Friday, 7 April 2017

April 7, 2017 Chautauqua

Beth's Ponderings

   Earlier this year, I was watching some old movies, including some great cinema classics. Almost each one had the following line somewhere in the movie: “If you really love [him/her], you would...”

   While that line is great for creating tension and drama in movies and books, it is extremely dangerous when used in real life.

   The line gives the impression that the speaker loves, and is concerned about, an individual (or in some instances, it refers to themselves) and it is out of this love and concern for that individual that they are addressing the other person. However, what the line really reveals is the speaker's fear.

   If they truly cared so much, they wouldn't be trying to manipulate another person into making a decision, or taking an action, that the person obviously doesn't want to make, and that would only be in the perceived best interests of the speaker, not the other people involved.

   By manipulating others out of fear, the speaker tries to either keep the status quo, or ensure an outcome that will make the speaker - not the other people - happy and feeling secure.  In fact, the true feelings and wishes of the others are not even a consideration for the speaker, despite what they may profess, because this line is usually brought out during a “secret” conversation between the speaker and other person that must be kept hidden from the individual in question.

   Now, the speaker could fear any number of things, depending on their relationship to the individual: that the individual will abandon them for someone else, that the individual will make a horrible mistake, that the individual is growing too independent and doesn’t need their guidance or assistance any more, that the individual is not willing to fulfill the speaker’s dream for them and their life.

   Any time that line is used, and fear prevails, it is to the determent of all parties involved, and creates more problems than whatever the speaker is trying to prevent.

   “If we did not believe in fear in the first place, no one could control anyone.” - James van Praagh


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