop - besides his strong sense of right and wrong, he knew that crimes needed punished and people needed answers, or at least reassurance, that they were safe. Who’s Olga?”
“Olga Brunski...Mrs. T told me about her...she was Ol’ Prune Face’s girlfriend, but she ran away the day of their school prom and then her house burnt to the ground two days later...that’s why he’s such a grouch.”
“If she ran away, why did you say she disappeared?”
“Because it is too much of a coincidence, and the story didn’t make sense as she didn’t act like a typical runaway. That is so weird...two people completely disappear into thin air and no one bothers to find out why...I know how curious folks are around here...why not about that?”
Dan shrugged, “Different times? Different ways of coping?”
“What did Gertie do? After he disappeared, I mean.”
“Exactly what she always did...in fact, it was like she didn’t even notice.”
“That is still so weird. Normal people don’t just disappear.”
“Humble normal?”
Jayne elbowed Dan’s side, “Be serious. I want to find out what really happened to Olga, but it seems there are just deadends. No RCMP reports...the house and her family are gone...nothing in the newspaper archives, though I could look again...and it seems asking anyone would be pointless as they all accepted the runaway story...I suppose I could try an internet search of her name and see what I find…”
“I wonder if mom and dad know anything? The name isn’t familiar at all so she isn’t part of the community legends.”
(January 5, 2018 )
January 19, 2018 )
February 2, 2018 )
February 16, 2018 )
~~~~~~~~
Tuesday evening, as Jayne watched the crew clean up and put the finishing touches on the back room of the community hall, and its new contents, her mind roamed back over the previous hours.
When she and Dan had returned to Monique’s apartment, the family, with the exception of Jim Jr., were preparing to head home. Vera felt it would be better for Jayne to join them as she’d be safer at the farm, so Jayne went along as she didn’t really have the energy or will to argue or fight anymore. Dan mentioned Olga to the others, but neither Vera nor Jim really remembered Olga at all as they were a few years younger than she had been, though they did remember the fire, and any information they did remember was just the stories that everyone else knew, and that Mrs. T had shared with Jayne.
As it was such a lovely evening, they all ended up lounging on the porch in companionable silence with glasses of ice tea as dusk gently settled in like a blanket covering the earth. No one seemed in the mood to talk, which for the MacDonald family was a rare event, and Jayne felt no need to break the silence either.
Mrs. T’s words buzzed around her brain as she thought about what she would tell Dan, if she ever got up the nerve to tell him how she felt, though, she really thought it would be more appropriate for him to make the first move, not her, but did the kiss, and writing the short story, count as the first move or not, or was it the first and second move, and did buying fritters for her count as a “move” or a brotherly gesture, and he did show up at Mrs. T’s, but that could have been a coincidence and not because he followed her, but if he did follow her, was that a “move” too, and if they were moves did that mean it WAS her turn to make a move, and what kind of move should she make, or did it just mean that it was her turn to tell how she felt, but even if those did count as moves on Dan’s part, he hadn’t verbalized how he felt about her, IF he felt anything about her besides brotherly feelings, so that meant that it was still HIS turn to go first, and WHY were relationships so complicated?
When she wasn’t worrying herself silly about Dan, who slouched on the other side of the porch, looking like he didn’t have a single care or a worry in the world, she was thinking about Olga and the events of her tragic story, and how they possibly could connect with the disappearance of Gertie’s husband.
After the increase in bug activity finally drove everyone inside and to their beds, Jayne’s mind was still whirling so when morning arrived, which always seemed so much earlier on the farm than it ever did in town, she felt that she had barely had a chance to close her eyes, let alone get any sleep.
Jayne tried to give Steph the day off, but was unsuccessful. They put together the upcoming Canada Day ad and then, only after proving that the morning was super quiet, thanks to Gertie thankfully being otherwise occupied and unable to phone every five to fifteen minutes, was Jayne able to convince Steph to leave the office to check on Monique, who they saw had opened the library with Vera’s help. While Steph was across the street, Jayne was able to finish the front page without revealing the secret, and the newspaper file was submitted to the printer without Steph’s last-minute perusal.
After a late lunch at the hotel, the two girls spent the rest of the afternoon, which also was quiet thanks to Gertie’s absence from Humble, searching online for any tidbit on Olga Brunski, and brainstorming other avenues to search. No matter what they tried, they quickly reached dead end after dead end. Jayne even tried searching for information on Gertie’s missing husband, but didn’t get far on that trail either. Now more than ever, she was determined to find out what had happened.
When Steph left for the day, and she had the office straighten up, as much as it ever seemed to get straightened up, and locked, she remembered that all of Bob’s old notebooks were still in the building. Jayne planned to give them to the Museum, but she wanted to read through them first, assuming she could decipher Bob’s version of shorthand, and as she never seemed to have time to get to them, they were still in boxes on the very top shelf of the supply closet. Jayne had looked at her mismatched collection of chairs and decided that it would be too dangerous to climb on anything with casters, especially for someone as accident prone as she was of late, and not for the first time, she wished she was six foot tall, to no avail. After a fruitless search around the office, her apartment area, and even in the bathroom, she realized that the step stool that she distinctly remembered “borrowing” from the farm must have mysteriously found its way back to the farm. She knew she could have called Jim Jr. for help as she’d seen him head into the library before closing, but she didn’t want to come across as helpless. Really, she was only height-challenged, not incapacitated. She had even tried knocking one of the boxes off the shelf with the handle of the broom, but had no luck as they were jammed in tight.
“Are those for us, or just for show?”
Jayne jolted back to the present moment. It took her a second to figure out what the two teenagers were talking about, but then the warmth of the bottom pizza box registered on her hands.
“Yes, and you have to share with all the guys,” Jayne handed over the stack of a dozen pizzas that miraculously she had managed to smuggle out of Mrs. Shultz’s restaurant and into the hall without, as far as she knew, anyone seeing her, and, more importantly, without her dropping them all over the place.
“Awwwww, no fair…”
“Hi, Jayne, thanks for the pizza...though I’d rather bite into yo….”
“Careful, Little Mickey, remember what happened the last time Danny Boy and I wiped the floor with you?” Tommy gave Mike a firm push so he stumbled past Jayne.
“So...what did happened the last time you two wiped the floor with Mike?”
Tommy laughed, “We wiped the floor with him...and he had to explain to his mom, five minutes before school pictures, why there was blood all over his brand new white shirt.”
“I can see where that would be memorable enough to be a threat...what grade were you in?”
“Danny Boy was in grade 5, Mikey and I were in grade 4...What do you think, Boss?...Did we do good, or did we do good?”
“You did amazing!” The complete transformation of the room had turned out even better than she had imagined it, and she couldn’t wait for the big unveiling. “Wait...where did that skylight come from? We didn’t have a permit for that…”
“Calm down...it was anonymously donated, and I have all the signed paperwork - permissions, permits, approvals - so we’re fine.”
“Anonymously?...Tommy???”
“Nope, my lips are sealed, and I KNOW you don’t have anything to threaten ME with, so there,” Tommy draped his arm around her shoulders, turned Jayne around, and lead her to one of the tables that was set up in the main room of the hall for the next day’s activities, and currently was the scene of a rousing pizza party, “Relax, have some pizza with us, and celebrate the successful completion of the project…ahead of schedule, I might add, thanks to my supervision. Hey, Studly, any soda left? Jayne needs one.” Tommy caught the flying can with one hand and handed it to Jayne before gallantly pulling out a chair for her.
( Jayne weakly dropped into the chair. She felt as off kilter and shook up as the can of pop in her hand. It was one thing to plan and execute her own little secret surprise, but it was quite another to have the rug pulled out from under her by an even BIGGER anonymous surprise that could land her, and all her helpers by association, in real deep hot water. Jayne wasn’t reassured by Tommy’s blasé attitude. Didn’t he realize that everything could come figuratively crashing down on all of them. Did installing an illegal skylight count as minor vandalism or was it destruction of public property? Was the penalty just a fine, community service, or jail time? For heavens sake, she was supposed to report the news NOT be the news! Jayne realized she was starting to crush the can, so quickly put it down on the table before she had an even bigger mess on her hands.
“But, Tommy...a SKYLIGHT?? We weren’t approved for any changes to the structure of the building, only surface changes...you know, like paint...Skylights need approval and inspections, and what if someone saw you guys installing it and complained, or…”
“Relax,” Tommy shoved the end of a warm piece of pizza into Jayne’s mouth and she had to bite and chew or choke. “I told you it’s all under control. We have the permits and approval all signed, sealed and delivered as I guess that was all in place and just waiting for your shipment to arrive...we found the skylight on site as we cleared out the room...no, I don’t know who got it or authorized it, but it was definitely for this project as the paperwork with it said so…and, Mike called in some favours and it has been inspected...no surprise, it passed, thanks to our superior skills...plus, if YOU didn’t know we installed it before you walked in - and you were basically across the street all day with your door wide open - then I doubt anyone saw or heard us. Relax...your secret is safe for a few more hours. Now chill...EAT...nothing is going to go wrong.” With that Tommy bit off half a piece of pizza and, with his other hand, reached into the nearest box for another slice.
Jayne sat quietly as the conversation and jokes swirled around her. Could it really be okay? Was this really going to happen? Realistically she knew there was still a chance it could all backfire, but that seemed slimmer and slimmer of a possibility now that the work crew had everything in place, and all that remained to do was clean up after their meal. The room looked great, and she had to admit, albeit reluctantly as she was still worried, that the skylight was the perfect finishing touch. The hall was set up and the guys had even put centrepieces on the tables and decorations around the room. Everything was as ready as it could be for the big unveiling.
“Hey, Jayne...earth calling Jayne,” she started and returned her awareness to the teen beside her.
“Hmm?”
“We all think what you’re doing is pretty rad and all, but why all the secrecy? Why not just let everyone know you’re doing it, and then you’d get some credit. This way no one knows except us...and we can’t even tell.”
“I’m not doing it for credit.”
“It doesn’t seem fair that you have given so much to Humble and no one knows it’s you. WE know you replaced all the picnic tables at the school a few years ago…”
“The anniversary planters on Main Street was all her idea…”
“And she supplied the benches for that new garden thing by the hall that just officially opened…”
“Don’t forget when we upgraded the kitchen ovens here - that was Jayne’s doing…”
“The stain glass windows for the church anniversary were her project…”
“The fancy signage for the Museum came from Jayne…”
“And those funny costumes for the Christmas carolling group…”
“She was behind refinishing the school gym floor last year…”
“The new uniforms for the school sports and band programs came from Jayne too…”
“Wait! That was you? Those were the best!”
“Didn’t you also pay for the installation of the new community tourism highway signs a few years back?”
Jayne nodded as the comments flew from around the group. Since she had started the anonymous charity group, with Jim’s guidance at the start, with some of the money Bob had left her, when he left her the newspaper, she had relied on basically the same group of guys to help with the larger jobs, as well as Mrs. T, Mrs. Schulz, the gals at the Village Office, and the Smythes. A handful of teens came and went through the years, and Tommy was the newest addition, the only MacDonald other than Jim to be involved. So far, with the exception of those directly helping, no one in Humble knew it was Jayne behind the various projects. So, how had Dan found out about this one?
“Okay, so you don’t want credit...can’t say I get that, as I’d sure want people to know if I was doing something that grand...but, that still doesn’t explain WHY you do it.”
“Because Humble is my home...my first REAL home...and I want to give back something to thank everyone for letting me stay here.”
“Letting you stay...heck, you couldn’t leave if you tried!”
“People would drag you back, if you dared leave.”
“Yeah, okay so it’s your home...well, it’s my home too and I still don’t see why you couldn’t let people know you’re behind all these improvements...can’t you say thank you more publicly?”
“I suppose I could, but I don’t want to be accepted just for what I do...I want to be accepted for who I am.” Jayne knew what she meant, but she wasn’t sure she was explaining it very well as some of the guys were looking at her blankly.
“Uh, Jayne, you do realize you are one of the favourite people here in Humble, right?”
“Good grief, EVERYONE likes you...and not just because of the paper...you are so thoughtful and helpful.”
“Folks are always looking for an excuse to stop in the newspaper office and say hi.”
“You take time for people...you aren’t always rushing by.”
“You’re easy to talk to...there aren’t too many older women we teens want to actually hang with and chat.”
Jayne laughed as she leaned over to bump shoulders with the teen beside her. “Gee, thanks for the compliment…I’m not THAT old!”
“Compared to Mrs. T, I guess not...or even Gertie...but compared to us you are.”
“Why do you think we’re so eager to help with these projects, even on pain of death if we talk?”
“Because I used blatant bribery and copious amounts of food to get you to agree?”
“That certainly helped, but no, that’s not why...because we all like you...a LOT!”
Tommy handed Jayne a pizza box, “I hate to say ’I told you so’ but...I told you so...people DO like you - more than you know...you can stop hiding...AND you can start tomorrow by taking credit for all this.”
Jayne bit her lip, “But what about Gertie? What if she doesn’t like this? We have a SKYLIGHT in the ceiling!”
“Who in their right mind wouldn't like this...especially when it was done just for them?”
“It’s freakin’ amazing!”
“It’s going to put little ol’ Humble on the map for sure!”
“You’ve never let Gertie run over you before, why start now?”
(~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jayne took a deep breath, and tried her best to appear calm, though she sincerely doubted she was really fooling anyone. In fact, she doubted she would ever relax again, she was so tense and keyed up.
Jayne didn’t know how she had survived the morning’s weekly tea gathering, and the subsequent drama and excitement, and the day’s main event hadn’t even happened yet! Thankfully, all had gone well the previous evening, and the crew had it all in readiness for the big reveal, which was now mere moments away.
The morning started when Vera had arrived with Steph and Sue, and even Monique, looking recovered, yet still slightly fragile, had walked over. As usual, Mrs. T was her cheerful self, of course, acting like it was just a typical Wednesday, with nothing more momentous on the horizon than a brand new issue of the newspaper on newsstands to delight and entertain the readership, though there was still a chance this edition could, just perhaps, result in Jayne being run out of town.
Mrs. Smythers had walked in, with a tray of fresh apple fritters, and to everyone’s surprise, had stayed, for the first time ever, drinking her tea, from a mismatched cup and saucer set, with such grace as if she was partaking tea with the Queen of England herself!
Another newbie to the tea gathering was Hannah, without a single child in tow, and she seemed very relaxed, almost like a completely different person, with her mother out of town, but that may have just been Jayne’s imagination. Could a person really change THAT much after a mere 24 hours or so? Or did Hannah seem so relaxed because Jayne was so tense?
While she’d never darken the newspaper office door during a tea gathering before, Jayne really wasn’t shocked at all to see Hilda waltz in as if she owned the place. Try as she might, and Hilda certainly was not one to give up easily, she could not find out any more information about the day’s shocking front page announcement than anyone else in the room, who wasn’t already in the loop, despite seriously nagging Jayne because as the editor who had put the announcement in the paper, and on the FRONT page no less, Jayne HAD to know SOMETHING, but when Jayne “confessed” that it had been slid in the door slot without identification, among some other coming event posters, so Jayne didn’t know where it came from, Hilda had finally left in a huff to see what she could find out elsewhere. Jayne admired how Mrs. T was able to remain so calm and unflappable as Jayne was having trouble reminding herself to not scream.
At least they didn’t have Gertie to deal with on top of everything else. That would definitely have sent Jayne over the edge, and she made a mental note to have Smythers get Mr. Hickson a couple bottles of his favourite rum as an extra special thank you.
Instead of the usual half-hour-ish gratitude-sharing format, though Mrs. T did go through the formalities of making it appear to be just a regular gathering, the get-together had taken on a life of its own, and no one, with the exception of Hilda, seemed in any hurry to leave.
Because Hannah was in attendance, the other quilting bee club members popped in at various times, just to find out what was going on, followed by various other members of the community.
Mike had arrived, and Jayne was sure he’d let something slip, but Tommy, Dan, and Jim Sr. walked into the office just behind him and were managing to keep him in line.
Even Siegfried and Roy had abandoned their usual post in front of the hotel to commander chairs just inside the newspaper office door, to better monitor the various comings and goings, to the amazement of all who noticed them. Jayne knew she should have a picture of this life-altering moment, but never managed to get her hands on her camera.
Sue, who it turned out had the day off, was kept busy boiling water for tea, which they ended up serving in disposable cups that someone found in the back of Jayne’s storage closet, from an anniversary celebration or something a few years past. Mrs. Smythers had quickly gotten another tray of fritters, each of which she cut in half so that everyone could have some.
The phone had started ringing pretty much as soon as the first copy had been picked up, Jayne was sure, and hadn’t really stopped, as resident after resident wanted to know what was going on. One consolation, and a big gratitude item high on Jayne’s list, if she could find her missing gratitude journal to write it in, was that she only had one phone line, as she’s sure things would be even more insane with a multi-line.
As it was, both her and Steph were kept busy with the continuous phone calls, and manoeuvring around the large number of people crammed into the office. As there weren’t many chairs, and every one Jayne owned was in use, as well as people sitting on the two tables that were Jayne and Steph’s desks, most people were just standing around. Had she not been so worried, Jayne may have enjoyed the impromptu party-like atmosphere.
At least the morning passed quickly, and Jayne didn’t have much of a chance to watch the clock or dread the passing minutes. As all the arrangements were in place, there was nothing to do except wait for the unlocking of the community hall doors at noon.
Jayne also knew, at some point, though perhaps long after this day was over, she would appreciate the response to the front page announcement, and how it had got the community’s attention, and had momentarily boosted the popularity of the newspaper, but for right now, she just needed to get through the rest of the day.
And now the big moment was almost upon them. Everyone, including Jayne, was at the hall. Mrs. Schulz outdid herself with the food, and had even put together a very attractive display with the sandwiches that looked like an old-fashioned quilt, and the glasses of juice were also arranged in a colourful quilt-like formation.
“Okay, why are we here, and what is going on? Who’s in charge. I want to talk to them right now and get to the bottom of this!”
Mrs. T placed a hand on the Mayor’s arm, and if Jayne wasn’t mistaken, gave it a good hard squeeze. “Patience, young man, just have patience.”
Steph leaned over and whispered to Jayne, “Can you believe this? How is it possible that something like this was planned and no one knew about it?”
Jayne shrugged as she tried to ignore the cold sweat rolling down her back. As the seconds ticked by she realized that Gertie still wasn’t present, and there was no way they could start without her. She scanned the crowd again, to no avail. She debated standing by the main doors, but knew that would look a little suspicious since the activity was to be around the beribboned door to the storage room, which had most people’s attention and speculation.
“Look!”
Steph’s whispered gasp brought Jayne’s attention to the main doors where Mr. Hickson stood with...was that Gertie!? The woman on his arm bore no resemblance to the woman who had left town with him hours before.
Gertie was well-known, and instantly recognized from any distance, for her navy running shoes and matching navy jogging suits with her carroty-red hair (which had more than a hint of grey showing in it now) in a messy bun.
This woman, entering the hall, was dressed in a very stylish crepe summer pantsuit in a lovely shade of emerald green, with matching pumps, and her auburn hair was in an elegant French twist. All in all, she looked amazing!
“Matchmaker…” Dan whispered in Jayne’s other ear.
( Jayne shook her head, “Don’t look at me...I didn’t do anything.”
“Are you sure? That,” Dan gestured toward the couple, “whatever it is exactly, and it looks like a miracle from where I’m standing, didn’t just happen by itself after all these years.”
“But...but...I…”
“They actually are getting along...and they look suspiciously like a dating couple to me…”
“I wouldn’t go that far…”
“Have you ever...I mean EVER...seen Gertie look THAT happy?”
“No, but…” Jayne protested, somewhat weakly, though it looked like she HAD in fact been the cause of something drastic happening to the tried and true in Humble, something that looked like it would overshadow the big reveal, and create ripples beyond anything that Jayne could ever have imagined. The only consolation was that at that moment everyone’s attention was solely on Gertie, and Jayne felt safe knowing that no one was watching her.
Dan gave her a one-armed hug, “Buck up, Kiddo...at least Gertie’s in a good mood so half the battle has been won right there. Nothing you do now can upset her...Short Stuff, close your mouth and put that camera in your hand to use...Trust me, this is something we want recorded for all posterity.”
“But…” Jayne leaned against Dan. Her world had tilted off its axis and now she didn’t know which way was up. What HAD she done? Would this get her run out of town, or not? Was life as they all knew it about to irrevocably change forever?
The rest of the audience’s reactions were mixed. Some were completely speechless. Some were whispering to the person beside them. All seemed unable to take their eyes off the couple, who were still standing just inside the door, beaming like they’d won the lottery, and giggling like mischievous kids.
“Come in, Rodney and Gertie...we have a spot reserved right here just for you.” Trust Mrs. T to save the day. Jayne let out a sigh, all she had to do was hold on for a few more minutes, and then she could go home and cry her eyes out, or eat an entire tub of ice cream, or crawl into bed and never, ever, come out again, or all the above. Why, oh why, did she do this to herself? Doing things for the community was gratifying, but incredibly nerve-wracking too.
“Now that we’re all here, I’d like to welcome you all.”
The Mayor interrupted Mrs. T, “Now, just hold on one minute. I DEMAND to know what is going on. Why are YOU welcoming everyone. I’m the Mayor here.”
“Yes, dear, you are, but you’re not the one in charge now, are you?”
Laughter rang out as the Mayor blustered a bit before he sat down.
Mrs. T continued, “Today we’re here for a very special occasion, but before I share with you what that occasion is, I’d like to invite you all to join me in singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a special birthday girl...Gertie.”
“I wonder how old she really is?” Steph whispered in Jayne’s ear.
“I’ll look it up and get back to you on that.”
“Wow! You really do know everyone’s secrets!”
“Shhhhhh,” Vera shot a scolding look at the two girls who just grinned back at her as they joined in the serenade.
Jayne tried to keep her mind on what was happening on, and more importantly, on not accidentally letting something slip out that would draw any attention to herself and thereby let anyone know that she was responsible for the whole event. Thankfully she was able to avoid making eye contact with any of the guys who had done the work, though Tommy had been poking her side and tapping her, until Dan traded places with him, while they had waited for Gertie and Mr. Hickson to arrive.
“Now, as you know, Gertie has been a valuable member of our community for many years, and has contributed in countless ways...”
Jayne was glad Mrs. T was the one giving the speech as she was sure she would have been unable to talk at all if it had been her up at the front. How was everyone able to remain so calm? She tried not to lean too heavily against Dan, but he was the only thing keeping her upright and preventing her from falling into a heap on the floor.
“...for years, Gertie has been the President of the Humble Quilting Club, and hosted many a quilting bee in her home. Those bees have resulted in numerous quilts that have been gifted, donated, and raffled off for the betterment of our community and its residents. Now, thanks to a very special anonymous donation to the community of Humble, and in particular, to the Humble Quilting Club, I would like to invite Gertie, as the current president, to please open the door with the big red ribbon bow on it…”
Some of the teens made drumming sounds on the tables as Gertie, appearing unusually regal and poised, stood up. Jayne nudged Steph to move closer so she could get a better shot. Jayne had taken pictures of the room the night before so all they needed was the “initial reaction” photos.
“Gertie...Gertie...Gertie…” the audience started chanting softly as Gertie walked to the door of the back storage room. She turned to smile at everyone before opening the door.
“OH MY!??!”
That was the signal all were waiting for as the rest of the club members, followed by almost everyone else, crowded behind Gertie as they tried to see in the room.
“New quilting frames AND sewing machines!”
“Who was the donation from?”
“Look at the beautiful quilts on the walls!”
“A skylight! There’s an honest-to-goodness skylight!”
“Our very own space at last!”
“Who did all the work?”
“WHEN did they do this?”
“I wish we knew who to thank for all of this…”
“Who thought of this?”
“Look at all the supplies!”
“Cupboard space!”
“Who’d have thought this room was so big?!”
Dan gave Jayne another squeeze, “You can relax now...they love it.”
Jayne hugged Dan back in relief. Everything was going to be all right. She suddenly felt her legs give way and Dan lowered her into a nearby chair. They watched everyone trying to squeeze into the back room to see for themselves the amazing transformation, as the quilting gals touched the equipment in disbelief.
Once everyone had a chance to view the room, and had returned to their seats, Mrs. T gestured to Gertie to come up and speak.
“I...I’m stunned...this is unbelievable. Whoever did all this, if you are in this room right now, I thank you, and all the club members thank you. This means so much to us, and to everyone who has ever been and ever will be a recipient of one of our club quilts...I just don’t know what to say, other than thank you.”
The room erupted in applause as Gertie walked back to her chair. Jayne didn’t know if anyone else noticed that Mr. Hickson had squeezed Gertie’s hand. There was definitely more going on there than met the eye.
At that moment, Mrs. Schulz appeared with a birthday cake, decorated, of course, to look like an old-fashioned quilt, for Gertie to cut and serve.
Gertie took the knife and stood up, while Mr. Hickson also stood up and clinked his glass to get some silence.
“Before we go any further, I also have a special announcement, which will add to our festivities...yesterday Gertie and I got married in Vegas…”(March 2, 2018)
There was the barest moment of shocked silence before pandemonium erupted in the building as everyone cheered. Well, everyone except Jayne who was simply too stunned to move, or make a sound.
MARRIED?! Mr. Hickson and Gertie?! THAT wasn’t part of the deal. What about Mr. Hickson referring to Gertie as the Harpy? What about their history of avoiding each other? For DECADES! VEGAS!?!? When did they go to Vegas?! WHY did he take Gertie to Vegas?!
Jayne couldn’t believe it, though she also couldn’t deny that the two looked incredibly happy and so “together.” And, Gertie’s transformation was incredible. She looked younger, like she didn’t have a care in the world. Jayne knew she should feel happy for the couple, and once things calmed down she knew she would, but honestly, right at this moment, all she could feel was shock at what had happened, and wonder if it was all because of her. It was possible, wasn’t it, that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Hickson and Gertie had planned this and just took advantage of the timing of Jayne’s event...but, Gertie had been genuinely surprised by the quilt room, which means Mr. Hickson didn’t spill the beans on that one.
Someone sat down at the piano and started playing the “Wedding March” as someone else started clinking their glass, to which, of course others quickly joined in. Mrs. T beamed at the happy couple, who kissed, as the Mayor tried, very unsuccessfully, to get everyone’s attention away from Rodney and Gertie and onto himself. Hannah burst into tears, and then assured everyone they were happy tears. Steph managed to wade in and take pictures as the couple, jointly holding the knife now, ceremoniously “cut the cake” before various members of the community came up to congratulate them, including Mr. Simpson, who actually was wearing a smile! Within minutes Mr. Smythe arrived with bottles of champagne and sparkling juices to toast the newlyweds.
Though Dan had whisked Jayne into the kitchen, partly to give her something to do as he handed her some sandwiches to put on a tray, and partly to keep her from saying anything she shouldn’t, Monique had realized something was up and had followed them, and because she had gotten up, Jim Jr. followed her to find out what was going on. Jayne refused to say anything as there were too many people around who could listen in but she promised Monique she’d share later.
All in all, the event ended up even more festive, and memorable, than Jayne had imagined. While most of the business owners had to return to work after the lunch break, many residents remained at the hall to continue the celebration. Mr. and MRS. Hickson were like giddy school kids as they accepted the community’s well wishes, well into the afternoon.
Finally, things wrapped up when the remaining celebrants decided to take Mrs. T and the newlyweds to Mrs. Schulz’s restaurant for a celebration supper. Tommy and a few members of his “crew” sent Jayne and Monique home, promising to have the hall in tip top shape before they left. Jim Jr. and Dan said they’d be along with some supper to share with the girls, so Monique and Jayne returned to Monique’s, settling down on the bottom steps to relax as Jayne finally told Monique all the details.
“It isn’t that funny.”
“Oh...oh...if you had only seen your face...it was…it really was...” Monique couldn’t finish her sentence as she was laughing so hard.
“What have I done??” Jayne looked down at her fingers, which she was twisting into knots.
“What you’ve done is accomplish the biggest miracle Humble has ever seen.” Jim Jr. walked up and handed each girl a brown paper bag from the restaurant. “Mrs. Schulz said it’s on the house. She’s never in her life seen Gertie blush like that, not even at her first wedding, according to Mrs. Schulz.”
“Come on, Jaynelle, it isn’t the end of the world...in fact, it is the beginning of a brand new one.” Dan handed over the drinks before settling down on the grass beside Jim Jr. with his own meal.
“It’s a good thing that Hilda didn’t see your face or she’d have known for sure that it was all your doing.”
Jayne sighed, “Bad enough that she was on my case all morning trying to figure out what the big ‘reveal’ was all about.”
“By the way, I want to congratulate you on that...I can’t believe you kept that a secret from all of us...and a skylight!?...Wow!” Monique gave Jayne a quick one-armed hug.
“I can’t take credit for the skylight as I didn’t know about it till Tommy and the guys had installed it...I hope the quilt club really does like the room and enjoys using it.”
“Like it? Some of them told their husbands that they plan to move into the room and live there...and arranging to have a separate entrance was genius.”
“Really, Jayne, that was an amazing thing you did for them...and for Gertie and Mr. Hickson...who’d have thought that they’d ever get together...they always fought like cats and dogs.” Jim Jr. said.
“Ah! Don’t remind me…” Jayne hid her head in her hands.
“Come on, it isn’t the end of the world...as Danny Boy said, it is the start of a brand new era here in Humble.”
“Who knows what will happen next...Hey, do you have someone for Ol’ Prune Face? Now THAT would be a miracle if he ever settled down.” Dan chuckled at the thought.
“You could hang out your shingle as a matchmaker for the over 60 crowd...heaven knows there are enough single seniors in Humble to keep you occupied for...oh, a year or two for sure.” Monique suggested.
“Hey, that could be your business name...Single Seniors…”
“How about…The Humble Matchmaker?”
“I know...I (Humbly) Do…”
“Or...Humble Love Nest?”
“That sounds more like a real estate name.”
“Second Act Love?...Or, Saving the Best Love for Last?”
“That sounds like a sappy love movie.” Jim Jr. pretended to gag.
“Fine...can you come up with something better?”
“Humble Love?”
Jayne tried not to groan at their teasing suggestions. The LAST thing she was going to do was become a professional matchmaker.
“I got it...The Humble Love Connection?”
“Very funny...NOT!” Jayne shuddered.
There was a short lull in the conversation as they concentrated on eating. Then Jim Jr. said, “What I really want to know is what is going to happen now that Gertie isn’t...well...you know, Gertie, anymore...does that mean Hilda will be taking over?”
“Oh gosh, I hope not! Can you imagine the havoc she’s wreak on every board and organizational event? The last thing I need is her trying to run the library.”
“Truly, she’s worse than Gertie...Gertie was just a steamroller...Hilda’s more of a troublemaker...she delights in stirring things up and creating chaos...and if she can get people to fight with each other, the happier she is.”
“I never understood what makes folks like that tick.”
“What? You don’t have busybodies back in the big ol’ city?”
“Yes, we do...but they aren’t as destructive...maybe having a larger population keeps them in check?”
“I say, that woman needs a hobby besides snooping in everyone’s business around town.”
“She does...but what?”
(March 16, 2018)
They all paused to eat, and think about how best to head off the potential “Hilda Problem.”
“Is this a private party, or can anyone join?”
Jayne, and the others, looked up to see Mark standing beside them, with his own bag from the restaurant.
“Pull up some grass, and make yourself comfy.”
“Where’s the uniform?...I thought you never took it off?”
“Does the Sarg know you’re on the lam?”
“I didn’t even know the uniform could come off...I thought once you put it on, it was on for life…”
“Are you a fugitive? Are we going to get arrested for harbouring a fugitive?”
“I didn’t know you still owned normal clothing...or did you just buy it for today to impress us?”
“I know...he’s working under cover...that’s right, right?...Come on, I’m right, right?
Mark settled down between Jim Jr. and Dan, he took a large bite of his burger before addressing their comments.
“Very funny, guys, very funny...no, I’m finally on holidays for a WHOLE week...so, Jayne, please, whatever you do, don’t get into trouble, please, I REALLY need this holiday.”
Jayne tossed her crumbled bag at Mark, who caught it one-handed and tossed it back. “I don’t know why you’re picking on me, I’m a quiet, modest, law-abiding citizen. I NEVER get into trouble with the law.”
“Then why have the members, and myself, been spending so much of our time here in Humble the past week or so?”
“You like spending time with us??” Jayne tried to maintain an innocent look, but couldn’t stop giggling, which then set Monique into a fit of giggles too.
“How’d the big surprise go?...Were the gals surprised?...I planned to do a patrol through town at that time, and pop in to see how it was going, but was tied up with a speeder on the highway.”
Dan and Jim Jr. filled Mark in on what he missed, confusing the him till Monique clarified the story.
“Pretty much the whole town attended...Mrs. Schulz did the food...Mr. Hickson walked in the door with a gorgeous Gertie - she’d had a complete head-to-toe makeover and looked stunning, for her age...the Mayor tried to take over, but Mrs. T put him in his place…”
“That would have been a sight to see. I love watching her go toe-to-toe with him, and then bring him down a peg or two.”
Monique continued, “...the big reveal was impressive - there is even a skylight in the new room for the quilt club…”
“A skylight?...Wow! Humble’s sure moving up in the world…”
Monique glared at Mark for interrupting, and waited till he had another large bite of burger filling his mouth before she continued the story, “Gertie was serenaded with ‘Happy Birthday’ and she could barely give a speech she was so overcome with the room and the community response - leave it to Jayne to be the one to finally render Gertie speechless, and then she won’t even get or take credit for the feat...but the rest of us were speechless with shock when Mr. Hickson revealed that he and Gertie were married in Vegas yesterday.”
Jim Jr. started pounding Mark on the back as poor Mark was choking, finally he managed to stop, and with eyes watering like he was shedding buckets of tears, he managed to say, “Married? They got married? Hickson and Gerie? Cat and Dog?”
“Yes, and they even had their marriage certificate, signed AND framed, to prove it...wait a minute, how did YOU know about my surprise?”
“Who do you think kept everyone, especially Hannah and the old witch Hilda away from the Hall the past couple of days? I told you I really needed this holiday.”
“Speaking of the witch in question, before you showed up we were expressing concern that she might take over now that Gertie’s going to be otherwise occupied...any ideas on how to keep her meddling in check?”
Monique brought the topic of conversation back to where they’d started, “We think Jayne should open a matchmaking business - we’ve been trying to come up with the perfect business name - and she can have Hilda help her by arranging the weddings and receptions.”
Dan scooted a little closer to Jayne, “I think Jayne could handle planning the events herself...look how she managed to pull together a reception - in secret even - for a few hundred people in less than 3 days.”
Jayne directed a thank you smile at Dan before turning to the others, “Okay, enough, I am not going to be doing any more matchmaking, and I will NOT be hiring Hilda to help me with anything...got it!”
“What about Mr. Simpson?...Now that Gertie and Mr. Hickson are married - hmmm, I wonder which house they’ll live in cause Mr. Hickson’s is not show house quality or neatness like Gertie’s...Anyway, now that Mr. Hickson won’t have as much time for Mr. Simpson, he’s sure to be lonely...he was already looking even more lost when he was in the library yesterday.”
“Where would you find a woman willing to put up with Ol’ Prune Face? Remember what he was like when we were in school?” Mark shuddered.
“Actually, I’d like to find out what I can about Olga Brunski...I doubt Mr. Simpson would even look at another woman, even now, as he obviously still has strong feelings for Olga, since he hasn’t managed to move on and forget her - he wouldn’t be so miserable if he’d gotten over her.”
“Who’s Olga?”
Jayne shared the story that Mrs. T had shared with her.
“Oscar? Prune Face’s name is Oscar? Well, that sure fits, he’s an Oscar the Grouch, if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Mark!”
Crumpled bags flew through the air for a bit.
“So, how do you plan to find this Olga person?”
Jayne sighed, “I don’t know...there seems to be no trace of her, and everyone who knew her agrees that she just suddenly ran away, and no one has ever questioned the story...except maybe Mr. Simpson. Steph and I did some online searching, even a phone number search and came up empty. I can’t believe that she just ran away. It doesn’t make sense, and it just seems too much of a coincidence that the house burnt down.”
“I could check some data bases and see what I can find...but not till my holidays are over...Jayne, you’ve taken up too much of my time already.”
Jayne reached out her foot and managed to tip Mark over, to the others’ delight.
“I guess I could ask our family private investigator to do some investigating.”
“Your family what?” Jim Jr. looked like someone had sucker punched him as he stared at Monique.
“Private investigator...he’s on retainer...and it would give him something constructive to do besides driving through town every other day to check up on me.”
“Wait...Armani suit, aviator sunglasses, muddy John Deere baseball cap, and rusty olive green Dodge pick up truck?”
“Yes, that’s him. When did you see him?”
“We’ve had encounters in the past, and I stopped him today at a check stop.”
“Bet he didn’t like that!”
“Let’s just say his visits will now be once a week, if not less.”
“My hero,” Monique hugged Mark and settled back on the step.
(April 6, 2018 )
Jayne couldn’t stop herself from quickly glancing at Jim Jr., before her gaze moved to Dan. Like her, he wore a slight frown, but it was the stunned look that still remained on Jim Jr.’s face that almost broke her heart, and she wasn’t entirely sure that he even realized that Monique had just hugged Mark, right in front of him.
Though, she couldn’t fault him for his reaction to Monique’s comment that her family had their own private investigator. There were times when it was so easy to forget that Monique was a relative newcomer to Humble, because she had fit in so well, but then there were other times, like now, when the differences between their lives in Humble and Monique’s as the daughter of an extremely wealthy family from the city, were more obvious.
Before Mark had shown up, the four of them had been getting along fairly well, and even Monique had thawed her constant animosity towards Jim Jr., and had joked with him. It had given Jayne hope that the two of them had patched up the differences they had, and were ready to move forward to a closer relationship, but with Mark’s appearance, Jayne realized that was just wishful thinking. She also realized that Jim Jr. still had not revealed that he was sending the pink notes, nor had he revealed his true feelings to Monique.
And now the group’s dynamics had changed. All because Monique couldn’t see what was right in front of her.
If ever there was a tragic love-triangle, this was it. Jim Jr., who literally willed Monique back from the brink of death, returned her to the land of the living, and would do anything for her. Mark, who was attracted to Monique, and would be more than willing to ask her out, except he knew exactly how Jim Jr. felt, so would never cross that line, unless Jim Jr. gave up any further attempts to win Monique’s affections. And, Monique who completely ignored Jim Jr., the rock that she had leaned on more than she realized, in favour of Mark, because she liked how he looked in his uniform, and because he was determined to reject all her advances. Case in point, while Monique had just hugged Mark, he hadn’t hugged her back.
Jayne sighed quietly. Why did life have to be so complicated? She returned her attention to the conversation.
“It won’t take more than a phone call to get our family PI to start looking into Olga...what’s her last name again?”
“Brunski...I don’t recall Mrs. T telling me her parents names, but that wouldn’t be hard to find out as there is information on the family in the museum...I wonder if the investigator would be able to find any information on Gertie’s first husband?”
“Do you really want to open that can of worms? At this time? Gertie’s happy for the first time I can ever remember...I’d hate to ruin this for her.”
Jayne sighed again, “No, I don’t want to wreak Gertie’s life, but what if they are connected? What if there is a criminal reason two people went missing from Humble? What if there is something that Gertie needs to know before it’s too late?”
“Like what? It’s been so long that even if the guy turned up alive, they aren’t legally married any more...and, if he left her a fortune, you’d think she’d have found it by now.”
“It sounds crazy, but if it was me, I think I’d just want to know what happened so I didn't have to spend any more time wondering...unlike Gerie, I know what it’s like to live with more unknowns than knowns...it may fade in time, but the questions never go away.”
“Well, if we’re going out on limb and asking a private investigator to look into things for us, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have him look into Jasper Winterbloom and his connection to your parents,” Dan reached over and squeezed Jayne’s hand.
Monique dramatically smacked her forehead, “Now why didn’t I think of that? What happened to nasty Jasper anyway?”
“They don’t know...they’re still looking for him.”
“Seriously? He’s still on the loose? I thought the Mounties always get their man?”
Jayne noticed that Mark missed the flirtatious glance that Monique sent his way.
“This one’s more like a slippery pig, than a man...not that I can say more…” Mark popped his last fry into his mouth.
“Hey, gang...anyone ready for dessert?” Tommy strolled around the corner of the building carrying a bakery box in his hand.
“Perfect timing, Tommy Boy...pull up some grass and take a load off,” Mark moved a little further away from the steps to make room for Tommy to sit between him and Jim Jr.
With a flourish, Tommy opened the box and presented it to the two girls, who each took out an apple fritter, before he put it on the grass and invited the guys to help themselves.
“I must say, Jayne, you sure managed to pull off a bigger humdinger today than I thought. Inspections are all done, paperwork is all signed...Hilda’s nose is royally out of joint because she doesn’t know who did this, and because she didn’t get to plan anything for Gertie and Ol’ Man Hickson as they eloped, yet someone managed to upstage her anyway and give them a splashy party so she can’t even do anything after the fact…”
Monique interrupted, with a soft jab to Jayne’s ribs, “See, she’d be a perfect partner in your matchmaking/wedding business…”
Tommy continued, “...and the Mayor is still red-faced and blustering because he doesn’t know who’s behind it all...I’d say that was the biggest coup of all,” Tommy saluted Jayne with his half-eaten fritter.
“Well, I do have to admit I enjoyed watching Mrs. T put him in his place. I think we need to start working on getting his replacement so he doesn’t end up in for another term.”
“Getting cut down to size doesn’t seem to stop him.”
Jayne noticed that Monique was back to acting like Jim Jr. wasn’t even there as she spoke - deliberately? - over his comment. Jayne wondered how much longer Jim Jr. would continue with the pink notes, and trying to get Monique’s attention. Twice now he’d all but put his life on hold to sit with her through a collapse, and twice, Monique had pretty much treated him like dirt.
Dan leaned back on one arm, “Now there’s an intriguing problem...who would make a good mayor of Humble?”
“Well, it can’t be any of us as we don’t live in town.”
Jayne kicked Mark’s extended feet, “Who says the mayor has to be a male?”
“Uncle, uncle,” Mark extended his hands in surrender, “Let me rephrase that...it can’t be any of us as we’re all too busy…better?”
Jayne’s grin at Mark’s antics was cut short by another, harder this time, jab to her ribs from Monique. Without looking at the other girl, she jabbed back.
“We need someone who is level-headed…”
“Naturally!”
“Someone who is actually concerned about the wellbeing of Humble more than personal gain…”
“Okay, that takes out half the population right there.”
At that comment, Jayne gently kicked Dan’s feet, before continuing her list of qualities, “Someone who is well liked and accepted by most residents…”
“Gee, and I was going to suggest Witch Hilda till you said that.”
Jayne would have kicked Jim Jr. if she could have reached him, so had to settle for giving him a mock glare.
(April 20, 2018 )
~~~~~~
Jayne rolled onto her back and gazed at the shadows on the ceiling above her bed. There was just enough light that she could imagine the light and shadows made different shapes, similar to how she used to gaze at the clouds and imagine whole worlds appearing and disappearing at her wish and whim. If she squinted just right she could almost make out the shape of an open book, or was it a reclining lion? No, it looked more like a slice of bread.
Jayne couldn’t sleep. Goodness knows, she had enough aches and pains, as well as stress and worry of late, to keep her awake for a month or more, but she knew it wasn’t the events of the past week robbing her of her rest. No, it was probably because of the conversation from earlier that evening that ran through her mind in an endless loop.
At some point, someone had suggested Peter for Mayor, and they’d all agreed he’d be a great choice, provided residents didn’t get upset when they found out about the apartment above the bank, though maybe the arrival of the new baby would temper any disappointment from the groups vying for the space, and maybe Jayne should see what his feelings on the subject were before the rest of them started encouraging him to campaign, as it was never to early to start on something this momentous, and important, to the community. Then the guys had decided to head down to the school grounds and join a scrimmage game, leaving Monique and Jayne sitting in awkward silence.
Well, it had felt very awkward on Jayne’s part, and had the silence continued, she would have been fine, but then Monique had started gushing - really that was the only word for it - about Mark and how wonderful he was and how strong and how noble (Noble? Who uses the word NOBLE nowadays?) and how gorgeous he was and how helpful and considerate, and how he had looked at her in a special way (oh? Special how exactly?), and on and on till Jayne felt like screaming, or slapping some sense into Monique. Instead, she asked a question, hoping to take the conversation in a different direction.
“Any more pink notes?”
“I found a couple in my apartment that I hadn’t had a chance to read before all the excitement, but otherwise there haven’t been any more. It’s got to be Mark...and you know how busy he’s been lately. Really, you’ve spent more time with him this past week than anyone else, which isn’t fair as you already have a guy!” Jayne was positive there was an accusing tone in Monique’s voice. “I’ll know for sure if I get another one while Mark’s on his holidays.”
“How will that mean it’s Mark? It could by anyone….it could be Mr. Simpson!” Jayne bit her tongue because she wanted to shout as loud as she could that it was Jim Jr.
“I can’t see Mr. Simpson being the type to leave love notes for anyone...and certainly not for a gal young enough to be his daughter...though, if it was, he certainly wouldn’t be the first. Do you really think it’s a good idea to dredge up the whole Olga What’s-her-name history?”
“I really think it would make him feel better knowing...whatever the situation was...it’s the not knowing that seems to be eating at him, and making him so grumpy.”
“She could be dead...she could be a grandmother to dozens of children...she could be in jail...she could be an undercover spy...she could have amnesia or be in a coma...there are so many possibilities.”
“Exactly!...and if we just knew why she left Humble, then I don’t think that wherever she ended up will really matter.”
“It’s kinda funny that this came up now…”
“Why...because of Rodney and Gertie’s wedding?”
“No, because Patty...you know, the new gal in town...anyway, she was in the library yesterday asking about back issues of the paper from that time period. I told her to go to the museum as it would be easier.”
“I wonder what she wanted? I haven't spoken to her yet myself.”
“Really? I thought she had as she talks about you a lot...and she did plan to talk to you yesterday.”
Jayne was shocked, “She does? What does she say about me?” Now Jayne was really curious. Not only did everyone else in Humble get to talk to this mysterious Patty, but why did Patty talk so much about her? It didn’t make sense. But then, not a lot had made sense in Jayne’s life for over a week.
“Hmm...I don’t know that she says much ABOUT you...I guess it’s more she’s always asking questions about you...where you’re from, how did you get in the newspaper business, how long you’ve been in Humble, if you have any family, you know, siblings...stuff like that.”
“But why does she want to know?” Jayne was sure she’d never seen Patty before, but there was something about the mystery gal that nagged at Jayne. If she could only remember, or figure it out. And why was she so interested in Jayne’s life? Did her arrival have any connection to the whole situation with Jasper Winterbloom, and the totally unexpected resurfacing of Jayne’s parents, or was that all just a weird coincidence? Yet, how could it be JUST a coincidence that suddenly all these skeletons from Jayne’s past were suddenly emerging now, one after the other, and with some disastrous results? Was there some significance to all of this that she was overlooking?
“I don’t think she said...I do know that she really wants to talk to you about something.”
“If it’s so important that she talk to me, why hasn’t she?...how long has it been now that she’s been in town? Plus, it’s not like I’m hard to find or track down...even after last week’s insanity.”
Monique just shrugged before gushing some more about Mark. Jayne decided that she didn’t care if it upset the MacDonalds, she was going to sleep in her own bed, in her own apartment, as she needed some time alone to see if she could make some sense of all the thoughts and emotions swirling around in her mind, so she said goodbye and walked across the street.
Now, hours later, she was sleepless, and no closer to an answer. If anything, she had even more questions and thoughts to contend with.
Since she couldn’t get any sleep, Jayne figured she might as well get up and be productive. Without turning on a light she went to the kitchenette, filled the kettle and plugged it in. She grabbed some paper from the printer tray, and a pen off her desk, before she pulled a chair closer to the front window so she could see with the aid of the street light.
Jayne started listing down the various people and events that had occurred, as well as anything she could remember from the different conversations. There had to be a clue or a connection here somewhere. Writing as fast as she could, she then started writing down all the questions that were bugging her, and there were a LOT!
Forced to stop as her hand was cramping, Jayne looked at the small stack of paper she’d covered with words. She poured water into a mug and sat back down. As she read through the pages, and relived the events all over again, she still couldn’t see why she was in the middle of all this.
The faint bark of a dog caught Jayne’s ear and she glanced up. Just as she did so, she saw someone dart into the shadowed doorway of the library. She couldn’t tell if it was a male or female, as they moved to fast, but she could tell that whoever it was appeared to be wrapped in a large heavy coat or blanket.
Jayne quietly walked over to the front door and carefully opened it a crack. She couldn’t hear any sounds from across the street.
(May 4, 2018 )
It did briefly cross Jayne’s mind that she should probably get away from the doorway and call the police, but this was Humble for heaven’s sake, and recent events notwithstanding, she had never hesitated before to walk out of her door, no matter what time of day or night, if the situation required it, and sometimes in the past, the situation did require it. The Wilson twins didn’t seem to respect time, or care if others were sleeping, when they were in the mood to pull a prank or two. On more than one occasion, Jayne had been rudely woken up by the Twins, and forced to go out to confront them to end whatever shenanigans they were involved in.
Jayne paused and debated her options. While the streetlights lit up her door, the library door was recessed just enough that it was completely shadowed so there was no way she could walk outside unseen. Also, there was no way she could sneak across the street, again due to the streetlights. If it was a local resident, then there would be nothing to worry about, but if it wasn’t, well, that was a whole other situation and not one she really wanted to dwell on just yet. Besides, it wasn’t like there were a lot of strangers roaming around Humble, again recent events notwithstanding.
Taking a deep breath, Jayne grabbed a flashlight keychain hanging by the door, yanked her office door wide open, and raced across the street before she could change her mind. Arriving at the other side, she pointed the flashlight at the library doorway.
“What?!?!?”
“You!?!!?!”
Well, it seemed that at long last Jayne finally was going to be able to talk to the mysterious, and incredibly elusive, Patty.
“What are you doing here?”
Patty huddled deeper into the old sleeping bag she had wrapped around her shoulders, and deeper into the shadows, a move that Jayne was all to familiar with.
“Well?” As Patty continued to just stare silently, Jayne wished she’d grabbed her phone, because threatening to call the police was a bit lame when one didn’t have a ready means for making such a call.
“You’ve been telling everyone you want to talk to me...well, here I am so start talking.”
“Okay,” Patty stood up and looked around, “but not here...in your office.”
As a stalling tactic it wasn’t the most original, but Jayne didn’t argue as it would at least put her in proximity to a phone, if needed. She led the way across the street.
“Don’t...no lights...it’s too dangerous.”
Jayne’s hand froze on the lightswitch. “Too dangerous for you?...Or for me?”
“Both…”
Jayne motioned Patty to the chair by the window and pulled up another one.
“Who are you?...What’s going on?...Who is after me and why?”
“Who I am doesn’t matter...it’s who YOU are that does.”
“Who I am?...I’m nobody special.” Jayne couldn’t believe that anyone was going to all this trouble because they thought she was somebody else.
“Wrong...you are someone very special...you are the missing Winterbloom heir.”
Jayne couldn’t help it, she started laughing so hard she almost fell off her chair. How could anyone think that she, Miss Homeless herself, was an heir to anything other than a lousy set of parents and the memories of a dysfunctional upbringing?
“It’s true...you’re the missing Winterbloom baby...and Jasper will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to find you and make sure you never inherit...especially now that he has met you and deemed you highly unworthy.”
Jayne finally caught her breath, “If that’s the case, why even tell me I’m this missing heir. If, and that’s a pretty big IF, I am this person, wouldn’t it be better for me not to know at all?”
“But Jasper couldn’t be sure that you DIDN’T know. And there’s a lot of money at stake.”
“Maybe there is, and maybe there isn’t...what’s it matter to you?” Jayne couldn’t help the feeling that she may in fact be who Patty said she was. And it was the same feeling she’d had when her mother had talked about the brat that had to die. But none of this made any sense.
Patty sighed, “Why can’t you just believe me?”
“Sorry, I’m from the streets...we don’t ‘just believe’ anyone or anything...so you might as well start spilling details, and rest assured, I will be fact-checking everything you say.”
Patty sighed again, “It’s not a pretty story.”
“They rarely are...spill it…and who are the Winterblooms anyway? I never heard of them before ol’ Jasper showed up.”
Still Patty hesitated. Jayne got up, “I’ll make us some tea as the water’s still hot, but you’re not getting a cup till you start talking.”
“The Winterblooms are an old English family with ties to nobility. The one who ended up here on the prairies was a remittance man, but something happened to his older brothers and he inherited the entire estate and fortune. The family has kept pretty low key for the most part, but they do have their fingers in almost every sector of the economy, both here and in Britain . From what I can gather, they are all pretty normal, except for Jasper.” Patty wrapped her fingers around the mug Jayne handed her and inhaled deeply.
“What’s Jasper’s problem?”
“As far as I can tell he’s just plain mean and crazy. He’s had brushes with the law before, and managed to somehow buy his way out of trouble for the most part. And he’s obsessed with being the only heir to the family fortune, at any cost.”
“Does he have any kids? Unless he plans to blow the whole lot, he’ll have to leave it to someone.”
“Two girls...and that’s where you come in...he doesn’t want to leave the fortune to anyone, so that’s one reason why he’s trying to get rid of you.”
“One reason? What’s the other?”
“He’s not in the old man’s will at all...none of the surviving family members are...only you.”
“What?!...but you said there are two daughters…”
“Yes, but you’re the only one named in the will.”
“Why? That doesn’t make sense…”
“I don’t know all the details, I just know he really flipped out when he found out everyone was cut out of the will.”
“How do you even know any of this?”
“For now, please just accept that I do. The couple that you knew as your parents kidnapped you from your real parents and then were going to return you for the reward money, but something changed their mind...I suppose I might as well tell you...you are a twin - a fraternal twin.”
“A twin?!” Jayne shook her head. Patty’s story was getting more and more bizarre.
Just then a loud explosion shook the ground. Jayne looked up to see flames high in the sky behind the library. She couldn’t tell exactly which street, or building, was currently a large fireball, but she had a sneaking suspicion, things were becoming too coincidental of late.
“You have got to be kidding me!”
“We have to get out of here...hurry…”
Jayne reached for her phone and dialled 911. “No, that’s what he wants...he wants us to go investigate...we’re staying right here.”
(May 18, 2018 )
Jayne didn’t know how much, if any, of Patty’s story she could truly believe, it was too bizarre for words, especially the thought that she was a long-lost heiress, but what she did know was that things had sure gotten crazy, and much more dangerous, in Humble since Patty and Jasper had appeared in town. It seemed Jayne wasn’t the only one being threatened.
For a community whose biggest excitement was usually whatever infantile prank the Wilson Twins cooked up, this sudden dramatic spike in crime was definitely unusual. And, while she couldn’t prove anything, yet, Jayne had a feeling that the recent events might tie in with the two historic disappearances and the Brunski fire. It just seemed way to coincidental that history was literally repeating itself.
Jayne thought about phoning the MacDonalds, but then decided against it. The guys were all members of the volunteer Fire Department so would be called out, and since she wasn’t planning on going anywhere there was no point talking to Vera, who’d insist she go to the farm.
With phone in one hand, she tugged Patty down to the floor so they were out of sight of anyone looked in the windows.
“When it gets light, you’re going to help me look up everything we can find on the Winterblooms, the Bruskis, my parents, and Todd’s family.”
“But, I…”
“No buts, Sister...you opened this can of worms and now we need to deal with it...where I come from, nothing is random so all these ‘random’ events and people have to be connected somehow.”
As the piercing sound of sirens filled the night, it was too dark to see Patty’s face, but Jayne didn’t care. If this mystery lady wanted to turn Jayne’s life upside down, then she could darn well share in the resulting upheaval.
Just then Jayne heard a knock on her back door. “Stay here and DON’T move!” She pushed Patty closer to the floor.
Carefully looking out the back window she saw Mark, as well as Monique, Sue, Steph, and Vera, on her doorstep.
“Come in...are you back on duty, Mark?”
“Nope, still on vacation so I got relegated to babysitting duty.”
As she ushered Sue ahead of her, Jayne noticed Monique’s pout and figured that something had been said for Mark to make such a comment.
“No need to keep the lights off...we’ll all be safer if people can see you’re not alone,” Mark flipped on the overhead light in the office. If he was surprised to see Patty huddled on the floor, he didn’t show it at all.
“Do you know what’s happening?” Jayne pulled out chairs for the visitors before she refilled the kettle to make some more tea.
“It’s Todd’s parents house...not sure if any other structures have been affected. They’ve called in other fire crews to help...suspected gas leak which resulted in the explosion.”
Jayne turned to look Mark in the eye. “Okay...what do you think really happened?”
“Aw, Jayne...I may be on vacation, but this is all still an active investigation and you know I can’t comment on any of it.”
“Bull!...so you think this is connected to all the other events?”
“Jayne…”
“Okay...give me your gut feeling then.”
“It’s suspicious.”
“I thought so!” Jayne wasn’t thrilled to have her feelings echoed by Mark, but on the other hand, it was nice to know that someone else thought the way she did, and it wasn’t just her imagination going into overdrive. As she waited for the kettle to boil, she watched, with the others, as the flames continued to shoot up, brightening the night sky.
Jayne put a basket of tea bags on her desk, along with the filled mugs.
“Since we’re not going to be getting any sleep, we might as well see what we can find...Monique, can you please contact your PI guy and have him look into all these?” Jayne handed Monique one of the lists she’s made earlier that evening, “Patty, you can use Steph’s computer and start searching the Winterblooms…Vera and Sue, you two can start going through these...and Sue, don’t over do it,” Jayne grabbed a couple of boxes from the closet and placed them on the desk too, smiling at the face Sue made, “Mark, you can do your thing on my computer...Steph, you and I can start looking through the newspaper archives, and this time we’ll start at the very beginning.”
Jayne didn’t think they’d honestly find anything right away. Look how many hours she and Steph had already put into looking, but it gave them all something to do, and took their minds off the tragedy unfolding on the other side of town.
Jayne was startled to see it was light outside when Mrs. Schulz walked in the door with a breakfast platter. Stretching her cramped muscles, Jayne cleared a space on one of desks for the tray. The others also stretched, and then helped themselves to the food.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning. Humble Beginnings, Steph speaking, how may of be of service today?...Oh, hi Mrs. T...yes, I can send someone right away...we’re all here and Jayne is fine...okay, see you shortly, good-bye...Mark, could you please get Mrs. T? She’s frantic and wants to see Jayne.”
“Don’t eat all the food before I get back,” Mark grabbed his keys and left.
Patty nibbled on a fresh croissant, “I’m still not sure what we’re trying to find here...I’ve searched and searched and can’t find any links to Humble, or any of the names you mentioned.”
“Don’t give up...there has to be something...there has to be some connection.” Jayne started pacing around the desks, “and there must be some reason why everything is happening now...what is the significance of this month or this year?”
“What are you looking for?” Mrs Schulz plopped down into the chair Mark had vacated.
“Basically, something, anything, that will explain what is happening and why, and how everything’s all connected to Jayne.” Steph got another mug and handed it to Mrs. Schulz.
“Have to talked to Siegfried and Roy?”
“No, why?”
“They are always going on about different people. Seems they are our very own local 6-degrees of Kevin Bacon folks. They know someone who knows someone which can connect them to practically anyone in the world it seems. They told me exactly who Monique was before people even knew she was in town, and claimed that Roy ’s brother-in-law’s best man’s brother used to date Monique’s maternal grandmother’s sister.”
“Wow! I know it’s a small world, but that is incredible.” Steph’s eyes were wide as she popped a strawberry in her mouth.
“They also told me that they knew Jasper’s daddy from way back, and that Jasper was always a bad seed, even as a toddler..and it seems they also were well acquainted with your parents, Jayne, as they talked about them a lot when they first hit town way back.”
“Really? Why haven’t they ever told me that? They’ve never said a word about my parents to me!” Jayne was stunned. Could it be that all the answers she was looking for had been practically under her nose, well, right next door, the whole time? What other secrets and tidbits might those two have? At that moment, Jayne realized she hadn’t even asked them about Olga when she was making her inquiries. How could she have overlooked such an obvious, and readily accessible, resource?
“I don’t remember all their stories, as they have so many, but they even seemed to know Patty’s life history…” Mrs. Schulz paused.
(June 1, 2018 )
Jayne turned around to look at Patty who seemed to be trying really hard to shrink down into her chair and disappear. “And just who IS Patty?”
“I don’t remember exactly...I think they said she’s related to Jasper somehow.”
“Oh?! Really?!” Jayne leaned over the desk to look Patty straight in the eyes, “Funny how you never mentioned that before?”
“I didn’t think it was relevant to our current discussion.”
“Oh, you didn’t, did you?...And what else have you been hiding?”
Before Patty could answer, if she had been going to answer, Mark walked in the door with a tired looking Mrs. T. He also had a message for Mrs. Schulz that the first crew was being relieved and was ready for some refreshments, so Mrs. Schulz headed back to the restaurant. Steph refilled the kettle and got a mug for Mrs. T, who sat down in Mark’s chair.
“It’s been quite the night. First the explosion that shook the ground, and then the shooting flames. I was able to see the fire from my front window...the house was engulfed in no time at all. Almost too close for comfort, but thankfully the fire crew has been able to keep the fire from spreading. Such a tragedy...a horrible tragedy. I think we need to say a prayer for all of them. Especially the ones that risk their lives trying to see if Todd’s parents were inside.”
Jayne was sure everyone wanted to know the answer as badly as she did, but no one seemed to want to ask the important question, so she stepped up, “Were they?”
“The fire chief said there was no sign of anyone inside...but if they weren’t home, where were they?”
That question stopped everyone’s sighs of relief and an awkward silence reigned, only to be broken by the whistle of the kettle. Jayne waved Steph back to her seat and she refreshed the teapot that she’d dug out earlier when it became obvious no one would be sleeping that night.
“Do you know if Father Phillipe was called?”
“Yes, he knocked on my door to see how I was doing. I think he’s at the church now. He mentioned meeting with the other ministers as someone wanted to have a prayer vigil.”
Jayne wondered how much more the tight-knit community could handle. They hadn’t even had Todd’s funeral mass yet, and now his parents were missing in action, and their house reduced to a pile of ashes.
Jayne topped up everyone’s mugs and many of them, like herself, wrapped their hands around the hot mug, almost like they were trying to warm themselves from a bone-deep chill, or find some tiny piece of comfort and stability in a very chaotic time.
Vera had one arm around Steph and the other arm around Sue who had started crying quietly. Monique had moved her chair and was leaning against Mrs. T’s shoulder. Mark was pacing between the windows. Patty had squeezed herself down into the chair and was almost hiding behind the table.
“I’m going to go talk to Siegfried and Roy and see what they know. Steph, could you hang out here and mind the phones?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll come with you…” Patty stood up.
“Mark, make sure Patty doesn’t move from this room for any reason. I’m not finished with her yet.”
“But…”
“Right now I don’t trust you,” Jayne leaned over the desk to stare Patty down again, “and I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you...and I run my business my way and you are staying put.”
Jayne grabbed a pen and some blank paper from the printer before heading for the door.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning. Humble Beginnings, Steph speaking, how may I be of service today?...Yes, it is quite tragic, and a loss to the community…”
Jayne had paused, but when Steph mentioned the fire, she continued through the door, only to freeze on the top step at Steph’s next words.
“YOU WHAT?!?! I think you better tell Jayne yourself.”
Jayne turned and was greeted by the sight of Steph’s eyes doing a deer-in-the-headlight imitation and her free hand frantically waving around as the others in the room stared.
“No, really, it would be best if you spoke to Jayne...she’s right...,” Steph put the phone down, “she hung up on me?! I thought only Gertie did that.”
“Everyone does at some point. Who was it?”
Steph gently pulled Jayne towards her chair, “You’re going to have to sit down for this.”
“What is going on and who was on the phone?”
Steph seemed to look around for support before she took a deep breath and blurted out, “ItwasHildaandshesaidshemailedtheweddinginvitations.”
Jayne wasn’t sure what she heard, but it couldn’t have been what she thought Steph had said. “You want to say that again?”
Steph shook her head, “Nope...once was enough, thank you.”
“Steph…”
Jayne barely noticed that Mark had stepped up behind her and had placed his hands on her shoulders.
Steph slumped against the desk, “Hilda phoned...she wanted to tell you that the wedding invitations - all 600…”
“SIX HUNDRED!?”
“Uh, Jayne…”
“Who did she invite? There aren’t even 600 people in Humble and surrounding area. SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE!? I don’t even know 600 people!”
Steph quickly crossed the room till she was standing behind Vera as Mark kept Jayne in her chair, despite her struggles to get up.
“...And she said that your dress fitting is scheduled for 1:00 tomorrow and she’ll pick you up as she doesn’t want you to go alone…”
“Grrrrrrrrrrrrr…”
“...And since you’re mother isn’t here, she is willing to step in…”
“LET ME GO NOW! When I get my hands on that woman she’s going to wish that she’d never…”
“Careful, I may be off duty, but I’m still an officer of the law.” Mark didn’t move his hands from Jayne’s shoulders.
Jayne took a deep breath and tried to calm down, though she knew it was a futile attempt. “Did she say WHEN she mailed the invitations?”
“No, just that they were mailed.”
“Let me go, Mark, I need to get down to the post office right away.”
“I have a better idea...how about I escort you?”
Jayne decided there was no point arguing as Mark was not only bigger and stronger, but trained to keep people from escaping him. After she nodded, with great and obvious reluctance, Mark helped her up and linked her arm with his, and led her through the door.
They were greeted at the post office by the seven people waiting in line at the wicket. Jayne couldn’t remember one single instance in the entire time she’d lived in Humble when there had ever been more than three people, at the most, lined up waiting. That there was an actual line up, and on today of all days, was enough to test her rapidly eroding patience.
Finally it was her turn. “Lynn , when did Hilda mail the invitations?”
“It was after hours so I don’t know for sure.”
“I need them all back now...Please.”
“Sorry, I can’t do that. Once they are deposited here they can’t be returned unless they are deemed undeliverable.”
(June 15, 2018 )
July 6, 2018 )
July 20, 2018 )
August 3, 2018 )
Jayne felt like reaching across the counter and shaking Lynn , and was amazed that she was able to refrain.
“Trust me...they ARE undeliverable!”
“I’m sorry, I can’t give them to you...especially if they are someone else’s mail.”
“Lynn ...you know darn well that Hilda should not be mailing ANY wedding invitations for me because I’M NOT GETTING MARRIED!”
“You could have been busy and asked her to drop them off for you, as far as I know...I’m sorry I can’t give them to you.”
“Lynn...you’re NOT listening to me,” Jayne was surprised her fingers weren’t sinking into the counter she was holding on so tight so she didn’t reach out and smack Lynn, or shake her, or both and pulled her perfect black hair out for good measure, “I’M NOT GETTING MARRIED...trust me, if I was, you and everyone else would KNOW because it would LITERALLY be front page news in the paper...NOW HAND THEM OVER!”
“Easy...breathe...Lynn said she can’t give them to you, so she can’t give them to you.”
“BACK OFF!” Jayne shrugged Mark’s hand off her arm. She knew she was in danger of crossing a line she didn’t really want to cross, but a gal could only handle so much before blowing, and this was BEYOND the last straw - the camel’s back wasn’t just broken, the whole animal was stone-cold dead and buried!
“I’m sorry, Jayne, but there really is nothing I can do...they went out yesterday, so I couldn’t give them to you even if I wanted to.” Jayne noticed that Lynn was standing back just out of reach.
Jayne sank down onto the floor and hid her face, “That’s it...I’m doomed...I have move...there is no way I can stay here now...my life is over....I’m jobless and homeless...”
Mark put his arm around her and hugged her to his side, “You don't have to move, and you life isn’t over.”
“Wanna bet?...IT IS...completely OVER...and you are just being nice cause it isn’t your life that Hilda ruined.”
“Come on...she cares for you and wants to help you out...that’s why she does these things.”
Jayne raised her head just high enough so that Mark could see her glare.
“That woman cares only for herself and the mayhem she can create.”
“That’s not…”
“STUFF IT! I DON’T want to hear it and I DON’T believe it. That woman HATES me otherwise she wouldn’t have done this.”
Jayne didn’t know what to do, or even how to fix this. She didn’t even know if the RSVPs were to come to her, though more likely they’d be going to Hilda so Jayne wouldn’t know who was coming. Heck, she didn’t even know WHEN this bogus wedding was supposed to happen. She pushed away from Mark and went to her postal box.
“Are you ready to go back now?”
“I don’t believe this...she didn’t even have the decency to mail ME an invitation!” Jayne shuffled through the flyers and envelopes in her hands twice more, “and I’m NOT going with her for any dress fitting...so if you don’t want me to do any bodily harm to her, I suggest, Constable, you go remove her from my sight.” Jayne slapped the mail to Mark’s chest and stomped out the door.
“Jayne, wait…”
“Go away, I have nothing further to say to you.”
Jayne kept walking till she came to the old path from town that led to the lake in Jim and Vera’s field. She wanted to get away from everyone and everything before she started screaming.
She knew all the jokes and cliques about small towns and everyone knowing your business, but this...THIS was WAY beyond just knowing someone’s business. This was WORSE. This was a invasion of privacy...no, wait, it had to be fraud, or SOMETHING illegal, didn’t it? There had to be some way she could nail Hilda’s hide to the wall, and stop her once and for all.
And WHAT was Dan going to say or do? If she had even the remotest chance with him, she was sure this stunt of Hilda’s had destroyed it, along with any respect or credibility she had as a business owner in Humble, if she really did have any respect or credibility. This would be just the excuse ones like Gertie would be looking for to run her out of town for good. How she could she keep the paper going after this fiasco?
Jayne reached the lake and flopped down at the edge of the water. She had always joked that if she ended up homeless again it wouldn’t be a problem as she was an old pro at that lifestyle, but now that the possibility was on the verge of becoming reality, she wasn’t confident she could make it all, and it seemed every fear she’d ever shoved into hiding was now breaking out to overwhelm her. She couldn’t scream, she couldn’t cry, in fact, she was having a hard time even breathing.
The situation with Patty, the mystery of who she really was, and the mystery of Olga’s disappearance suddenly didn’t seem to matter at all. Nothing mattered except figuring out how to keep her life from falling apart, and how to stop Witch Hilda, but how could she stop her, especially when ones like Mark were on Hilda’s side and not Jayne’s? So much for friendship!
Jayne picked up a stone and threw it into the water, and then another, and another, and another. But no matter how many rocks she threw, she couldn't throw them far enough, or fast enough, to stop the fear from threatening to choke her.
Was she cursed like her parents always told her? Was she evil? Was she destined to always be the outcast? Was this punishment because she lost her gratitude journal and hadn’t been recording things she was grateful for? Was it punishment for even thinking that she could have a normal life in spite of her background? Was it punishment because she secretly DID want to marry Dan?
Suddenly Jayne heard voices.
“If you were Jayne, and you were upset, where would you hide?”
“Under the picnic table, but we looked and she wasn’t there.”
“There has to be another place around here that she feels safe?”
“I looked there too and she wasn’t there. Didn’t you follow her?”
“I thought I had time to drop her mail at the office and then head her off...guess she was madder than I thought as she had totally disappeared by the time I circled back around.”
“I thought you were the big shot cop?”
“I’m off duty.”
“Cops are never really off duty. Why didn’t you follow her?”
“She told me to scram.”
“No guff...how would you feel if Hilda had pulled a stupid stunt like this on you?”
“Well, I don’t see you getting too bent out of shape over it and your name is on all 600 of those invitations.”
“I’m too worried about Jaynelle right now...where is she?”
Great! Jayne tried to flatten herself down so she was invisible. The LAST thing she needed right now was to be found by Mark and Dan. Dan may say he was worried, but that didn’t mean he didn’t blame Jayne for this mess. Besides, how on earth was she expected to face him now? SIX HUNDRED invitations had gone out with both their names on them and SIX HUNDRED...OH NO!...TWELVE HUNDRED people would be expecting them to actually get MARRIED!
( For a moment, Jayne was distracted by the thought of how large the wedding would be. She couldn’t even IMAGINE a wedding with 1200 guests. Where did Hilda think she could fit them all? And where was the so-called wedding expected to take place? There were no buildings in Humble large enough to accommodate 1200 people, and where would they get enough chairs for an outdoor wedding? Plus, they’d need a really good sound system, and then everyone would need fed, and what about accommodations, and…
Jayne shook her head and returned to the present. There was no point worrying about the logistics for a wedding that wasn’t going to happen, no matter what Hilda may think. As Mark and Dan walked closer to her hiding spot, she debated whether to continue hiding, or reveal herself and just get the confrontation over and done with.
“What makes you think she’d be around here?”
“Jaynells’s on foot so she can’t go far…”
“She was pretty mad though….”
“Not that mad...and since Mrs. T and Monique were at the office, we know she didn’t go to their places, so she had to come this way...she wasn’t at the house, or around the barns…”
“But what makes you think she’s here at the lake...I don’t see anyone in the water…you don’t think she...”
“Don’t be stupid...she used to come down here to watch us swim.”
“She did? I didn’t know that. How did you know?”
“Remember the time my shirt went missing?”
“Yeah, we figured a bird or animal had taken off with it.”
“I found the shirt…”
“Intact or chewed to bits?”
“It was in Jaynelle’s room.”
Jayne almost stood up to accuse Dan of snooping in her room. How DARE he go through her things. How many times had he done that? Is that how he seemed to know exactly what she was doing? How long had he been spying on her? Who did he think he was?
“Whoa! Really? How’d you find it?”
“Sue was lending Jaynelle a dress and was putting the dress in Jaynelle’s closet as I happened to walk by...Sue pulled the shirt out and asked if it was mine before tucking it back where she found it...I don’t know if she ever asked Jaynelle about it or not...I never mentioned it.”
“Sir Galahad...someone’s got a crush on you…”
Jayne didn’t risk peeking as the sounds of scuffling reached her ears. It wouldn’t surprise her if the two guys were wrestling. And, she’d forgotten about Sue lending her the dress shortly after she’d taken the t-shirt. She thought she’d hidden it so well at the time, since she was still living at the farm, but obviously not if Sue found it. Funny, Sue had never mentioned it, but then neither had Dan.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t see Jayne, and I think we could both use some sleep before we collapse...we’re not as young as we used to be when we could handle an all-nighter...and you could use a shower - smoke isn’t really your scent…”
Jayne heard more scuffling sounds.
“...Jayne’s a big girl and can take care of herself. She’ll come home when she’s ready.”
“You go...I’ll keep looking.”
Jayne stifled a groan. The last thing she needed was Dan hanging around the lake for the day, trapping her here for who knows how long. She didn’t relish cowering in the dirt for hours on end. Nor, did she want him to stumble on her in said cowering position as she couldn’t think of a plausible excuse to foist off on him. Though, chances are Dan wouldn’t believe her anyway, and she’d just end up looking as foolish as she felt.
She gritted her teeth and stood up, brushing off her clothes as if she had just been sitting down admiring the view over the water, and not like she’d been cowering face-down in the dirt, which she really had been doing.
“Are you boys looking for me?” Jayne adopted the most innocent look she could pull off.
“There you are! We were worried.”
Jayne stepped back as it looked like Dan was going to hug her. She was still upset enough to rebuff a hug, and besides, as Mark had pointed out, Dan reeked of smoke.
“Is the fire out? Have they found Todd’s parents? Were any other homes affected? Do they know what caused the fire?”
“Slow down, Jaynelle…”
Mark laughed and cuffed Dan on the shoulder, “You’re on your own, ol’ man...I’m outta here...take care, Jayne...go easy on him.”
Jayne watched Mark head back towards town. This was one of those rare times when she wasn’t happy to be left alone with Dan.
“Well, since you won’t answer my questions, I guess I’ll just head back to work and see what I can find out...Hey, Mark, wait up.”
Jayne dodged to avoid Dan’s out-stretched hand, and jogged to catch up to Mark.
“You realize you just poked the bear right now, right?”
“Serves him right. Besides, I need to track down Witch Hilda.”
“No threats or funny stuff...I don’t want to have to haul you in.”
“You’re off duty...you can’t haul me in.”
“JAYNE!...yes, I can...You sure like to live dangerously...if I wasn’t your friend, I’d lock the two of you together and let nature take it’s course...though, I might do it yet, just to get some peace.”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“I might...The fire is out and there are a few guys still on site checking for hot spots...it burnt to the ground and there is nothing left but rubble....Todd’s parents are still missing - thankfully no bodies were recovered from the site…”
“Thank goodness! I don’t think Humble could handle any more tragedy. Any idea where they could be?”
“Nothing...neighbours said they were in their yard for a while, chatting over the fence, before going inside, and no one saw them leave.”
“Hmmmmmm...there seems to be a history of ‘missing’ people when serious tragedy hits Humble.”
“Now that you mention it, yes, it does seem that way. Part of the fence burnt, but the houses on either side were saved with only a little smoke damage as they are far enough apart and the crews were on scene quickly...no cause has been determined yet.”
“Is it suspicious?”
“Only because Todd’s parents are missing, and that’s all I can say.”
Jayne gave Mark a quick one-armed hug. Though they didn't comment on it, they both were very aware of Dan walking along a few steps behind them. Jayne didn't risk looking back to gauge his mood. Contrary to what Mark thought, she didn't like taking risks, and had left the lake as she felt safer with Mark, and more importantly, to avoid any discussion with Dan.
What DO you say to the guy who’s name is linked with yours on 600 wedding invitations that should not have been mailed? Gee, fun prank, isn’t it? Or, how about: that Hilda is quite the prankster, isn’t she? Or, maybe: we sure out did the Wilson Twins this time.
Jayne sighed. Avoidance would not make this go away, but she could not figure out how to handle the situation, or how to fix it. Dan, of course, would probably know, and for all she knew, had probably managed to charm someone and fix the situation, between battling the fire and searching for her. Some times he just seemed too perfect and wonderful, and she was anything but.
( Before Jayne was quite ready they had reached her office steps, with Dan still trailing silently a few steps behind them. While she didn’t risk looking back to see how mad Dan was, her only consolation was that she knew Dan wouldn’t make a scene and embarrass her in front of everyone, so it seemed the confrontation was going to be put off for a little longer. She may have gotten off lightly now, but she knew it wouldn’t last.
“Thank goodness you’re back. This place has been a zoo!” Steph turned to the door with a notepad in hand. “Monique took Mrs. T to the library with her when she left to open. You are to go over if you have a chance as Mrs. T has something she needs to tell you, and it’s important enough that it can’t wait till tomorrow...It seems everyone in town has heard that Todd’s parents are missing in action and want to know if the funeral mass is still a go...I told them to ask Father Phillipe as we hadn’t heard anything yet...will they still hold it, even if his parents aren’t there?” Before Jayne or the others could answer, Steph continued, “The Sergeant and the Chief stopped by and said they will give you an official release for the paper once they have their reports done...at this point they don’t think the fire was intentionally set, but they aren’t ruling it out...the fire inspector should be here by noon they said…Oh, Mark, Sergeant knows you’re on vacation, but he wants you to touch base so he can fill you in...Lynn phoned to say she called someone at Canada Post just to verify and, Jayne, you’re out of luck getting the invitations back...the Smythers wanted to tell you th…”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, it’s a beautiful morning and how may I help you?” Steph reached for her purse and added some money to a fairly large stack of bills on Jayne’s keyboard, “Gertie, she just walked in the door, just one moment, please…” Steph covered the mouthpiece and handed the phone to Jayne, “Shouldn’t she still be in honeymoon mode?...and don’t disappear as I have three more pages of messages for you.”
Jayne gingerly took the phone, “Good morning, Gertie...how’s married life treating you?”
“Don’t change the subject, young lady...I see you didn’t put a notice in that paper of yours regarding my favourite casserole dish that is still missing.”
Jayne shook her head, “Did you talk to the caretaker? It may have been left at the hall. I was going to look before I left yesterday, but I forgot.”
“Yes, well we all know what’s been occupying your mind of late, don’t we?”
Jayne bit her tongue. No matter what she said, it would just make the situation worse. She turned around to find Mark, Steph, and Dan all watching her and listening to every word.
“Gertie, if you really want, I can put something together for your approval before the end of the day and it’ll go in the next issue.”
“Of course, I want...I wouldn’t have called you otherwise. What is this world coming to when a body can’t even get the barest level of customer service when they try to do business. Bob never treated his customers in such a shabby fashion. He was unfailingly courteous, and never, ever, forgot to put an item in the paper, no matter how busy he got. Yes, the whole business has certainly gotten much worse since he died, and I can’t imagine how it’s managed to last this long with you running it into the ground the way you do. Bob must be spinning over in his grave at this very moment.”
( “Gertie…” Jayne tried to interrupt, but it seemed there was no stopping, or avoiding, this tirade. She waved to Mark as he walked out the door. Dan lounged against the wall and it didn’t look like he planned to go anywhere any time soon.
“Why Bob, bless his soul, ever hired you I’ll certainly never know...we all told him it was a mistake, and certainly the ONLY mistake that dear man ever made in his life...though I suppose one must realize that the elderly are prone to lapses in judgement from time to time, and make allowances for that. Though, you can be sure that had I realized how serious Bob’s condition was, I would certainly have stepped in to make sure he was not being taken advantage of, as we now know he obviously was, the poor man...now the ENTIRE moral fibre of our newspaper has been completely lost…”
Jayne knew enough of the history of the Humble Beginnings newspaper to know that it certainly hadn’t started out with much moral fibre, no matter what Gertie said, and any moral fibre it still possessed was more because of, not in spite of, Jayne’s efforts.
In fact, the founder of the paper had been killed in a drunken brawl with his neighbour over a dispute regarding the ownership of a wild pig - though, to be fair, it was unclear if he was the one drunk, or if it was the neighbour, or both - a mere two months after he had released the inaugural issue. Details were so murky that it wasn’t even clear if it was a brawl with the neighbour, or if it was a brawl with the wild pig!
His assistant, and successor, had been tossed in and out of jail for various minor infractions his entire tenure as publisher/editor, and, more often than not, had printed the week’s issue while wearing handcuffs, under the watchful eye of the Northwest Mounted Police officer who regularly patrolled the area. Now Jayne had never actually used the antique press herself, but Bob had shown her how it worked one time before they had it moved to the museum, and she could not imagine how anyone could have operated it while shackled in a pair of handcuffs!
Not to be outdone, another early publisher/editor had very successfully operated an illegal still out of the back of the office, where Jayne’s living quarters were now, making considerably more on his illegal activities than his legal ones, and ensuring a healthy bank account for the continuation of the newspaper for a number of years. Come to think of it, Jayne was sure that particular one was an ancestor of Mayor Abner.
Yet another publisher had distinguished himself as Humble’s resident Casanova, and was constantly getting visited by very irate husbands or fathers, and was rumoured to have fathered a large number of the babies born during his time at the paper, if not all of them! That was the last big baby boom the community had seen.
Even the “saintly” Bob, as Gertie wanted to portray him, was not as upstanding as some people thought. Jayne knew that Bob had had a gambling problem, and had on a number of occasions almost lost the paper in a poker game. It was only the kind-heartedness of those he played with that allowed him to save face and hang onto the paper.
So compared to her predecessors, Jayne was pretty darn boring, even with her unconventional upbringing, and recent events, notwithstanding.
“...furthermore, I’ve always said…”
“Gertie, I’ll draft the notice right now and you can come down in 10 minutes to look it over,” Jayne managed to interrupt. She rolled her eyes at Steph, who was shaking her head wildly, before turning her back on everyone and grabbing a pen, “Now, could you please describe your casserole dish in minute detail so we can have the most accurate description possible to ensure its return to you?”
“Well...I never!”
Jayne bit her tongue with difficulty. No need to antagonize the witch further, especially since she’d just invited her to show up in person to terrorize them all.
“Distinguishing marks? Is your name on it?”
“You know quite well it’s a blue square Corningware casserole dish with my name on the bottom and a chip out of the right handle.”
“Thanks...I’ll get right on this...and I’ll see you in 10 minutes...Hmmm, she hung up on me, and didn’t even say thank you...guess the honeymoon is over, or maybe Rodney has left her?”
“Someone sure got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Steph turned to the next page in her notepad and took a deep breath, “Frank called and is upset that his ad wasn’t in the last edition...and he’s claiming he didn’t get any of our messages...I told him how many I, myself, left, and that I knew you’d also tried to contact him, and he’s threatening to completely pull his ad unless you offer him some compensation for the missed ad...the principal wants to know if you want to publish the exam results, or does that now violate some privacy rule...I said I was pretty sure you didn’t want them as it did violate privacy...Mr. Simpson told me to tell you not to get any ideas about hitchin’ him up with anyone in Humble or anywhere else in this planet…Hannah needs a bunch of flyers made up and printed for the Museum Open House and rather than do them herself, wondered if we could...I quoted her the price we agreed on last time and she’ll get back to us...a few of the folks asking about the funeral mass said they appreciated the thoughtful way you handled the whole situation, and that publishing Todd’s story in the paper was the perfect touch and a wonderful memorial...three people thought publishing the grad photo - as Todd was in it - was in poor taste and I told them I thought it was a better way to remember him…Pastor Glynn invited you to the prayer vigil tonight...I’m not exactly sure what the vigil is for as he didn’t say and it didn’t seem to have anything to do with Todd’s funeral tomorrow...Rev. Brown phoned to say he would drop off his sermon notes later than usual as he wants to wait till after the funeral and things settle down a bit...he also wondered if you’d put a notice up in the window that people can donate items to Todd’s parents and leave them at the church for now...Peter has something to discuss with you...the Mayor is threatening to have you thrown in jail for who-knows-what now, and the Sergeant threatened to throw him in jail if he doesn’t back off,” Steph turned the page and took another deep breath, “The Quilt gals - I guess with the exception of Gertie - invited you to their next bee as they want to do something special in the paper to thank whomever did their new room and they are just tickled pink and excited to use it…Patty had to take off, but said she’d be back before we close today...mom and dad want you to go out to the farm tonight instead of staying in town...I told them I’d tell you but not to hold their breath...don’t glare at me, Danny Boy,” Steph stuck her tongue out at Dan before continuing her recital, “Drat...I lost my spot…”
Jayne looked up from the page she was drafting Gertie’s notice on. Finished and with time to spare. Though, knowing Gertie, it was a wonder she hadn’t stormed in to the office already. And while she had been listening, okay truthfully half-listening, to Steph rattle off the messages, she knew they were all written down and she could get to any that did need addressed at another time. She also wanted to get over to talk to Siegfried and Roy before she forgot, and, she knew there was something else she needed to remember. And, Jayne sighed, there was still the dark thundercloud leaning against her office wall to deal with, and what to do about the wedding that Hilda was planning. If she only knew exactly how much Dan knew about it, and what his feelings about it were.
Jayne longed for the days back when the worst thing she had to deal with in an entire MONTH was the Mayor’s antics in council.
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
(August 17, 2018 )
September 7, 2018 )
September 21, 2018 )
November 2, 2018 )
November 16, 2018 )
December 7, 2018 )
December 21, 2018 )
January 4, 2019 )
January 18, 2019 )
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, it’s a sunny morning and how may I help you?” Steph’s eyes popped wide open, she dropped her notebook and pen, and barely held onto the phone, “Uh, well, uh, yes, Jayne is here at the moment...uh, I really don’t think now is a good time for that...I do understand that you are dealing with a lot of details, but…yes, I’m sure it could become a logistic nightmare if left on its own, but...No, I’ve never had the honour actually, but I’m sure that it wouldn’t hurt if you waited another day or two before you...Um, no, actually he’s here too...I wouldn’t know, and this really isn’t a good time to ask...” Steph’s gaze rapidly ping-ponged between Jayne and Dan, “No, it’s nothing like that...I really think you should call back another time as things are quite hectic around here right now with the fire last night and…”
Jayne had a feeling she knew exactly who was on the line, and, despite Steph’s dodging motions, she was able to wrestle the phone away from her.
“Jayne here.”
“Oh, Jayne...isn’t this SO exciting?! I can hardly WAIT for your big day. You and that young Daniel will make the MOST handsome bridal couple Humble has ever seen, including myself and my Honey, and as you know, we WERE crowned the Bridal Couple of Humble the year we got married, and we beat SIX other couples that year to win...we still have our crowns and wear them EVERY year on our anniversary...it’s too bad they don’t have that award anymore as it was certainly a PRESTIGIOUS honour, though I’m sure we could get it reinstated with no trouble at all, and it would be PERFECT if you and young Daniel were the newest recipients, and it would be wonderful to welcome you two into our alumni, we could certainly use some youthfulness at our gatherings as those of us who are left are, I must admit, getting on in years, but don’t let the others know I said that. I’ll have to remember to write a letter to Council so they can address it at the next meeting, as there isn’t a lot of time to get the ball rolling…”
“Hilda…”
“Now, I want you to know that you are under NO financial obligation to me at all. I’m more than THRILLED to step into the Mother-of-the-Bride role and help you out with ALL the wedding decisions and details. You can leave it ALL to me and just relax. There is NOTHING worse, in my mind, than a poor bride so frazzled and stressed from needlessly shouldering the burden of ALL the wedding preparations that she can’t glow and enjoy her special day, don’t you agree, I just knew you’d see it my way, so don’t worry about a thing, EVERY detail from the largest to the smallest will get my close PERSONAL attention…”
“Hilda…”
“And I’m sure Vera will be relieved to have me handle everything as she sure has her hands full with the farm and all those men. HOW she does it, I’ll never know, but she seems to manage somehow, bless her soul. You’d NEVER catch me being a farmer’s wife, Oh no, way too much WORK and, quite frankly, drudgery for me, and no time for FUN. But, be that as it may, Vera seems to enjoy it, though, why is BEYOND me as she has no time for herself, poor gal. Sunrise to sunset she slaves away, poor thing, and can’t even sleep in, or pamper herself, it’s a shame really, and I guess that was why Sue eloped as she did, guess she knew she wouldn’t be able to get much help from her mother. It’s a shame, a real shame, so I don’t see Vera being upset, and she will still have a role, albeit a smaller one, as she is the mother of the groom. Besides, it isn’t like you are really her daughter, after all. We wouldn’t be able to have this wedding if that was the case, now could we?”
“Hilda!”
“I just phoned to let you know that everything is under control, and there is NOTHING you need to worry about. The invitations have been sent, the church is booked and Rev. Brown and I have put together the PERFECT service for you two young love birds, just WAIT till you hear the hymns we chose, oh they will STIR your heart and soul, I DOUBT there will be a dry eye in the church, but I suspect there won’t be anyway, we’ve all been waiting SO LONG for this wedding. I also measured the sanctuary and we can easily fit your twelve attendants, and Daniel’s twelve, Oh you will all look like a beautiful flower GARDEN at the front, though I still have to figure out what to do about your hair as it isn’t exactly what one pictures in a Medieval setting, unlike Monique who’s hair is PERFECT. A wig can be too unpredictable, but I’m not sure hair extensions are the way to go as you have such UNUSUAL hair, maybe if we straighten your hair? Well, I told the hair technician all about it and she said she could work a MIRACLE no matter which way we go…”
“Hilda!!”
“I also have the reception venue booked and a decorating committee gathered. Oh, your colours are just DIVINE, simply divine! I found an honest-to-goodness minstrel, and even a Medieval re-enactment troupe who are willing to come for the dinner and evening entertainment. That was a stroke of luck, I must say, and I’m CERTAINLY proud of myself for that one. They are even willing to come early to give you and Daniel dancing lessons so you won’t embarrass yourselves when you take your first minuet - is the minuet Medieval or is it a different dance - oh well, no matter, they said they’d teach you two the steps of whatever dance it is. Oh, I simply can’t WAIT to see you two glide around the dance floor as husband and wife, I couldn't be more THRILLED than if you were my daughter and Daniel my son - though, you couldn’t both be my children, or we wouldn’t be able to have the wedding, now could we? As soon as the RSVPs are all returned I’ll be able to let the caterer know the final numbers. I was so FORTUNATE to find a caterer who is willing to do an authentic Medieval feast on such short notice. AND, you’ll NEVER guess what else I found, oh, I can’t keep it a secret, I simply MUST tell you, I have a jousting group coming to host an ENTIRE Medieval tournament that day, oh it is going to be such an EXCITING day…”
“HILDA!!!!”
“I’ve been assured that the HUNDRED pure white doves will be on hand and ready to release over the audience at the EXACT moment of your first kiss as husband and wife. Oh, there is nothing in this world more THRILLING to see than the first kiss between a newly married couple. And, I’ve ALWAYS said that you can tell who will have the longest and happiest marriage based on that ONE kiss. Of ALL the wedding kisses I’ve seen, I’ve predicted, if I may say with modesty, the state of the marriage with 100% ACCURACY…”
Jayne collapsed numbly into the nearest chair. This had gone WAY BEYOND a joke now. TWENTY-FOUR attendants? A HAIR technician? Minuets? Jousting? Authentic Medieval feast? What did THAT entail? And how would they know it really was authentic? And how would a caterer feed TWELVE HUNDRED guests? Are all these extra people part of the guest list, or are they over and above all the guests? WHERE would they fit all these people? And, most important, WHO was going to pay for all this? Jayne knew darn well that Hilda didn’t plan on footing the bill as she always left that completely to others in her previous escapades. Also, Jayne was super-happy Hilda WASN’T her mother, because she could imagine the situation would be hundreds, if not thousands, no MILLIONS of times worse if Hilda truly WAS the mother of the bride. In fact, if Jayne and Dan really were getting married, and it was doubtful he’d EVER ask her now, Jayne could see that they would have NO choice but to elope, just to avoid all the insanity. How on earth was she going to tell anyone, let alone Dan, what Hilda was planning? How to stop it all?
( Jayne realized that Hilda was still talking, and that she had missed hearing some horrible, no vital, details. Though the date of this monstrosity didn’t seem to be one of those vital details Hilda was divulging. Jayne couldn’t avoid the wedding if she didn’t even know when it was.
“...and I’ll be by around noon tomorrow to pick you up for your dress fitting...oh it is the most BEAUTIFUL dress, if I do say so myself, EXACTLY the dress that EVERY bride should wear on her special day, and you are going to look absolutely…”
“NO!” Jayne watched both Steph and Dan visibly jump when she screamed. That was the only reaction they’d shown thus far, though Steph had been shooting Jayne sympathetic looks, and Dan had stopped glowering and appeared too curious for Jayne’s peace of mind.
“I’m sorry, Jayne, did you...did you just say...‘no?’” Hilda sounded like she’d never even heard the word before, and she probably hadn’t, though Jayne was sure others had uttered it to her, whether they were able to get a word in edgewise, or not.
“I can’t go for a dress fitting tomorrow as it’s Todd’s funeral Mass and…”
“Oh, how forgetful of me. Of COURSE, it is. Yes, Dear, you attend the service, and I’ll just have that nice bridal consultant at the shop try on the dress...you two are PRACTICALLY the same size...this will actually work out BETTER, as I didn’t really want you to see the dress until it had been COMPLETELY embellished, it can so often be hard to imagine a finished project when you see it in the awkward middle stages, as I’m sure you can agree as it wouldn’t be much different with the process you use to compile each issue...but I can’t WAIT for you to see the dress...OH, you are going to just SPARKLE beside Young Dan...I’ve NEVER been a fan of these plain Jane type dresses with NARY a bead or a sequin, or EVEN a BOW, on them...the poor gals who are forced to wear them have no HOPE of outshining anyone, and if there is ONE day a bride NEEDS to outshine the other women around her, it’s CERTAINLY on her wedding day, don’t you agree, well, of COURSE you do...now that we have that settled, I can also reassure you that I had your headpiece SPECIALLY commissioned...I originally was going with a replica Royal tiara, the one Her Majesty wore on HER wedding day, but I realized that just WOULDN’T be enough of a statement, after all, what is your wedding day, but the ONE day when a woman can be as LOUD and PROUD as she wants before she has to start hiding her light…”
If this was an example of Hilda hiding her light, Jayne shuddered at the thought of what an outgoing and outspoken Hilda would be like.
“...I assured them that there was NO budget limit so they really pulled out ALL the stops!...You are going to be AMAZED, simply AMAZED, at their talent…”
Jayne almost choked. NO BUDGET LIMIT!? WHO was paying for all this? She knew there wasn’t much left in the anonymous charity fund as she’d spent most of it on the recent hall renovations. This was beyond a nightmare now.
“...and Steph said that Young Dan was there too...put him on the line, please, I really MUST discuss the rings with him - now there is another area where too many couples skimp when they should toss out all spending limits - the rings are an enduing symbol of your LOVE and as such should be something that people can easily SEE, without having to use a magnifying glass or a microscope... and we must discuss his suit of armour rental as time is running out if we want to beat the summer rush...oh, I believe he rides, doesn’t he, I wonder if he would like to participate in the jousting tournament...though, it would look a bit funny if the Prince of Honour DIDN’T participate so I suppose he MUST, or lose face with everyone, and we DON’T want him to lose face, especially on your WEDDING day...oh, it will be SO PRECIOUS to see you tie your scarf on his lance before he rides out...this is going to be the most ROMANTIC wedding Humble has ever seen, and I’m not ashamed to say it will even top my own lovely wedding, though had these options be available to us back then, ours would have been a LOT more than it was...but, be that as it may, we still DID win the Bridal Couple of Humble, though, truth be told, and I can tell YOU, in strictest confidence, it really wasn’t much of a contest as the other six couples we beat had the DULLEST, plainest weddings you ever saw...it BROKE my heart to see those POOR gals having to get married in such DISMAL circumstances, and it’s really NO surprise to me at all that Gertie’s marriage didn’t last longer than it did, though I was able to tell by their kiss that it was DESTINED to fail from the start, their lips DIDN’T even meet so, really, anyone in the audience could have made that call, of course by then it was TOO LATE to call it off...at least you, and Young Dan, will be able to hold your heads high and KNOW that you are winners of the Bridal Couple of Humble award, even if we can’t get it reinstated, though I don’t see WHY we shouldn’t be able to, and the Mayor DID promise me that he would do me a favour in short order, he is my favourite nephew after all…”
Okay, that was news to Jayne. She was still finding out, even after all her years in Humble, different family relationships. Somehow finding out that Hilda and Abner were related didn’t surprise as much as it probably should have, as they both had a talent for making her life miserable. And, Gertie got married the same year as Hilda? That’s a connection Jayne had missed earlier too.
“...any way, time is ticking so I guess I better chat with Young Dan, and let you get back to work.”
“He’s not here...he left.” Jayne looked at Dan, who was still leaning against the wall, and didn’t even feel the slightest twinge of guilt as she blatantly lied, “And he didn’t tell me where he was going, so I can’t help you. Sorry.”
“That’s too bad. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll catch him later. If you happen to see him again, silly me, of COURSE you’ll see him, please have him call me.”
“I’ll be sure and let him know...Goodbye.” Jayne hung up and dropped the phone on the desk.
“So what was that all about?” Steph picked up the phone and turned it off.
“I’m doomed! My life is over! I need to leave here under the cover of darkness!” Jayne slumped lower in her chair.
“It can’t be that bad.”
“No, it’s much, much, MUCH worse than just bad. It’s catastrophic. No, worse, it’s cataclysmic...no, it’s...what’s worse than cataclysmic?”
Dan pushed himself off the wall and straddled a chair, “Running away isn’t going to stop Hilda. She’ll just hunt you down.”
“She will? Oh, what am I saying, of course, she will. I’m doomed!” Jayne dropped her head into her hands.
“You might as well tell us, because you can bet that Hilda won’t keep it a secret.”
Jayne shuddered, there was no putting it off any more. “She’s planning what she calls an authentic Medieval wedding with twelve hundred guests and twenty-four attendants, and she has hired minstrels and jousters and she’s telling all the vendors that there is no budget limit.”
“Oh...MY!” Steph dropped back into her chair, but as she was so stunned. and not paying attention, she missed and landed on the floor. “What are you going to do?”
“Run away…”
“No, you’re not going to run away. You aren’t a coward. Take a deep breath...”
( Jayne glared at Dan. She didn’t want to breathe. Heck, she didn’t want to calm down either. She was angry, and scared, truth be told, and nothing short of stopping Hilda would make the situation any better. Dan may be her unwitting partner in this catastrophe, but he sure didn’t look like his life was ending. In fact, he looked like he was almost smiling. What did he have to smile about? There was NOTHING to smile about here. Nothing at all. Especially since HER life was ending, and her ONLY option was to leave town. And better to leave secretly before she was totally disgraced and humiliated in front of everyone.
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND…”
“Come on...take a deep breath...inhale...Jaynelle!...and exhale.”
“She really said there is no budget limit?” Steph dropped back onto the floor, “Okay, that’s a new one, even for Hilda.”
“Has anyone actually seen one of the invitations? I don’t even know when this wedding is to take place,” Jayne started pacing.
“I haven’t seen one, and Mom said they didn’t get one yet, and if they were mailed already, there should have been one in our box,” Steph moved her foot so Jayne didn’t step on it.
“How can I avoid this if I don’t know when it is...Oh, who cares when it is, I have to stop this...How do I stop Hilda?...She’s unstoppable...she’s a menace to society...she’s...she’s…”
Dan caught Jayne’s arm and swung her to a stop. “Take it easy...you just have to be more creative, or devious, than Hilda...stop worrying and start thinking of ways to get back at her.”
“I’ll tar and feather her!...How much does a vat of tar cost?...And it would fit the theme of the wedding...Or I could have her drawn and quartered...That would fit the theme too...What else did they do back then?”
“Public flogging and locking people in the stocks…” Steph started ticking items off on her fingers, “Though, I’d have to look up Medieval punishments and tortures to be sure.”
“We could use her for the archery target at the tournament...Wait, I can’t remember if she said they were having archery.”
Dan chuckled, “I was thinking of a less bloody revenge.”
“How can you laugh? My life is RUINED I tell you,” Jayne slumped back into her chair, “I’ll be the laughing stock of Humble when word gets out...Oh My Gosh, what if everyone already knows?”
“Relax, they can’t know or they’d be flooding in here, or trying to phone.”
“Tell me the truth, has Hilda done this to ANYONE else before?”
“Not that I can remember...Short Stuff?”
“I don’t think so. This is even topping the worst Wilson Twins stunt!”
“What if Gertie finds out about this? She is just looking for an excuse to get rid of me, and this would be the perfect opportunity for her. I do have to leave town...right NOW!”
“Now, that would be playing right into Gertie’s hand. You know, you could just go along with it…”
Jayne’s jaw dropped. Did she really just hear Dan say that she could go along with all this? Did that mean HE wanted to go along with it? And if she did, and he didn’t, who on earth would she end up married to? Did he WANT to marry HER?
“I should go along with an over-the top Medieval wedding?”
“I just think that…”
“A Medieval wedding? Who’s having a Medieval wedding? I’ve always dreamed of having a Medieval-themed wedding with knights in shining armour and maidens in long flowing dresses.”
(October 5, 2018 )
“MacDuff!...You’re back!” Steph scrambled to her feet, before being enveloped in a bone-crushing bear hug.
Despite her mental angst, Jayne couldn’t keep a smile off her face as Dan, who wasn’t by any means tiny, seemed to disappear when he esd hugged next.
MacDuff, to put it politely, was considered by the older residents to be Humble’s misfit, loveable to nth degree, but a misfit all the same. To the younger members of the community, he was a local celebrity and Santa Claus all rolled into one larger-than-life persona. Jayne had tried for years to discover MacDuff’s real name, but that was one tidbit of information that had thus far eluded her. As a teen, MacDuff had left Humble for greener pastures and ended up appearing in a small-time production of Shakespeare’s “MacBeth,” playing, who else, but MacDuff. But what amazed everyone who knew him, was that he had fallen head over heels for his co-star who played the title role. And if there was ever a case of opposites attracting MacDuff and MacBeth were a prime example. Where MacDuff was over 6’6” and closer to 300 lbs than he cared to admit, MacBeth was barely 5’ and probably was 100 lbs soaking wet. MacDuff loved anything theatrical, and more often than not was dressed like he was playing a Shakespearean role, whereas MacBeth was always, ALWAYS, dressed to the nines in a three-piece suit with shoes polished so shiny you could literally use them as a mirror, unless he was on stage acting. MacDuff had a booming voice and a deep hearty laugh, while MacBeth was more on the quiet, REALLY quiet, side unless he was on the stage. In spite, of these, and too many other differences to list, the two of them complemented each other, both on and off the stage.
When Jayne met them for the first time she couldn’t imagine HOW they had gotten together as they seemed to have nothing in common, except acting, but now she couldn’t imagine them with any other partner, and, if Dan ever loved her even half as much as those two loved each other, she’d be one blessed woman.
“...Stratford-on-Avon was a riot, and the season has barely begun...We have to go back, of course, but MacBeth wanted to be home for his birthday, and...well, you know me, I just couldn’t say no...so here we are. We just got into town...I dropped MacBeth off at the house...he said he had to freshen up before venturing into the public...poor Dear was positively WILTED...you know how he HATES to travel...I tell him that if he wants to get from Point A to Point B he has to deal with a little traffic now and then...but, enough about us...you MUST tell me all the local news, and ESPECIALLY about this Medieval wedding?...Who’s getting married?...Am I invited?...Oh, please, please, please let me be invited.”
Jayne laughed as she took her turn getting hugged.
“You aren't going to believe everything you’ve missed these past two weeks, but shouldn’t we wait for MacBeth?”
“I suppose we should...but isn’t there just one juicy little piece of local gossip you could share so I can gloat that I knew it first? Please, have a heart and help me out.”
“Don’t flutter your eyelashes at me! It is so unfair that men have better hair and eyelashes.”
“What can I say, God created us to be more beautiful...Careful,” MacDuff ducked his head to avoid the newspaper Steph playfully tossed his way, “remember, my head is famous.”
“Shameless, you mean,” Dan slapped MacDuff on the back and handed him a chair.
(October 19, 2018 )
Suddenly Gertie burst into the office, only to stop as sharply as if she’d suddenly slammed into a brick wall. Jayne picked up the copy of the ad, but MacDuff beat her to claiming Gertie’s hand.
“Why, if it isn’t the loveliest belle in all of Humble,” MacDuff bowed low and kissed the back of Gertie’s hand, ignoring her very-obvious attempts to get away from him. “I believe you grow more beautiful and fair with each passing day, m’lady.”
“Stop this foolishness at once, and give me back my hand, you...you…”
“MacDuff, did you know that Gertie is the new Mrs. Hickson?”
“Really?! My sincere felicitations to you. How is Mr. Hickson these day? All the better now, I imagine. Did you hold the wedding here in Humble? I don’t recall hearing that nuptials were in the works when I was last home? And you know how I just LOVE attending weddings.”
“It was a whirlwind romance, complete with a ceremony in Vegas.” Jayne handed the ad across to Steph and tried to subtly motion her to go outside with Gertie.
“Ooooooh! Vegas! MacBeth and I just LOVE Vegas. Which Chapel did you get married in? Tell me ALL the details...the flowers, the music, what you wore...”
Gertie was still trying, unsuccessfully to remove her hand from MacDuff’s grasp, as Steph took her other arm to try and lead her outside. Jayne was sure that there would be an all-out tug-of-war any moment, and a quick glance at Dan, who was attempting to look studious, with a hand under his chin, yet at the ready to cover his mouth if he started laughing, showed that he would be no help if the situation escalated, which with Jayne’s luck could happen any moment.
“What’s this about Vegas? Are you sharing secrets with me again? Really, MacDuff, can’t I leave you for a single moment?”
Jayne stifled a moan. Why did the town’s most dramatic, or rather painfully awkward, moments always seem to happen in her office? While she knew Gertie would never SAY anything bad against MacDuff, or MacBeth , IN
“The kids were just telling me that Gertie, here, and Hickson wed recently in Vegas.”
“Oh, how delightful, and please convey my congratulations to you both to your esteemed husband.” And with that, MacBeth took possession of Gertie’s other hand, and planted a kiss on the back. “He certainly got the best end of the deal, as they say.”
“Excuse me, but Gertie and I have newspaper business we need to get to...Besides, Dan and Jayne were going to tell you about the Medieval wedding,” Steph managed to retrieve Gertie’s hands and gently steer her around MacBeth and outside.
“A Medieval wedding? MacDuff and I have dreamed of having a Medieval-themed wedding...haven’t we?” Both men settled into the chairs Dan brought forward for them.
“We have...we renew our vows each anniversary and so far, for themes, we’ve done a western one, a Scottish theme…”
“The haggis was a hit at that one…”
“...a Greek theme, a 1920s theme, Midsummer’s Night theme…”
“That’s my favourite so far…”
“Rocky Horror Picture Show theme…”
“...I could not believe how uncomfortable the costumes were…” MacBeth shuddered, “even if it was a cult classic.”
( “...of course, we did an Elvis-Vegas theme and we looked so dashing, if I say so myself, as I was the mature Elvis and MacBeth dressed as the younger Elvis...plus, we did my favourite thus far, a Wizard of Oz theme…”
“I got to hold Toto for that one.”
“Now, a Medieval theme...we dream, yet alas, the dream has been so elusive. Every year we try, but something always, and I mean ALWAYS, has prevented us from doing it...the first year it was the cancellation of the jousters, and the double-booking of our venue...the next year the caterer was shut down for food poisoning a group of dignitaries from...oh, where were they from again?”
“Japan ? Malaysia ?”
Jayne got up to boil some water as this looked like it would be a long visit. She placed mugs in front of everyone before sitting down again.
“Another year the staging and backdrops we rented went missing in transit...TOTALLY missing...in fact, they still have never been found…”
MacBeth started humming the ‘Twilight Zone’ theme music.
“The year after that was the actors’ strike and we couldn’t get anyone to provide the entertainment, or attend, for that matter…”
“Was that the year that the doves were all rented out?”
“Oh, no...that was the year there was not a balloon to be found in all of Canada...don’t laugh, kiddos, I swear it’s true...we needed balloons for another project we were involved in, and no matter where we looked, or tried to order them, no one had any in stock.”
“And then there was the year the postal strike resulted in all our costumes being held up in some sorting warehouse, and due to the extreme backlog there was no way we could get them in time…”
“Another year, we, and all our special guests, mysteriously came down with the flu, all at the same time, the night before…”
“We had to do a last-minute change and decided to go with an ‘ER’ theme, or did we do ‘Grey’s Anatomy?’”
“No matter, I’m just glad that one is a distant memory.”
“Now...don’t keep us in suspense any longer...who is the lucky couple who is going to be having our dream wedding, and, more important, can you get us on the guest list?”
Steph walked in the door, “Gertie has decided not to run the notice, because, according to her, the entire TONE of the newspaper has reached a new all-time low, and there is no way she can support it further, in good conscience and Bob’s esteemed memory,” Steph rolled her eyes, “and I’m to tell you that you can be sure that she WILL make a point of telling everyone, EVERYONE, in town to follow her principled action and boycott you immediately.”
“Whoa, she really did get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” Dan tipped his chair back, “that has probably been the shortest honeymoon on record...for Humble at least.”
“When did they wed?”
“Tuesday.”
“This week? Two days ago?”
Jayne poured water into the mugs. “Yes, and just yesterday, a mere 24 hours ago, she was thrilled with the paper and couldn’t say enough about it. Though, realistically I knew it couldn’t last, and now she’s back to normal.”
“Hmmm, does that mean we don’t need to worry about Hilda taking over for Gertie?” Steph grabbed a mug and sat on top of the desk.
MacDuff shuddered, “Please don't mention that name.”
( “Remember when Hilda decided to sew all the costumes for the school Christmas play and we ALL ended up looking like identical sacks of potatoes?” Dan nudged MacDuff’s shoulder.
“I believe that is because she USED potato sacks, m’boy.”
“Or the time she took over the community Halloween party and everyone who bit into a caramel apple got their teeth stuck and we had to get the paramedics to get a dentist do an emergency visit to Humble to help them as they couldn’t close their mouths? Those poor kids...” Steph shook her head as the others, except Jayne and MacBeth as they weren’t in Humble then, shuddered together.
“Poor kids...what about us poor adults?” MacBeth patted MacDuff’s shoulder.
“His teeth have never been the same since then.”
“Do you remember when she was put in charge of the live outdoor nativity?”
“Wait...Humble had a live nativity?” Jayne was surprised she hadn’t heard of that.
“Only for one year, and the community vowed never again as long as Hilda was around.”
“What happened?” Even MacBeth looked interested.
“What didn’t happen! The cow almost took a bite out of the live baby in the manger as it was eating...the donkey was tied to the shed and almost pulled it down when it tried to get away one night...Hilda refused to let the people wear winter clothing with their costumes and one night it was –40 with the windchill and she INSISTED they be outside and when they lit a fire to keep warm - remember there was a real baby, not a doll - the bales all caught on fire…”
“Oh my!”
“Thankfully, the fire department was in the process of ‘rescuing’ them from the cold when the fire started so they were able to put it out without any damage to any of the buildings on the street.”
“What about when she thought we should have a zip-line down main street for the annual parade, and then it turned out she didn’t even know what it was? I thought the mayor was going to have a heart attack right in council chambers over that one. Old Bob sure got a kick out that and played it for all it was worth. I think that’s when we first started calling her Witch Hilda.” Jayne wasn’t sure if MacDuff was still shuddering or shaking with silent laughter. “She is a menace. She even offered to plan my parents’ 25th Anniversary, and her ideas were SO OUTLANDISH and not at all reflective of my parents that we all had to put our foot - or is it feet? - down to stop her. Please don’t break my heart and tell me she is mixed up in this dream wedding of mine?”
Steph leaned in, “She’s planning a HUGE Medieval wedding for Dan and Jayne...we know a lot of details, and yes, it is over the top, but we don’t know the exact date yet, or who is paying for it all.”
“Congratulations! You’re FINALLY getting married...did you hear that, they’re getting married, MacBeth!...you owe me $100!...just a small side bet we had between the two of us…” Jayne saw MacBeth shaking Dan’s hand just before MacDuff got up to squeeze the breath out of her.
“Well, if it is you two, I won’t begrudge you my dream wedding. Am I invited? Can you get me on the guest list? Oh, this will be SO EXCITING, won’t it MacBeth...our very own Dan and Jayne getting married...are you riding in on horseback? I better the ol’ Witch never thought of that detail.”
( “Oh, that would be so beautiful...can’t you just picture it...a reverent hush over the audience, Dan nervously waiting at the end of the aisle, as Jayne appears in her flowing white bridal gown, through a flowered archway, on the back of a snow-white horse…”
“...With a blanket of deep red roses…”
“...And a tiara of matching miniature roses over her gossamer veil...a long trailing veil would be best, I think, even if it covers some of the blanket of roses...what do you think?”
“Definitely a long veil...and the horse MUST have a tail and mane to the ground…”
“Of course!...Oh, do we still have the unicorn horn from that party two or three years ago?”
“OH MY...YES!...that would be the PERFECT touch...the lovely virgin bride...don’t worry, I’m not going to ask if you still are a virgin, dear,” MacDuff laughed and gave her another bear hug, “...capturing and taming the elusive unicorn…”
“Before riding towards her one and only true love…” Both men sighed deeply, and then gazed at Jayne and Dan fondly.
Jayne could not believe, okay, that’s not true, she could TOTALLY believe those two actors making such a dramatic spectacle, but she could not believe that Dan seemed to be going along with their outlandish plans, or at least he wasn’t stopping them.
“No horse, no unicorn, no flowers, and NO wedding!” Jayne was tempted, but didn’t stamp her foot.
“Oh dear, did you two have a fight?” MacDuff wrapped his arm around Jayne, “don’t worry, these are never as bad as they seem, just little growing pains as you get to know each other better, and remember, it’s so much fun to make up.”
“Maybe it’s jitters...isn’t that something that most brides have?”
“Jaynelle has been under a bit of stress lately.” Jayne was sure she saw Dan wink - yes, WINK - at MacBeth. “She was the target of an attacker who is still on the loose, and her father showed up too.”
“He dared show his face in Humble? Where is he now?”
MacDuff scrutinized Jayne, “I had noticed some of your, shall we say, technicolour embellishments...are you okay?
Dan replied to MacBeth, “As far as we know he’s still in police custody,” as Jayne replied to MacDuff, “I’m fine.”
“So what did you do? Publish an expose on a mobster?”
“I know, I know...she discovered a hidden plot to blow up Humble and she revealed it, am I right?”
Jayne shuddered, that guess was a wee bit too close to the truth.
“Don’t be silly, who would want to blow up Humble? Though, the community has been in the news quite a bit lately, one of the reasons we came home…suspicious deaths, attacks, and now this fire Mrs. T told us about when we stopped there for tea…what is this world coming to?”
Dan leaned back against the wall, “It seems that Jayne is connected to a possible crime, or something of that nature, that her parents were involved in years ago.”
“How such nasty folk, no offence, Dear, had such a precious jewel of a daughter is beyond me.”
Dan continued, “Ever hear of a Jasper Winterbloom?”
MadDuff straighten up to his full height, “Jasper is involved in this? That snivelling parasite is pestering our Jayne?”
“He provided some of those technicolour embellishments, as you called them.”
( “You poor dear,” before Jayne could blink, MacBeth was giving her a bear hug, and MacDuff had placed both of them behind himself as he drew up to his full height while facing the door, as if to challenge an attack from that direction.
“Just let that snivelling cur try again...he’ll have to get through me first!”
“He’s still on the loose...we’re not sure, but we also suspect that he has been projecting rock missiles at the office here, as well as other recent crimes.”
“That doesn't really sound like Jasper...he’s too scared to even look at his own shadow. Wonder what pulled him out of his cave?”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, the sun is shining, how may I help you?” Steph leaned back and grabbed for her notebook and pen, “Uh, no...the fire has not been determined to be arson...no, the whole block didn’t burn up, the other homes were all saved...I’m pretty sure we don’t have a serial arsonist on the loose and that you and your house are safe...no, no one has seen Todd’s parents today...If I do, I’ll be sure and let them know...thank you for your concern...Goodbye.”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, the sun is shining, how may I help you?...yes, the fire has been put out...no, no one witnessed anyone suspicious at the scene...I’m pretty sure your house will not be targeted next…if you are concerned, why not phone the RCMP...you’re welcome.”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, the sun is shining, how may I help you?” Steph rolled her eyes, “No, no one has been arrested in connection with the fire...it is still being investigated...no, the grad class was NOT having a party in the house…yes, I’m sure Jayne will have an update in the paper once the investigation is complete...no, she wasn’t at the scene, nor has she had a chance to visit it yet...a few of us were here at the office at the time...yes, I can totally vouch for her whereabouts at the time of the fire,” Steph stuck her tongue out at the phone, “I’m sure if Jayne or Monique are suspects, the police will be looking into that very thoroughly...No, neither of them are dating Constable Mark so I’m sure there will be no compromising of the investigation...Mark isn’t the only officer so I doubt they will need to pull in any of the city cops to take over...yes, I’ll let her know...thanks for calling.”
“The conspiracy theories are a little slow coming this time round?”
“Well, Jayne, you are right at the heart of this one...apparently you started the fire for Monique as payback for Todd totally her car.”
“WHAT?!!?!?” Even Dan looked stunned at that one.
“And they said to tell you that they really enjoyed your last editorial and hope that you will continue writing even when you’re in jail.”
MacDuff growled, “What lame-brained nitwit said that?”
“Hannah, but I don’t think it was coming from her - well, except for liking the editorial - it was like she was reading off a list of questions someone else had given her.”
“Sounds like Gertie trying to stir up a hornet’s nest. You’d think she was too busy being married to spend time slinging mud at others.”
“Speaking of married, isn’t that the bridegroom heading towards the restaurant?” MacDuff peeked out of the front door, “Yep, it’s him...what do you say we all head over for lunch...yes, it’s close enough to noon...we can use the occasion to toast Dan and Jayne’s upcoming nuptials, and do a little sleuthing as to the state of Gertie’s union at the same time.”
( RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, Jayne speaking.”
“Jayne, I think you might want to get out of there ASAP!”
Jayne looked out the front window to see if Monique was visible from the library or apartment, but didn’t see her, nor did she see anything unusual happening on the street, “Why?...What’s up?”
“Rumours of a lynch mob, that’s what! Someone is getting everyone stirred up by claiming that you are in cahoots - don’t blame me, you know I wouldn’t willingly use that word unless it was necessary - with your parents and trying to destroy Humble, for who knows what reason...the Wilson Twins were just here and told me. Thank goodness they have some sense, such as it is, in their heads. You are being blamed for the fire AND the disappearance of Todd’s parents!”
“What?! How?! Why me? I haven’t done anything!”
“I know that...most of the town, if they stopped to use their brains, know that…I wonder if you’ve unearthed some Humble skeletons lately with some of our questioning and research into past events?”
Jayne plopped down into a chair, as the others all hesitated on their way to the door. Jayne waved them to go, but like spectators who didn’t want to miss the final potential goal in a losing hockey game, they all returned and gathered around her, squeezing in so they could listen to the call.
“I suppose it is possible, but weird things were happening before I started asking questions...which reminds me, did your PI friend find out anything.”
“Not yet, but he did warn me it might take a while….and he wondered how deep we want to go...I wonder if Jasper is behind this?”
“It wouldn’t surprise me as he’s been behind almost everything else….and he does seem tied to my parents somehow…Though, why me?...why aren’t they going after..after...Patty?....she’s not from here and seems to be showing up when these different events have been happening.” Jayne glared at Dan and Steph who were wildly shaking their heads.
“She has an alibi.”
“So do I!...and HER alibi is that she was with ME! So why is she innocent and I’m not??”
“Anyway, I really think you might want to get away from the office ASAP as the Wilson Twins said there is an angry mob headed that way...and we both know what happened the last time a ‘mob’ got their hands on you…”
“I’m not going to run away like I’m guilty…”
“How about running away like you want to save your skin from more colourful bruises?”
“Very funny...we’re on our way to the restaurant for lunch...want to join us?”
“I’ll meet you there.”
RRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG
“Good morning, Humble Beginnings, Jayne speaking.”
“Hello, dear, I don't want to alarm you, but I think it might be prudent for you to lie low for a few hours.”
“Hello, Mrs. T...what’s up?”
“There seems to be some discontent brewing towards you.”
“Word got out already that Gertie’s boycotting the paper, again?”
“No, dear, this is a bit more serious. Is Mark still in town?”
“I’m not sure...he left here a few minutes ago...but he’s not on shift.”
“I just would feel better if you weren’t alone, that’s all, and there’s nothing like a strong man to make a girl feel protected.”
“Oh, in that case, no worries, Mrs. T...I’ve got MacBeth and MacDuff on one side of me, and Dan on the other.” Jayne elbowed each of them to give her a bit more space.
( Why did everyone all of a sudden want to listen in on her phone conversations?
“Have no fear, Fair Damsel, we will keep you safe.” MacDuff and MacBeth, with the dramatic flair that they were famously known for, stepped back and pretended to toss capes over their shoulders as they brandished imaginary swords and proceeded to have a mock sword fight.
“We’ll be the Three Muskateers…”
“All for one…”
“...and one for...ahem...young man, are you with us or not? We can’t be three without you.” MacBeth tapped Dan on his shoulder, though Dan seemed more intent on continuing to eavesdrop on the phone call.
“Well, dear, I won’t worry any more as I can tell you are certainly in good hands.” Mrs. T chuckled softly as she ended the call.
Jayne turned to get up out of the chair and collided with Dan’s very solid, very strong, very warm, oh-so-perfect-for-leaning-against chest.
“Oh?!” Jayne forgot what she was going to say next as Dan’s arms, which were as wonderful as his chest, encircled her.
“You will be careful...please?”
How was a gal supposed to resist when the guy of her dreams looked right into her eyes and said please? Granted he didn’t know he was the guy of her dreams, and there were a whole host of reasons why she couldn’t tell him, and they were in the middle of a crisis or three, but despite all that, she could not lie to herself about how perfectly wonderful it was to be held right now, and as Mrs. T had said, Jayne WAS currently in good hands, very good hands, perfectly wonderful good hands.
“I hate to break this up, but you two lovebirds have got to see this…”
Jayne was jolted out of her little fantasy by MacDuff’s booming voice. She allowed Dan to lead her to the front door. All of them managed to somehow squeeze into the small space, including Steph, so they could watch the activity at the end of main street.
“I couldn't believe it myself...maybe we’ve misjudged those two all these years?” An out-of-breath Monique arrived on their side of the street.
“Misjudged whom? Siegfried and , or the Wilson Twins?”
“Maybe both!”
Jayne watched in disbelief as the Wilson Twins, as well as the two seniors, stood behind a makeshift barricade, made from wooden pallets leaning against one of the tables from the restaurant, blocking the highway traffic, each man holding a Super Soaker type water gun which was aimed at something, or someone, the group of them couldn’t see as Smythers’ store blocked their view.
“What are they trying to do?”
“Is there a street fair we don’t know about?”
“Maybe someone is washing cars for a fundraiser at the garage?”
“I can’t see from here...we’re going to have to get closer.”
“Do you think they have any extra weapons so we can join in?”
“Ah...there’s good ol’ Smythers with reinforcements...we can’t let those guys have all the fun without us.”
MacDuff and MacBeth took off to join the little army as Smythers walked out of his store with a couple more water guns.
“Well, we’re not going to see much from here so we might as well get closer too.” Monique gestured for the others to follow her.
“I wonder if they are trying to stop the mob that’s supposed to be after you, Jayne?” Steph looked excited, “I’m sure a good soaking would wake a few of them up and smarten them up.” She followed Monique towards the end of the block.
“This is ridiculous! What is happening to Humble? Mobs? Barricades and water fights in the middle of the street?”
“Let them have their fun, and we’ll use the diversion to go back to the farm.” Dan led Jayne back inside and closed the door.
(February 1, 2019 )
Just then the Humble fire truck drove down Main Street , with lights flashing and siren going, toward the makeshift barricade. Jayne pulled away from Dan, and opened the door to watch as MacDuff and MacBeth led the others in rallying cries.
“Remember the Alamo !”
“For Queen and Country!”
“Justice and Liberty for all!”
“FREEDOM!!!!!!!”
“Come and get it you mangy curs!”
The fire truck parked behind the motley crew manning the barricade, so they too blocked off the highway. Mrs. Shultz hurried out with chairs for Siegfried and Roy , as the volunteer firefighters, decked out in their full gear, hooked up the hose to the fire hydrant on the corner and then took up their position, ready to turn on the water as soon as it was needed. One firefighter started directing the approaching traffic to a spot on the side of the highway out of the way. Most drivers were curious enough to get out of their vehicles to see what was going on, and they started lining the corners of the street. MacBeth and MacDuff stood at each end of the barricade, water guns ready, as Monique stationed herself behind the two seated seniors, in the middle. Steph stood to one side taking pictures of the growing number of spectators, as well as both factions, though Jayne still couldn’t see the rumoured mob approaching.
“Am I really seeing what I think I’m seeing? It’s like an old-fashioned Western gunfight at high noon.” Jayne asked Dan, as he joined her just outside the office door.
“Aren’t you folks going to join in? This is shaping up to be THE waterfight of the century! You don’t want to miss this!” Peter dashed past them and grabbed a super-soaker from Mr. Smythers who’d just brought out another armload of the water-weapons before both men took up positions behind the barricade. They were soon joined by some of the more adventurous onlookers.
“Boys and their toys.” Sue walked up at a much slower pace, “I’m surprised you haven’t joined them.” She gave Dan a one-armed hug.
“I have more important things to do,” Dan returned her hug.
“More important than playing with water? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
“Ha! Just wait...I’ll get you for that…”
“Are they allowed to use the fire hose for crowd control? Seems like overkill.” Jayne sat down on the step. She didn’t need to get any closer as Steph was taking umpteen pictures, and she wasn’t in the mood to get soaked by the overly enthusiastic crew behind the barricade.
“Guess it depends on where the Mayor is…”
“Probably leading the other side...you know how he always chooses the wrong side and the wrong issues.”
“I wonder where Mark is...he’ll have a fit if he misses this.”
“I saw him in the fire truck when it went past the bank...he was driving...not sure who else is with him.”
“Did we miss anything?” The gals from the office and post office joined their small group, “we just heard about it...there is supposed to be a HUGE mob after Jayne...what did you do this time?...I think the Mayor is leading them…Hey, is that MacDuff and MacBeth?”
“Yes, they just got back to town. You haven’t missed anything yet.”
“I told you so...the Mayor is supposed to protect his citizens, not lead mobs against them.”
“Well, if the mob is the ‘other’ side then I’d say you have some pretty impressive support on your side, Jaynelle,” Dan put out his hand and pulled Jayne to her feet, “since it looks like we aren't going to be able to avoid this, we might as well go get a front row seat and some lunch...Come on, ladies, allow me to escort you to the restaurant…my treat.”
(February 15, 2019 )
April 19, 2019 )
While the employees and business owners on Main Street unofficially gathered for lunch most Wednesdays, the one day of the week when everyone, except Mrs. Shultz at the restaurant, closed at lunchtime, for almost an informal Chamber of Commerce gathering, but really just for a break and a chance to hang out together for some fun and laugher, they had missed a few weeks with the end of school activities, the hall renovation reveal, and other community events. And even though it wasn’t Wednesday, this couldn’t really be counted as one of their lunch gatherings, with at least half the members on the street preparing to douse some of the local residents, but Jayne still looked forward, as she usually did, to a meal that she didn’t have to prepare, or, even better, pay for herself. As the others in their group decided who they were going to cheer for - MacDuff and MacBeth being the clear favourites, Monique a close second, followed by the volunteer firefighters who were Dan’s pick - Jayne made up her mind to order the most expensive burger combo on the menu, plus lots of gravy for her fries. If Dan was footing the bill, she might as well go all out and indulge herself, instead of her usual Wednesday practice of ordering just a burger, no fries, to keep costs down.
As the group reached the restaurant door, some of the out-of-town spectators stopped Dan and the ladies.
“This is such a cool idea. How did you ever come up with it?”
“Is it an annual event? I’ve never heard of it before.”
“Is it just for locals, or can anyone participate?”
“I don’t see any children participating...is it a family event? Or is it just for adults?”
“What made you decide to hold the water fight on the highway? Wouldn’t the school grounds be a better location? Are there special permits required for this? Does the Department of Transportation need to know ahead of time? What kind of insurance do you need for this?”
“This is our first time ever. We’re still working out the kinks, but you’re all more than welcome to join in...the more the merrier.”
Jayne elbowed Dan for his tongue-in-cheek reply, before smiling and welcoming the various spectators to Humble.
“Is this your first visit?”
“Yes, we drive by all the time, but never had a reason to stop. Who knew Humble was so exciting. I always thought it was such a sleepy little place where nothing happens.”
“Yes, it’s a very exciting community.”
“Hey, haven't you been in the news recently? The one who is involved with that high mucky-muck family from the city? No, wait, it had something to do with that car hitting the train the other day? Or, was it last night’s fire? I’m sure it was you I saw on TV recently.”
Thankfully, before Jayne could answer - and really how does one answer questions like that, and there’s nothing like being on the receiving end to appreciate that maybe a less invasive questioning style is better when interviewing people - Mrs. Shultz walked out and handed menus to everyone standing around the doorway.
“Our special today is a roast beef sandwich with fries or your choice of minestrone or tomato soup...and for today only, in honour of the giant water fight, we also have slices of Saskatoon pie, with or without ice cream, for dessert...is anyone ready to order?” she pulled a pad out of her pocket.
“Let it rip!”
“Water fight!”
“Stop! I’ll have you all arrested! Police!!!!”
( Sue leaned over to Dan, shouting a bit to be heard over the boisterous noise of the water fight participants who were very enthusiastically soaking the mayor and other members of the mob who had been after Jayne, “Remember the big water fight we had at the farm last summer?”
“How could I forget? It was EPIC! Our best one ever!”
“Remember how Jr. and Tommy ambushed Dad as he came around the corner of the house to see what we were all doing…”
“Then the dogs got involved and managed to trip Peter and Tommy…”
“Who fell on Jr. and Dad before they could get control of the hoses again…”
“And then Short Stuff COMPLETELY doused you and Peter…”
“I got her back…”
“...and Tommy tackled Dad so Short Stuff could drop the water balloons on him…”
“I still can’t believe Jayne managed to stay dry for most of it...and only because she hid behind you the entire time…”
“What can I say, I’m a good protector…” Dan grinned.
“I managed to stay dry because I’m better at water fights than you two,” Jayne added.
“Protector nothing...you’re just big!” Sue lightly pushed Dan’s shoulder, “I can still see the expression on Mom’s face when Dad came up behind her as she watched us from the porch and poured that whole bucket of water over her, and completely ruined her hair that she’d just had styled.”
“What about the expression on YOUR face when you slipped on the wet grass and landed in the middle of that mud puddle?”
“Ugh, that was WAY uncomfortable...and I wouldn’t have slipped if Jr. hadn’t grabbed my arm just then to redirect the hose towards you and Jayne...who was the only one of us still dry and clean, I’d like to point out...it’s not natural to be that dry in a water fight...just sayin.’”
“Nah, you’d have slipped anyway...YES!” Dan jumped up to cheer for MacDuff and MacBeth who were mounting a concentrated offensive on the mayor, slowly and carefully manoeuvring him so he backed down Main Street , in full view of all the spectators, and couldn’t run away. The others in the water fight were starting to turn on each other as many of the unarmed residents had abandoned the mayor, and the fight, to go home. Siegfried and Roy were still in the thick of things with huge grins on their faces.
“Are you folks ready to order?” Mrs. Shultz showed up at their viewing spot, her pen and pad in hand. After they placed their orders, she added, “It’s a good thing I called in extra staff for a catering job today so I’m able to handle this rush...I’m sure surprised you aren't in the middle of that, Dan.”
“I thought I’d set a good example today,” he winked.
“Good example. Ha! That will be the day, and let me tell you, I want to make sure I have a front row seat.”
“Absolutely.”
“You’re orders will be ready in a jiffy.”
“I’ll have you ALL arrested for assault! You can’t do this to me! I’m the Mayor!” he turned to look at the crowd watching, and then pointed at Jayne, “You!...You are the instigator of this rabble...I just know it...don’t think you can get away this time...I’ll see that you’re locked behind bars...right beside your father...you are two of a kind…”
Jayne quickly grabbed Dan’s arm to keep him from walking onto the street. “No, he’s not worth it...let it go.”
(May 3, 2019 )
